In search of happiness: is there a formula to be happy?

Although we do not know how to define it, in principle we all aspire to happiness. But is it a place? A state of mind? An attitude?

My entry into the publishing world began precisely with an in-depth exploration of this question. A self-help label hired me to write a book where I had to propose different ways to be happy.

Not knowing where to start, I spent a few months interview people of all professions and ages.

When checking that people have a hard time pinpointing what makes them happy -on the other hand, we know very well what makes us miserable-, I simply asked them to tell me about satisfactionsepisodes in which they had achieved a high degree of well-being.

To my surprise, except for the birth of a child, there was practically no talk of great achievements.

In the personal ranking of happiness no one cited academic successes or promotions at work. And even fewer material conquests like brand new a house, a car or a sailboat, although these acquisitions mean investing thousands of hours of work, entire decades in the case of a home.

The interviewees talked about much more subtle and intangible things: a conversation under the winter sun, walking barefoot on a deserted beach, that song that made them cry without knowing why…

However, these very pleasant scenes did not allow answering the fundamental question: what is happiness?

What is happiness?

Although even the preamble of The United States Constitution establishes the right of citizens to happiness, until relatively recently neither society nor scientists had seriously dealt with it.

It seemed like a territory more reserved for philosophers and poets, who have been persecuting it for millennia with all kinds of images and metaphors, more or less successful.

This makes us suspect that happiness is something to be experienced rather than namedperhaps because it is an interior paradise that is in constant movement and don’t let yourself be captured by words.

It is therefore not a goal or a place where we can settle, but a way of traveling.

The psychology talk about the satisfaction that causes us to solve problems, or welfare that we experience when we “flow” with an activity such as practicing a sport that we like, playing an instrument or even at work, when we achieve throw ourselves completely into what we are doing.

From the point of view of the neurologythe happiness is an emotional state activated by the limbic systemabout which consciousness or the most evolved part of the brain (neocortex) has little to say.

In any case, no scientist explains how to achieve it, much less how to preserve it. Well, if something characterizes it, it is that everyone steps on this peak on time, but nobody usually stays on it.

Perhaps the clearest conclusion I drew from that first happiness study was that it comes to us in small doses for those who know how to taste them.

As the famous phrase of Pearl S. Buck points out: “Many people lose small joys waiting for great happiness.”

How to be happy appreciating the present

For those who tend to approach existence from negativity, happiness is always what they have lost: lto the health of the sick, the loved one that we did not know how to appreciate or retain, a radiant time of which we were not aware in its day…

These types of appreciations are based on the contrast: one is more or less happy compared to other moments lived.

However, true bliss is what can be captured here and now. Since satisfaction is not a destination to be reached, there is no point in putting it off. It is not what will come when we are on vacation, when we find the right partner or if we get a raise.

If we have not been able to enjoy what we have, moment to moment, too when we reach that ideal state we will project happiness again into the future.

People who live that way make up their own definition of happiness: it is precisely what they are not doing, what they do not have, and the time and place where they are not.

Perhaps for this reason, to access that state so longed for We must begin by becoming aware of the present and the wonders it offers us. The mere fact of being alive and observing everything that lives around us should fill us with joy, and push us to make the most of everyday existence.

In this sense, being happy depends on our attitude: It is an interior disposition to accept, value and appreciate what life puts on our daily table.

Can you learn to be happy?

Many specialists agree that happiness is not a permanent state, but is made up of moments. Therefore, if we lose them -or do not give them their value- we will have lost happiness.

There is a moving book in this sense, Perfect moments (Editorial encourages). It is the biographical account of Eugene O’Kelly, a successful business consultant who was diagnosed with a terminal illness in a routine checkup.

Knowing that he only had three months to live, performed without forther delay an “audit” of what had been his existence until then and, more importantly, how he would enjoy the time he had left to live:

“I had to reflect more than ever, in greater depth, on my life. As unpleasant as it was, I forced myself to admit that I was in the final stage of my existence, I forced myself to decide how I would spend the last hundred days of my life (a week more, a week less) and I forced myself to act on those decisions.”

Once assumed that the end of a life does not have to be the worst part, but rather the oppositeEugene O’Kelly dedicated himself in this illuminating phase to capturing what he called “perfect moments”.

Thus he enjoyed family and friends more than in all his previous existence.. She woke up to daily miracles that until then had gone unnoticed.

In the last bars of this extraordinary stage, he saw even the disease that had condemned him as a blessing, because under normal circumstances it would not have been capable of experiencing everything that lived intensely those hundred days of gracewhich were a crash course in happiness.

The question would be: is it necessary to be in such a situation to begin to value life?

It is not necessary to always be happy

One of the mistakes in today’s society is to think that human beings have an obligation to be happy Everyday of the year.

The cult of lightness and optimism means that, in some cases, the slightest symptom of discouragement is combated even with antidepressant drugs, which drown out the symptom and they do not allow us to see the causewhere is the root of healing.

On this issue, I subsequently made twenty-five interviews with specialists from different fields for a new book on happiness. All of them gave their keys to feel good with oneself and in harmony with the world.

However, one of the interviewees gave a twist to the whole matter: What if unhappiness were a natural and necessary state?

the psychologist Cristina Llagostera(a regular contributor to this magazine) raised this issue in the following terms:

“I claim the importance of other more unpleasant states, such as dissatisfaction or discomfort. The idea is: without imbalance there is no progressif we were always Jelices we would not progress.

That is why it is necessary to learn to live the symptoms or the dissatisfaction in a useful way, so that they can lead us to a new order, a new balance. Sometimes seeking only happiness may be the best way to not find it.”

Therefore, We can consider our current state of mind as a barometer that tells us where we are and what changes we should introduce.r in our existence.

unhappinessin this sense, is a spiritual fever that invites us to mobilize our resources to restore balance and enter a more evolved stage.

The recipe for happiness is personal

It is impossible to listen to hundreds of opinions about happiness for years, as has been my case, and not elaborate a personal theory about what brings us closer to or further away from it.

In fact, since each individual has different characteristics and needsUltimately, it is yourself who must examine your life and learn from your mistakes.

Personally, my journey to happiness experienced a remarkable breakthrough the day I stopped worrying about my problems to pay attention to those of others.

Like the meditator who feels great relief in emptying himself, in giving up his own demands and longings, one suddenly finds himself with a valuable creative force at your disposal.

All the energy we spend listening to ourselves, regretting what we have and wanting what we don’t have can be used for a new purpose.

In case we decide direct it to the well-being of others, it will certainly be about a very profitable investment.

And that for a very simple reason if we look at this equation: the degree of personal happiness depends on our self-esteemand this in turn depends on how useful or valuable we are to others.

A person who generates antipathy or indifference in his environment will hardly feel satisfied, while those who feel that their actions have a positive influence on others will come out stronger. Suddenly his existence takes on meaning, because he has discovered his ability to shape and improve the world in which he lives.

All people have the gift of transforming their existence and that of others. This is something to keep in mind when we feel overwhelmed by problems or our expectations have been disappointed. For those who have decided to take control of their life, everything remains to be done.

happiness and sense of humor

Since life is not always a pool of oil, one last requirement for happiness is learning to navigate in the midst of the storm.

There is days when, for no apparent reasoneveryone seems to get mad at us and whatever we do goes wrong. What to do then?

Besides remembering that there is no day that lasts more than 24 hourswhen everything around us shakes, it is time to hoist our saving curve: the smile. This is the sail that the soul has to sail through difficulties until it reaches calm waters again.

Happiness has many ingredientsbut there are two that cannot be missing and share a good part of their lyrics: love and humor. Love to others and to oneself and humor to creatively observe our problems.

Any experience that we cook with these two condiments will leave us good taste of mouth.

The 7 ingredients of the happiness formula

There is no magic recipe for happiness, but there are some keys or requirements to enhance the “perfect moments” that seem to be part of it:

Accept yourself as you are. To build what we want to be, we must begin by recognizing our strengths and weaknesses. Any external change goes through a process of internal improvement that allows us to overcome the obstacles that keep us from a fulfilled life.Observe your situation. Be…