I don’t have social skills… what do I do?

Although they do not have a specific definition, we all talk about them. Social skills are the set of behaviors that help us relate to others and that we usually learn by imitation. They shape our way of being in front of others and are evident, for example, in the way we behave in a meeting or when starting a conversation with a stranger.

Social skills are closely related to psychology and for this reason they can be addressed in consultation with a therapist. It is worth as a first step to know well what they are before determining that you do not have any. You don’t have to be so pessimistic in life!

What are social skills?

Social skills have been studied and analyzed in psychology for several decades. In fact, the first research in this regard dates back to 1949. Precisely thanks to these years of research, we can classify social skills into different groups, which would be configured as follows:

First group. Here are the most basic ones like listen, start and maintain a conversation, say thank you, ask a question, introducing yourself and introducing a person, having a dialogue, having empathy or giving a compliment.Second group. There are advanced social skills, such as giving and following instructions, asking for help, apologizing, participating, giving an opinion, and convincing others.Third group. They are the skills that are related to what we feel. For this reason they are distinguished know and express feelings, understand the sensations of others, expressing affection, facing the anger of others, rewarding oneself, and resolving fears.Fourth group. There are those that are identified with self-control, such as asking for permission, helping, sharing, loving, negotiating, having self-control, responding to jokes, defending one’s rights, avoiding problems with third parties and not fighting.Fifth group. In the latter are the skills that allow you to cope with stress. That is, making and responding to a complaint, resolving embarrassment, persuasion, accusation and failure, standing up for someone, dealing with a contradictory message, preparing for a difficult conversation and coping with pressure.

Empathy and social skills

Once again we are faced with a word that perhaps we do not use very often but that we experience at all times. Empathy has to do with understanding what the other feels – in their circumstances, from their place – and acting accordingly. Unlike what some think, it does not imply “treating someone the way we like to be treated” because, fortunately, everyone likes different things.

Being more or less empathetic does not always depend on teaching. Not even from an innate characteristic that we inherit when we are born. It is believed that women are more so than men since they need to understand what their children want when they are little. Thus, it seems that women have a more developed sensitivity to social contact because it has been an important factor for natural selection.

Empathizing with one or more people is the first step for the other to feel comfortable in the interaction. If you start to be more empathetic, people will like you better, you will be more persuasive, you will make yourself heard, you will have more motivation and you will understand what happens to others.

How about your social skills?

Let’s leave theory aside to go directly to practice. The part that is more complicated, but worth practicing with. Techniques you can try to be socially skilled are:

Pay attention to the tone of voice, posture, gaze and even the silences of the interlocutor. All that information is at your disposal. It is worth knowing how to take it and use it as a tool in your favor. Imagine what motivates the other to be or do something. How do you think you would cope if you had a problem?Get the other person to do their part. Ask how are you? And allow me to answer you openly. Be interested in their words. Do not draw conclusions. Avoid phrases like “your problem is…” or “you’re wrong about…” because in this way the other person will shut down, believing that you are going to give them a lecture.Rephrase your words and phrases so that the interlocutor feels understood. “I think this situation is what is affecting your mood”, “it seems to me that you really have reasons to feel tired”, etc.Put yourself in other people’s shoes. Make the effort to come out of your shell and try to think for a moment like the person next to you or on the other end of the phone.

If you improve your social skills you will soon notice how your relationships improve. It won’t take you long to appreciate how they come back richer and more abundant. In addition, they will not only affect the improvement of your most emotional social circle, but they will also give you a hand in the world of work!

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