I left the love of my life and I regret it: 11 ways to get him back

Many couples break up. Some do it permanently and for others it’s just a blip, but then they come back stronger than before.

If you have left the love of your life and you regret it, consider this separation an invitation to take a step back and analyze the relationship. Think about what things did not work and take the opportunity to start from scratch with it. For this we will tell you about 11 ways to get your ex back, if you want to get back together.

11 secrets to win back the love of your life

1) Fix what was wrong in the relationship

Think carefully about the relationship you had. Relationships rarely end suddenly and without warning. Try to remember anything you said or did to your ex that might have indicated that he wasn’t happy.

Some things could be:

Complaining that you are too far apart, that you don’t spend time together, or that you don’t pay enough attention to him.

They doubt you when you tell them something, like where you were or why you did something.

He tells you that you never give him space to be alone. Any healthy relationship needs moments for your individuality.

He asks you for something that you are not giving him.

He complains that you never help around the house.

2) Ask questions

If you don’t know what went wrong in your relationship, ask him.

Even if you know that something you did upset him, ask if there is anything you can do to make things better.

Some sample questions may be:

Can you help me understand why you were always angry?

What can I do to make our relationship stronger?

Is there anything you want me to do more?

What are the things that really bother you about how I act?

Is there something you need from me that I’m not doing?

3) Apologize and admit your responsibility

If you already know what the reason for your breakup was, tell your ex that you are really sorry about what happened.

Additionally, fully assume your share of responsibility and explain why you haven’t done anything about it sooner.

Some good things you could say are:

I’m so sorry I left you, instead of fixing the flaws in our relationship earlier. Can you help me figure out what they were so I can fix them?

I’m so sorry I didn’t notice that you wanted (something).

I know I really hurt you when I did (certain things), but parting with you has helped me see how important you are in my life.

I know that I have not taken into account (something) when you asked me. The reality is that I didn’t realize it was so important to you. I’m so sorry I didn’t understand what it meant to you. I promise to make it my first priority from now on.

I know I’m away a lot right now for (certain issues), and I don’t like it either.

But this is a temporary problem, and once it’s over, things will be better for both of you.

It’s as hard for me as it is for you and I’m so sorry it has to be this way. Is there anything I can do to help you get through this difficult time with me?

4) Try to make a commitment

Discuss what the issues are, and then come to an agreement where you both make the same sacrifices for the well-being of the relationship. Making a list can help.

Remember to take into consideration that some things may be more important than others for everyone. They can make compensation, depending on how much they care or how difficult it is for them.

For example, being on time is really important to one of you, and the other doesn’t mind being late (and often does).

So a fair compromise might be that when you’re getting ready to go somewhere together, the part that doesn’t mind being late allows the part that wants to be on time to help organize your schedule so you can get there. on time.

5) Building a new relationship

Listen to your ex. When your old partner talks to you, make sure you are engaged and focused on him. Make him feel like you’re really listening.

Some ways to do this are:

Put down and close anything you’re reading or watching, and turn off the TV. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or peek out the window. Look at your partner when she talks.

When he finishes saying what he wanted, repeat a summary of what he said.

This will do two things for you. One is that he sees that you are interested in what he meant, and the other is to be able to assimilate what he said, so that you can then act on it.

6) Pay attention to their body language and watch for hidden emotions

Some signs that there might be more to what he is saying could be:

Tension in the way you stand or sit. Crossed arms are a good sign of anger and impatience.

Any expression other than neutral on your face. If you are sad, they will probably want understanding. If he is very excited, this is a request for you to participate in his excitement.

Touching his neck, ears and face is a sign of insecurity, it probably means he’s uncomfortable with what you’re trying to tell him.

7) Don’t be angry

If you’re angry about leaving the love of your life, it’s important to stay calm.

Yelling at your ex-partner will not make them want to get back together with you, quite the contrary.

If you have a hard time keeping your cool, here are some good things to try:

Take a rest. You can simply tell your ex something like “My emotions are taking over, can we take a break so I can calm down and say what I really want to say?”

Sleep before starting a conversation with your ex. Give yourself 24 hours to make sure that you really want to say what you plan to say. Consider how he might react, and think how you would react, if you were told something similar.

Take deep, relaxing breaths or visualize yourself in a place that gives you peace.

Write a letter with what you would say and then read it the next day. It can be very helpful to write things down, because then you have time to think about what you’re going to say, before the other person hears it. This will prevent you from saying something you don’t mean. Also, it will help you remember what you planned to say.

8) Don’t get defensive and don’t jump to conclusions

People tend to jump to conclusions when they are angry. This can often mean that you are hearing something (usually negative for you) that your partner is not meaning to say.

If he’s trying to explain something you’re doing that you don’t like, remember that it’s best for both of you to really understand what he meant and respond to it.

9) Take action on the things you’ve discovered need to change in your relationship

After apologizing, it’s important that you immediately take action on the things you could figure out need to change.

If you still don’t understand exactly what you need to ask, further questions are always a good way to clarify this. Also, he will see that you are really wanting to work things out between the two of you.

Some examples to solve common problems in relationships can be:

If they complained that you weren’t spending enough time with him, make more time for the relationship. Try going out to dinner together or cooking together at home regularly one night a week.

Give up other things you do, to show that you care more about the relationship and your partner.

If he tells you that he doesn’t feel appreciated enough, try saying thank you from the heart more often.

It also performs any task that can make your life easier.

If he complains that you don’t do anything together, think about what hobbies you both like and can share. For example: go to the gym together, take a photography course or simply choose one day a week to get to know a new place.

10) Schedule time to talk

This is really helpful advice to avoid building up tension in your relationship and the fear that the words ‘we need to talk’ can sometimes imply.

Plan time once a week, or once a month, to talk about any problems in your relationship. This will make them get along much better.

You can also schedule a time when you don’t talk. If, for example, you are always very tired when you get home from work, agree that the first 15 minutes is a relaxation time, during which you are left alone.

11) Create a communication channel

When something is bothering you, tell him. If you feel like your partner is hiding something from you, ask them about it. Keep the channels of communication open.

It is important to be honest, but kind.

Some tips to facilitate communication are:

Avoid saying things like you never (do something). These are unlikely to be true and will likely make your partner defensive.

Begin your sentences with: “I feel this way.” You’re always right about your feelings, and this is a great way to keep the other person from getting defensive, since you’re not complaining about their behavior directly.

Try to avoid saying what you think your ex is doing. This can be rephrased in a way that only uses “I”. For example, instead of “I’m sorry you never do the dishes,” you could say “I’m sorry I always do the dishes.”

Do not interrupt. If you’re not sure your partner is done talking, give them a few seconds of silence, then ask if they’re done.

Have you tried everything, but nothing has worked?

If you’ve tried all of the above and got nowhere, this means it’s time to move on.

If you change for the better and find yourself somewhere else, your ex may see the new person you’ve become and want you back, but don’t focus on this or it won’t work.

5 steps to rebuild your life and continue on your way

1) Don’t act like the world has ended

It’s okay to make it clear that you’d like to get back together and that you’re upset that the relationship ended, but don’t give in to your emotions.

Smile, be cheerful and positive, and don’t make a huge display of your sadness. Instead, put on a show of happiness and little by little the show will come true.

2) Make new friends

This is an especially important step if most of your friends were primarily friends with your ex.

Any activity, such as those listed in the next point, can be a good way to meet new people.

It can help to tell them that you are trying to make new friends after a breakup. But remember not to cram them in with too much information about how miserable you are!

3) Eliminate your ex from your life

Thinking about him all the time will not help you recover.

Some good ways to do this are:

Remove it from all your social networks.

Delete your phone number.

Ask your friends not to tell you about him.

Try not to mention it yourself. If you have difficulty with this, ask your friends for help. You can do this when you realize you want to bring up your ex. You can also ask them to change the subject ahead of time, whenever you try to start talking about the breakup.

4) Go out and have fun

The best way to entertain your mind from time to time…