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I don’t know you anymore

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Yesterday I found a photo of us, which I used as a bookmark in a book I was reading a few months ago. It’s that picture of us playing sword fight, you know?! I start laughing without realizing it, remembering all the funny dances we came up with that night.

I end up diving into a sea of ​​memories, I close my eyes and I start to remember all the moments we lived, all the games, all the antics, and something made my heart tighten, simply because I realize that I don’t miss everything so much This is what we live for, but I miss the person you were so much more. I don’t know you anymore.

I don’t know who you are anymore, or what you want for your life. I don’t know what kind of joke makes you laugh anymore. I don’t know what kind of place you like to hang out with, or what kind of people you like to hang out with. I don’t know what you’re going to want to do after class anymore, or do with your life.

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I don’t know if you still kiss your mother’s head every time you come home, or if you arrive at your house when your mother is already asleep. I no longer know what your plans are, your wishes. I don’t know you anymore.

I miss when I looked at you and saw a sparkle in your eyes, those that you only see in the eyes of a boy with a good heart, you know?! I miss when they filled up with water from you laughing so hard. I can’t remember the last time I saw you smile, I can’t remember the last time I saw a sincere smile come out of you. I don’t know you anymore.

Is your dog still sick? You still haven’t found your sneakers?! Ask São Longuinho for help, jump around and soon you’ll find him. You know, I miss when you were so detached, that you lost your things and found them in the most unusual places. Today, I think you have been so concerned about the material possessions you have, that you must have found a very effective way to not lose control of any of them. I don’t know you anymore.

The truth is that it pains me to see a person letting themselves sink into such a minimized version of themselves, by their own choice. I can give you some advice? Do you promise not to be offended?

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Try to find yourself again. Try to have that warm hug again, that charming way. Try to go back to being that man with a boy’s heart, you know?! With a sparkle in her eyes, a smile on her face and flip-flops on her feet.

You became just one more in the crowd, and there was a time when you were that person who arrived at places and illuminated everything and everyone who was there. No, you are no longer the same. No, I no longer recognize you, but it’s never too late to bring out the best in yourself. You are much better than you think, much better than you have been, and you know it.

I hope that one day you will find yourself, and be the best that you can be, but today, I prefer to close my book, with the photo kept inside it, and with it I keep everything that we live, everything that I miss in you, because as much as I hope that one day you will go back to who you were, you are no longer that person, and I cannot fool myself, thinking that things are going to be different, precisely because you are different, you are no longer more the same.

The truth is, I just don’t know you anymore.

Diandra Ferracini

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