I rediscovered passion with a stranger

Fifteen years married, three children. an enviable relationshipof those who are friends above all things, with the same interests and the same tastes. But something was missing.

She was the typical almost asexual woman, the result of an upbringing that I thought was modern, because they explained to me very well how children are made and all that, when in reality what we should know is that children should preferably be made while feeling pleasure. .

I didn’t know my body

In my family, the female body was basically something that made our lives miserable.: either we were fat or our period hurt. Little more. If we add to that some very restrictive moral principles about sex, we already have the cocktail of woman totally disconnected from her body and her sexuality.

I had sex only with my husbandhe had barely flirted as a teenager, some snogging and a couple of touching that did not reach adults. I never masturbatedAlthough I do remember waking up once in the middle of the night excited. But I simply didn’t know that it could be “fed”. He was just very ignorant.

When I had my first sexual relations, the truth is that I said to myself: “Is this a big deal?”. With time and a little more experience, things got better. A few months later I had the first orgasm of my life, which of course was not with vaginal intercourse, and then I thought: “My God, what is this!” That day I checked what PLEASURE was, like this, in capital letters.

However, I hardly ever wanted to have sex. I never looked for it myself, unless I wanted to surprise my partner or “give him a special gift”. I pretended to be asleep dozens of times, as many times I was thinking about other things, I wished it would end soon… Of course, oral sex was unpleasant to me and anal sex was not even mentioned. She really only managed to orgasm with clitoral stimulation, and she enjoyed it, but it was as if this prize wasn’t worth the previous work. Go that I was too lazy to wear…

Can you imagine that This topic was the reason for many couple discussions. I came to think that I was asexual, because the truth is that I loved my husband. This is how my life as a couple went, with times when we spent months without sex, especially the months after having the children. I think we were already resigned; he to try with some insistence, and I to resist and give in before the anger was too unpleasant.

And suddenly something changed.

New mobile of those that allow you to download online games. Unknown opponents and a certain anonymity. One day I discover that the game has chat when I see someone say “Hello”. And that’s where it all started. A stranger who greeted me, to whom I responded and with whom I began a seemingly harmless conversation.

It turned out to be a man about ten years younger than me, very nice and with a conversation between intelligent, funny and exciting. And me, a married woman who would never have flirted with a stranger if she had approached me at work or in a coffee shop, I found myself trapped in that game of talking through a chat with someone you hardly know anything about.

The conversations were increasing in frequency and tone. The insinuations began, the puns, the double meanings. I waited impatiently for the sound of my phone letting me know that I had a message. Within a few days we had already caught up on our lives, given phone numbers and sent photos. On top of that he was handsome and intelligent!

I imagine that everything contributed to feeling excitementand I’m not talking about the content of the conversations. The fact of doing something new, something somehow forbiddenlooking for hidden opportunities to write and read, feeling that I was interested in a young man despite my lack of real and material availability, despite my situation and not being the prototype of a cannonball girl.

He was morbid, I imagine, playing to conquer a prudish mature woman and half a virgin, and me I was very morbid knowing that it turned on a boy that any young woman would have longed for, and any older woman too. The fact of being in a relationship and having children, I suppose, was a sure thing that he was not going to complicate his life, since he had a girlfriend. That and the distance.

We started to get more intimate when He told me that he found me very attractive and that thinking about me turned him on. I have to admit that at first I thought that it couldn’t be that he was doing what he was doing and that what he should do was uninstall the game and block his mobile number. But I did not. I wanted you to write to me and I enjoyed the moments in which he described to me what he imagined we would do together if we saw each other.

Writing, a vehicle of erotic fantasy

We got to write half erotic storiesWe were inventing situations and describing them in great detail. At first they were just flirtatious, but they ended up being totally explicit. We told each other in detail what things we liked, what we would like to try, what we felt pleasure with, even those that you only imagine and do not verbalize.

I don’t think anyone who hasn’t experienced it knows how exciting this game can be. Coming to feel that someone touches you and caresses you just because of how they describe it to you. Or yes, if not, there would be no erotic literature and Mr. Grey’s story would not have triumphed. In this case, what made it better was that he wasn’t reading a story about a college girl and a handsome millionaire guy. I was the one who inspired a very attractive man to imagine exciting situations.

I discovered the pleasure of exciting the other, and I began to realize why I didn’t enjoy oral sex or why I had never considered anal intercourse or using toys and shared fantasies. I made my fantasies come true by describing them to him. I imagined him in an elevator, on a boardwalk on the beach, in the changing room of a store or in a restaurant at the next table while we were both with our respective partners.

While we were writing our fantasies we had sex despite not being physically together. By phone, writing, with audio and video… any medium gave us the opportunity to play and enjoy ourselves.

For the first time in my life sex was an appetizing thing, in which I thought. I felt attractive, desirable and sexy. She felt an enormous joy knowing that she produced pleasure even in this strange and unusual situation. Without a doubt, this fact changed me on many levels.

breaking taboos

Talking explicitly about sex with that man allowed me to free myself from many taboos and realize that In sexual relations, attitude matters more than aptitude. Realizing, for example, how excited he was when I described fellatio to him made me want to do it and, for the first time, my real sexual life began to be active.

Sex with my partner improved, both in terms of quantity, quality and intensity. Now he understood what it was to have sexual desire, to seek it, provoke it and enjoy it. It is true that she often fantasized about the image of the other, but raise your hand if you have never thought of another person or people while he is with his partner.

The honest truth is that at that time I had more sex and more enjoyment with my body than I had ever had before, and that was a turning point in my life. I realized that sex is enjoyed with the whole body, including the head… when the head leaves prejudices and judgments.

That When you give pleasure, that feeling of power is indescribable. Making someone enjoy your body, what you do to it, and the other to do it with you, is almost addictive. When two people indulge in sex not just “because it’s nice” but because they want to give and receive pleasure, you realize that they fuck with every part of their body. And there is nothing that is unpleasant, because you simply surrender to feel and experience.

This awakening of my sexuality made me want more.

We meet?

It was not enough for me to have remote sex with him and real sex with my partner. I thought about it all the time, about what it would be like to see each other and enjoy everything we told each other. Still, on the one hand he was afraid that the magic was not as he imagined. That I wasn’t so attractive and desirable to him in person and that he wasn’t the lover who drove me crazy from a distance. That is the risk of long-distance relationships, which we idealize and we fill in with imagination the part of information that we lack.

But on the other hand, she was clear that if there was a chance to experience what she wanted so much, she would not let her go through that fear. I had already wasted enough years of my life living in hiding. It was not easy to organize everything to be able to see each other, considering that we lived in different cities and that I am the mother of three children. But we did.

He would wait for me at the train station. It was the longest trip of my life. That mixture of nervousness, uncertainty, desire and passion had me totally agitated. When I got to the station and saw him in the distance, I remember thinking he was shorter than I thought and I smiled thinking that this made it easier for me not to be physically perfect either.

We met face to face, and I only managed to say “hello” smiling when he took me by the waist and kissed me as if he wanted to show me that he was capable of undressing me right then and there. I imagine that many of you will know what it is to feel a kiss that makes you wet all over. At that moment I knew that I didn’t care what happened next, that I was going to feel what I had waited for so long no matter what price I had to pay. We got to his house, went to the kitchen for a glass of water, and while I drank it, he pulled up my dress, took off my underwear, sat me down on the counter, and decided that I drank from the glass and he from me. And I would look down and say to myself, “It’s real, you’re here.” I had never orgasmed with oral sex before; I didn’t like that they did it to me, just as I didn’t like doing it.

That day I not only traveled kilometers by train, but also the great distance that separated me from the possibility of pleasure that my own body offered me and that I had denied it.

They were two days of lust, of sex in its purest form, of undoing knots and leaving conscience apart. After a lifetime of ignoring him, for the first time there was nothing but a body. I decided to feel it and enjoy itand I did it to exhaustion, believe me.

We only saw each other in person that time.

I imagine for several reasons. Apart from sex there was no future and I realized that I was getting hooked on a person who surely wouldn’t find me as interesting once that stage of morbidity passed. We kept writing to each other for a while until we stopped doing so.

This exciting episode made me rethink things and the situation with my partner. I decided to accept that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life missing out on experiences like that.

I am not recommending women to have affairs if their sex life is nil. Nor do I criminalize it. What I believe is that if a couple doesn’t enjoy sex, something is wrong and, in that situation, either they try to fix it or it will get worse.

There will be those who think that if we had not met in person, what happened could not be considered cheating on my partner, and there will be…