How to Turn Down a Guy Without Hurting Him: 11 Steps

Telling someone that you are not interested in them will always feel awkward.

But doing it on top of that without hurting him is an even bigger challenge.

Add to this that if he was a womanizer or a troublesome guy, you probably wouldn’t feel so bad.

But when you have to tell a really nice guy that you don’t want to date him, you want to damage it as little as possible.

If you dread having “the talk” or have no idea how to tell him that it’s just not happening, you’re in the right place.

In this article, we’ll go over some of the do’s and don’ts of telling a nice guy that you’re just not interested.

As a bonus I will give you some practical examples of what to say.

How to reject a guy without hurting him: 11 steps. (What you should and shouldn’t do)

1) Evaluate things first

First things first, the best way to proceed specifically for you with this delicate matter will depend on your particular situation.

For example, you’ve already been on a few dates with this guy but, as nice as he is, you are no longer interested in seeing him again?

Have you moved on to intimacy, but you don’t really feel that connection you’re looking for. Do you like him so much though that you want to stay friends?

Or is the guy in question a friend who has been seducing you and you don’t quite know how? Give him the message that you don’t like him “that way”?

If you don’t know him very well yet, you may have exchanged a couple of messages through a dating app or on social media.

The reality is that in that case you do not need to give any explanation.

You can stop talking to him and move on.

But if you’ve gone further, you’ll have to decide if texting is appropriate or if a face-to-face chat is a better idea.

2) Think about what you want to say

Before explaining to another person that you are not interested, It’s good to have things clear in your head.

Especially if you like the guy and you think he’s nice.

Your reason for breaking up with a nice guy or not wanting to start something serious with him in the first place should focus on why he’s not the one for you.

By thinking carefully about what you want to say and how you’ll do it, there will be less chance of confusion or mixed messages when the time comes.

3) Make sure your words and actions match, don’t give him false hope

We don’t just communicate with each other verbally, we do it in many more ways.

That’s why it’s important that you not only say the right things, but your behavior should also back you up.

You may not even be aware of certain things you have been doing that could give you hope.

Perhaps you have told him that you “don’t see it that way.”

However, you then continue to flirt with him or text him late at night.

Chances are he’s getting mixed signals from what you say and do and that makes him think he still has a chance with you.

4) Be completely honest

In reality, there can be a huge failure in romantic communication when we try too hard to sugarcoat things.

You may be especially tempted to do this when you have to deliver bad news to a guy who’s also nice.

Of course, you don’t want to be mean, but being totally honest will be better for both of you in the long run.

Try to avoid telling only half the truth or a nicer version of how you feel to protect his ego.

If he’s a decent guy, then it’s more respectful and mature to be open about how you feel.

And it’s likely that he can handle it, too.

5) Compliment him

Many of the rules for giving negative feedback (as you would at work) can also apply to dating.

It shouldn’t be hard to come up with a compliment to soften the blow, since we all have good things. TRUE?

It’s okay to tell him that you admire many of his qualities and have enjoyed his company.

The sandwich technique consists of saying a good thing, then giving the bad news and finally another positive comment.

Hopefully he will appreciate that there are many things about him that you like.

6) Offer the hand of friendship

The phrase “let’s be friends” may seem like a cliché.

But if you really want to be friends, don’t be afraid to tell him.

If the news has been a big shock, you may want some time and space before you feel ready to strike up a friendship.

But even if he he prefers not to keep in touch, at least you gave him the option.

If you like this man, but not romantically, there is no reason not to try to keep him in your life.

Of course he must be happy with that too.

7) Consider telling him face to face

Whether you opt to have a conversation in real life over text will probably depend on how far the relationship has come.

When a few months have passed since you started dating, you might decide that it’s more respectful to explain things in person than over the phone.

You may feel cringed because it feels more awkward to tell someone to their face that you’re just not interested.

A good way to judge might be to ask yourself if you received this news, which would you prefer?

8) If you’re bad with words, send him a text

If you already know they have a hard time expressing themselves clearly or that things often go “wrong way,” it may be best to send a message or email instead.

I am one of those who believe that in person is better, but you should not suffer the process either. You have to worry about yourself too.

That way, you can take some time to think about what you really want to say and have it interpreted how you really want it to.

Of course, texting can also give the wrong impression, but if you know you’re going to be speechless, it might still be the best option.

9) Don’t ignore it

I am a true believer in “do not do to others what you would not like them to do to you.”

Seemingly disappearing without explanation has become something of an epidemic in modern dating.

In fact, research from a dating app found that 78% of people between the ages of 18 and 33 had been ghosted firsthand.

Rather than address the problem, we are understandably tempted to ignore it.

However, let’s remember that karma can always come and bite you in the ass, so it’s good to treat others as we want to be treated.

10) Don’t stretch him until he “gets the hints”

Another avoidance tactic that may tempt you is slowly walk away until he gets the message.

I’ve been guilty of this before. The truth is that it may work eventually, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.

We don’t really have to say the words “You do not interest me” the charming man against whom we have absolutely nothing.

But if you know that your intentions are to finish, leaving it in the dark is not the fairest thing to do.

A bit like a Band-Aid, it’s much better to rip it off all at once than to peel it off slowly and prolong the pain.

11) Do not be afraid of confrontation

I don’t think anyone normal would say they enjoy confrontation, but sometimes it’s also an unavoidable part of life.

Hopefully, the unrequited romance with this guy can be resolved in an amicable way.

But if the subtle approach hasn’t worked and he’s not getting your messages, you may have to pull out the big guns and opt for brute honesty to turn it down.

Even though it’s a horrible situation to be in, at least you’re learning some really valuable communication skills.

If you’re still not sure what to say, here are some examples of how to reject a guy in the nicest way possible and without hurting him.

Examples of how to tell a nice guy that you are not interested

How do you say you’re not interested in someone?

Let’s face it, there’s no ideal way to do it, but there are definitely better ways to express it than others.

How to tell him that you are not romantically interested?

“Even though I think you’re a handsome boy and a good person, I don’t think we’re the right person because X, Y, Z”

You can honestly compliment the qualities you think he has, but go on to explain that he’s not the right person for you.

In this way, you’re highlighting that there’s nothing unpleasant about him per se, he’s just not the one for you.

How to tell a friend that you are not interested?

“While I really value you as a person, I’m afraid I for one don’t feel romantic chemistry between us, so I’d rather remain just friends.”

If you already have a friendship with someone, or you’d rather be friends than continue dating, you can try explaining that there are simply no romantic feelings on your side.

How do you tell someone you’re not interested after a few dates?

“I’ve really enjoyed spending time getting to know you, but for me it’s not a connection that I see working long-term.”

Usually, it’s not until we get to know someone a little better that we realize it’s not going to work.

So you shouldn’t feel bad if you haven’t developed feelings for each other after getting to know them a little better.

How do you tell someone you’re not interested because you met someone else?

“I’ve really liked getting to know you better, but I have to be honest and let you know that I’ve actually met someone else who’s a better fit for me right now.”

Telling someone that you’re not interested and that you’ve met someone else may seem more brutal, but if it’s the truth, they deserve your honesty.

In the long run, you can also help them move on if they know you’re out of the market.

How to reject someone by message?

While always a good honest face to face conversation will be appreciated.

It is also possible that a guy you don’t like asks you out, but at the same time he is not that close to you.

So you just don’t feel like you have to explain much. But you also don’t want to leave it unanswered. In these cases you could resort to text messages to let him understand that you are not interested.

The main thing to keep in mind when rejecting someone by message is:

Be clear and honest with him Do not contact him after having rejected him, or want to start friendly conversations with him Endless explanations are unnecessary Always be kind Thank you for the gesture or invitation and decline the proposal

In the end

You’re nice, he’s nice, it’s all very awkward, right?

But here’s the good news… the fact that you’re considerate enough to care about turning him down nicely, and the fact that you think he’s a good guy, means that it probably won’t turn out as bad as you think.

While it might be a bit awkward for both of you, no matter how amazing and beautiful you are, the reality is that he’ll get over it.

So instead of avoiding things and staying in the limbo of friendliness forever, it’s much better to be honest.