I understand you. It’s not just you who feels loneliness running through your veins and shivering your spine. The truth is that we know that this idealization has no future, but even so, we insist on creating expectations already knowing the final result.

I know how it feels to go to sleep and wake up thinking about someone. To smile like a fool looking at a white wall. Make plans and dream with your eyes wide open. I know what it feels like to see things where they don’t exist, to have one-sided feelings. I know how it feels to go out with a lot of people and wish you were with just one, that we barely know where you’re having fun tonight.

I know how it feels to hug the pillow to contain the longing that overflows in your eyes. I know what it’s like to remember that someone in every moment, in every detail.

I know what it feels like to want more than just the case, to shape a lifetime with someone. I know how it feels to go to the club, wanting to be at the movies as a couple. I know how it feels to listen to a song and incessantly remember someone. To miss the moments that never even existed.

I know how it feels to be asked what my status is, to respond with a denial that could be a huge smile, with great pride. Followed by your name, our address and a ring. I know how it feels to try to fill a space that nothing fits. I know what it’s like to have multiple contacts on your cell phone, all on silent.

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I know what it’s like to ignore messages and invites, I know how lazy it is. I know what it’s like to move forward looking back. I know what it’s like to get likes and comments from those who don’t make any difference. I know what it feels like to want and not be able to. I know very well, and how painful it is…

SEE TOO:

I won’t say I love you

I know how it feels to want someone who doesn’t want you. Of getting stuck in a relationship that only exists in your head. I know how it feels to be called an idiot by everyone around you. I know how it feels to try to be happy, when in reality, all we want is to cry non-stop.

I know what it feels like to force outings just to try to think less about that someone, and it doesn’t help. I know what it feels like to have the best to offer and be overlooked. I know how it feels to romanticize a glass of liquor. I know how it feels to kiss other mouths trying to forget, but end up remembering even more.

I know what it feels like to want someone so much, to the point of not relegating self-love to the highest level of egocentrism. I know what it’s like to want someone who doesn’t assume you, who doesn’t lift a finger for you. I know how it feels to not know you well, but still want to.

I know what it’s like to be willing to fill in completely unknown strengths and weaknesses. I know what it feels like to watch the sunset and all this inspiration make no sense. Just like the moon shine. I know how it feels to take trips to amazing places, but none of them are a better option than, in imagination, bringing those we most want closer.

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I know how it feels to not go to the same places you’ve always been, for not knowing how to deal with the tightness in your chest. I know what it feels like to cling to useless objects, becoming materialistic. I know how much the lack of reciprocity hurts, and you know it too.

To mature, maybe that’s it, to let go of what we were already afraid of losing. So for my heart, as much as I say goodbye to that someone, leaving never meant forgetting.