I would fight you, but this fight wasn’t mine alone

I remember the days you lived in this house.
These were colorful, light-filled days when our lives sparkled and collided together.
We were one and all my friends and family knew it.
They knew we were made for each other.

What they had no idea was that you were never all that light, you were never anything like you were next to me.
And imagine how I felt…
Honored to have managed to pull you out of that darkness, to drag you out of that bar where you spent your nights regretting the days.

Still, for all our love, colors and lights, not everything was perfect.
There were times when you remembered that dark past and you became someone full of pain, resentment and you felt unworthy of me, of us.
I was crying,
I cried because it wasn’t true, I cried because it hurt to see how you couldn’t see yourself.
You were my whole world and I couldn’t see the greatness of it and although I tried with all my strength and love to fight your dark days, they beat us because you couldn’t fight.

In the morning, after all the chaos of the night, you were mine again,
My light, my colored being and there was not even a trace of those shadows.
And we were happy.
I swear we were.

You brought me coffee in bed, told me how beautiful I was, even with the last night’s mess.
He made a point of taking me to work, because his was only later, and he even made me smile halfway.
We laughed together at his colorful jokes, which I loved.

And then the cycle would return and hell would start all over again.
You were, again, that person I met in the back of a bar, while bleeding from a silly fight, a fight to cover up your pain and your problems.
In one of those hellish nights I discovered, I realized that I, alone, could not overcome your problems.

I would fight you, and I swear I tried, but this fight wasn’t mine alone and you didn’t want to fight in any way: not by my side, not alone.
So I had to go, not out of a happy choice, but because I need to keep my sanity. And it’s not like I’m throwing in the towel, because I tried so hard, but alone I wasn’t going anywhere.
It was with great regret that I walked away from the scars you left on me, the pain you caused my heart.

I hope to get well soon,
I hope you get better soon,
And may we meet there…

Grazielle Vieira

SEE TOO:

You deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else