I separated from my husband and I’m going to tell you 6 mistakes we made in marriage

My name is Alejandra and I am 26 years old. I had only been married for 2 years and unfortunately I ended up getting divorced. Some people have told me that during this short period of time I haven’t been able to draw any conclusions, but I don’t think that way. I know I’ve been wrong many times, and I’m ready to share my impressions.

I’m going to tell you about the mistakes I made during my marriage that I don’t recommend to anyone. I hope this advice will help people save their relationships.

A truth that must necessarily be eliminated from people’s minds. We all mature, we get used to circumstances, and we can change how important we are to things, but if you’re with someone who’s over 15—which is very likely—they’re not going to change. Either we accept it as it is or we don’t.

One of my biggest mistakes was always hoping that I would change myself, or that the person next to me would. It doesn’t happen. If every day you close yourself in that thought, always waiting for the moment that everything will change, we end up disappointed, and this is error № 1🇧🇷

Spouses are adults with established personalities, and we should not try to change that, either in ourselves or in others. The best way to act is to talk to try to find a solution to the problem, always listening to the truth that is in our soul.

If you really love the person next to you, then your flaws won’t hurt you. If something like this happens, you already know what to do.

This is a very important rule and one that really keeps surprising me. I’ll give an example of a pretty normal situation

Suppose you know that your husband likes to take a long shower, likes to have a clean mirror, and loves clean towels. That’s his quirk and all of it makes him in a good mood. On the other hand, your husband knows you are happy when you know his favorite products are in the fridge. At the same time, you don’t really like cleaning and he’s not a big fan of going to the supermarket.

One day, you feel like you have time to wash the towels and he walks into a supermarket because he saw that his favorite juice is almost gone. This is a collaboration that only the two of you can pull off.

Don’t do things expecting something in return. These small details are essential for companionship to appear. If the bathroom is glowing, but your husband keeps running out of your favorite yogurt, even if you ask, we see an unbalanced situation, a great danger to the continuity of the marriage.

Even if you are a strong, decision-making woman, it’s not worth it. You don’t have to take responsibility away from your husband by saying “Let me do it, I can do it”, or carrying all the bags by myself and doing many other things without his help. We women can possibly do things better than men, but why?

My eternal problem: I always know how to work things out and I have initiative, but that makes the desire to be better disappear in a man, and I don’t want to be with a guy like that.

Here, the important thing is the division rule, so that everyone wins. Knowing how to delegate is fundamental in a life together, according to my humble point of view. In the first place, share the household chores: one person takes out the trash, another cooks, one washes the dishes, another cleans, and so on. Second, don’t be all the time offering help, especially if he doesn’t ask for it, it makes him lose confidence in himself.

This is a very important point. I am a person who likes to talk a lot, and the main punishment for me is silence. After strong fights, I kept silent and waited for my husband’s initiative, as I thought he would be curious about my silence. This is bullshit!

As much as you are offended, put it all out and speak aloud to your husband, not your friend, mother or sister. Nothing is more important than that, in other words: don’t be silent! Yes, it’s true that many men think otherwise, and psychologists talk about it, but a voice inside us always says, “But how can he not understand? How can he not see what bothers me? If it’s SO OBVIOUS!”

Unfortunately, women, we are not right. It makes no sense. In my life, I’ve been through many situations where the other person didn’t even come close to find out why I was offended. Silence is not a way out, period.

There is only one solution: sit next to the person and explain. Not in monologue mode and with accusations, with shaking hands and lots of tears. You have to be analytical and solve the equation. “I’m sad because…”.

During a quiet conversation, you can explain that the reason for your accusation is not your misunderstanding, but your sadness. Always talk to the other person, right?

Do you feel like you’re going to explode? There is a secret that will help you calm down. Count to 10 before speaking, then speak calmly.

Here, it is very important to tell you what you are feeling. Before expressing yourself abruptly and emotionally, count to 10. These 10 seconds help eliminate the blindness that makes you unable to act and think rationally, and see the person in front of you. During these 10 seconds you will get better structure your arguments to build a calm and coherent dialogue.

Even when the discussion is over messages, the time before each sentence helps you better understand what the other person meant.

Learn to control your emotions. They must be lived in the most intense way possible during a rock concert, but family life calls for another type of behavior, without shouting and insults. If I had followed this rule I could have avoided many, many fights.

The person next to you deserves a lot of love, because he knows your weaknesses and knows very well everything you go through on a daily basis. Love can be expressed in many ways. Through touch: when we love, we want to be close to the other person. In words: even if we don’t understand what the other person does, we always want to show unconditional support. In common plans: one day one person decides what to do, the next day the other. Furthermore, love is intimacy, understanding, companionship, friendship and much more. But it is very important not to hide love, but to express it in every way possible.

Love offers an infinite charge of energy and confidence in ourselves and in the loved one.

My mistake was channeling love the wrong way, to the wrong person.

They say the past is the past. I don’t regret anything and I’m very grateful for everything that’s happened to me, but I don’t think I’m the only one who made a mistake in the relationship. This experience made me stronger and wiser, it helped me to look inside myself and think about the things that before I either ignored or thought were insignificant.

I hope my story can help people understand a little better where they are in the relationship, preventing them from making the same mistakes that I and many people do every day.