Indulging ourselves: necessary or harmful to our mental health?

There are those who think that indulging ourselves means being consumerist, materialistic, vain or undisciplined. Others believe it is absolutely necessary, an act of self-care and mental flexibility. The two positions provide compelling arguments, while the studies grant part reason to one position and another to the other position.

Indulging ourselves is not in itself bad or good, positive or harmful. The key lies in the intention with which we do it, the moments we choose and the reasons that lead us to reward ourselves or not with these small self-gifts. To understand it better, let’s talk more in depth about it.

Indulging ourselves is necessary

The famous psychologist Walter Riso in his magnificent book fall in love with you clearly illustrates how small whims are essential to build our self-esteem. Undoubtedly we are physical beings inhabiting physical spaces, so self-love must also manifest itself in these spaces of reality. It is not enough to love each other theoretically, we have to prove it to ourselves.

When parents expect the arrival of a child, they prepare everything necessary to make their stay in the world pleasant and comfortable. This is how they choose their clothes or the layout and decoration of the room with love and care. They provide you with a beautiful environment.

In the same way, When someone comes to visit our home we do not skimp on details for our guest. We provide clean sheets and towels, the most beautiful and new. We take care of buying and preparing our guest’s favorite food and we do everything possible to make them feel appreciated and welcomed.

However, When it comes to entertaining ourselves, we’re not always so neat. We feel that we can always wait, that our towel is not that old yet, that it is an unnecessary expense to order food in a restaurant just for us or that getting a manicure is a vain whim.

However, through all these small gestures we also show ourselves love, we take care of ourselves. By not treating ourselves, by feeling like we don’t deserve them, we end up neglecting ourselves and undermining our self-esteem.

Beautifying our home or our body is not always vanity, Buying those pants that we like so much is not always consumerism, it is self-care.

Whims cover your unhappiness

On the other hand, we have to be careful with the reason that drives us to indulge in these indulgences. Intention, motivation and background are really key. There are many people who use the external to cover up, ignore and ignore the internal.

You probably know someone who covers their emotions with food., who tries to alleviate his feeling of lack of control by buying compulsively. Or that she becomes obsessed with his physical appearance so as not to face the lack of self-esteem that he presents.

Indulging ourselves, as a habit, is not a good way to manage our emptiness or our uncomfortable emotions. It is legal and healthy to have your favorite food from time to time as a small satisfaction that you give yourself. However, taking it automatically when you feel anxious, sad or irritable is, in general, an inadequate self-regulation strategy.

It is an act of self-esteem to buy that item of clothing that you like without feeling remorse about the price or without questioning yourself a thousand and one times if you really need it. Nevertheless, Buying in an uncontrolled way and in order to mitigate an uncomfortable internal feeling will only bring negative consequences..

When we act without conscience, on impulse and without taking the long term into account, we end up doing ourselves more harm. The immediate satisfaction you feel from indulging in this way will soon turn to guilt. that will accompany the emptiness you already felt.

Ask yourself: what moves you?

In short, the key is to find a balance. In not being excessively rigid, demanding and inflexible with ourselves, while at the same time we avoid chaos, lack of control and impulsivity. When you have a whim, ask yourself what motivates it.

So, do you refuse to indulge yourself because you don’t feel worthy of it? Do you feel the need to shop, eat, or beautify yourself to silence your uncomfortable emotions? Treat yourself, of course, but do it consciously, motivated by self-love, by the desire to enjoy and not to cover up shortcomings..

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