I burden you with my guilt (psychological projection)

Psychological projection is a defense mechanism that we frequently use. It is done, for example, by someone who, unable to face their emotions, conflicts and turbulent internal moods, dumps them on others in the form of criticism and harmful dynamics. It is thinking that others have the defect, but never oneself.

On the other hand, there can also be that type of projection that, without being harmful, falls into idealism. Let’s think for example about that time of innocence and youth when we were in love with someone. Somehow, almost unconsciously, We attribute to that person traits and virtues that did not fully correspond to reality. We praised his kindness, his concern, his successes and great attributes due to that halo of perfection that the mind itself was responsible for projecting.

Love is sometimes a very favorable context in which to develop psychological projection. Now, it must be said, that The real problem occurs when a clearly negative projection is put into practice. There where the person who executes it has obvious emotional deficiencies, throwing on other thoughts inhabited by anger, frustration…

Let’s talk today about feelings of guilt, and how sometimes, far from assuming and facing them, they turn outward with the intention of hurting others. The ones they are closest to, the ones they supposedly appreciate the most.

Projection: distorting reality for one’s own benefit

Let’s start by giving an example. Your partner is an insecure person who fears commitment. Far from assuming that reality, it begins to punish you, making sure you don’t make things easy for him. That you are always giving him signs of distrust and a clear desire to hurt him.

The problem is not in you, it is in him/her. Now, far from facing the fact that she has a self-esteem and self-confidence problem, she punishes you by exposing things that are not true. She shoots her rage at you with sharp darts, and He projects his negative emotions onto you because in this way he achieves all these dimensions:

Ignore the problem and attribute it to others.Get rid of that internal burden and leave it outside, in the people around you.By generating guilt in others, you gain a position of power. “I do NOT have the problem”, OTHERS have it, the world is the one who should move around me, not me. By interpreting that it is others who have the real problem, They manage to distort their reality in such a way that they come to believe it. To believe his fantasy, his error, thus denying his true shortcomings.

Origin of the mechanisms of psychological projection

The roots of psychological projection are nourished by psychoanalytic theories. However, approaches such as Gestalt have made this psychological dimension one of their most important points. Let’s see it below.

Sigmund Freud

The theory of psychological projection was developed by Sigmund Freud. It was during his clinical practice that she noticed something interesting: many of his patients put into other people’s voices or figures feelings that they themselves experienced but did not dare to admit. Far from assuming or unraveling those emotions or internal drives, they accused others of those same states.

Later, other relevant psychoanalysts such as Jacques Lacan, related the phenomenon of projection to neurosis. Be that as it may, within this framework the difficulty in making people see this mechanism was always highlighted. Patients are not always prepared to return inside what is at one moment placed on top of others.

Likewise, and in relation to this, From the University of Virginia, for example, a study was carried out where it was proven that excuses, those common resources in our daily lives, are also a type of psychological projection. Often with this, in addition to denying evidence, we come to blame others for not being able to carry out certain things because we are not able to evidence an internal fact.

Gestalt psychology

“When we project we do not know what we are projecting. Much less that we are a projector. So, projection consists of the tendency to hold the environment responsible for what originates in the Self.”. This phrase was stated by one of the leading figures in Gestalt psychology: Fritz Pearls.

For this approach, one of its main purposes is undoubtedly to facilitate personal fulfillment. To do this, we must be fully aware of each process, emotion, personal reality and conflict that exists within us. Psychological projections are essentially unaccepted and even repressed states that must be “released.”

Therefore, To awaken human potential you have to touch those internal caves, give them light and walk hand in hand with those complex emotions. Acceptance fosters freedom and growth.

How to break the psychological projection?

The topic of psychological projection is really complex. And sadly frequent. Sometimes, Many people who suffer physical and psychological abuse continue to project a positive image on their partners.. For what reason? Because that way they protect themselves from reality.

“If my partner feels jealous it is because he loves me.” “My partner loves me deep down, sometimes he makes mistakes, but he is the person who cares about me the most.” Projecting these ideas is falling into a distortion of reality. where their world is more innocuous. There where not accepting reality in all its harshness, where every brave person should be able to react and defend themselves.

What should we do?

Understand that What we project on others is actually a defense mechanism. A lifeline in which to shelter ourselves from admitting something certain. We must understand that Projecting guilt and anger on those around us will only generate more negative emotions.. We will fall into a vicious circle where that false “sense of power” will cause us a hard fall in the long term.If you are the one who suffers this projection from another person, make them see clearly how you feel. Warn him that this behavior cannot be maintained for a long time. That you feel bad, humiliated and manipulated. Also understand that the moment the person assumes that his psychological projection actually hides a personal lack, he will make them lose their “sense of control.” Upon realizing this, they will suffer a kind of personal fall in which they will need help and support to “rebuild” themselves.. To face these problems, these shortcomings.

But overall It is not easy to accept that we all project occasionally. Sometimes we do it without realizing it, we think that the defect is out there and not in ourselves. Thinking that the person we love is little more than a perfect creature, for example…

We all have flaws, we all have shortcomings. The ideal would be to always act with humility and objectivity. because, at the end of the day, we are all beautiful imperfect beings who try to survive in a complex world to be happy.

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