How to work on assertive communication in a couple?

Among all the communication styles that exist, assertiveness is one of the most effective. However, few people are able to put it into practice, especially in their emotional relationships. For this reason, Today we will discover how to work on assertive communication in a couple even before conflicts appear.

Article Assertiveness: definitions and dimensions explains that this social skill is a “behavior that expresses an individual’s feelings and thoughts in an honest way without hurting those of others.” As we see, this is fundamental in every relationship, which is why it is important to work on assertive communication in the couple.

Ways to work on assertive communication in couples

Assertive communication in a couple can be practiced every day with small actions simple. But, for them to really have an effect, and for the members of the relationship to come away strengthened instead of hurt when an argument occurs, it is advisable to incorporate them into the routine.

Express what we think and feel

It may seem obvious; However, in relationships, the thoughts or feelings they harbor are rarely expressed. For example, if it bothers us that the other person plays the music too loud, Instead of telling them, we may prefer to remain silent to avoid conflict..

This is counterproductive, since we can end up exploding. Furthermore, these uncomfortable moments that we can experience in our day are an opportunity to work on assertive communication as a couple. It is better not to remain silent and, with respect, ask the other person to lower the music.

Learn to speak for ourselves

For some reason, We do not usually speak in the first person when we argue with someone. Thus, we very easily blame our partner and may even use phrases like “because my friend also sees things the way I do,” for example.

This is a mistake, since it does not allow us to work on assertive communication in the couple. Learning to speak in the first person helps us take responsibility for our emotions and verbalize them. If we don’t know how to do it, we can use “I feel…” or “I have perceived it…”.

Before attacking, better ask

How many times have we attacked our partner if he or she has told us “you are very messy” or “I don’t like that you do this like that”? Our reaction is usually aggressive instead of assertive. If we were already used to being assertive instead of attacking, we would ask.

For example, if our partner tells us that we are very messy, we can ask him how we can improve this or why he thinks so. Thus, We will start a dialogue that will lead us to a solution that is agreeable to all.. Because, sometimes, it seems that our partner is our enemy and that is not the case.

Think before speak

Although there are many other ways to work on communication as a couple, all of them, as we mentioned, must be practiced every day. Of course, there are some tips that can be of great help when we start a discussion to avoid falling into old patterns of behavior.

Think about the message, but also about the forms: feeling hurt or even attacked can cause us to hurt our partner. For this reason, it is better to breathe, stay calm and think before speaking. No hurry. Think that shapes can invalidate your message and generate a real conflict.Let’s empathize with our partner: learning to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, something very valuable if we really know them well.Do not accumulate complaints: As we mentioned, it is preferable to express what bothers us when we feel it… and not in a conversation in which the debate is different.

Let’s take advantage of every moment of our day to work on assertive communication as a couple. So, little by little, We will build an intimacy in which trust grows.

Let us remember that hurting ourselves through words is not constructive, rather, destructive. As Satir says, in the article The bond of a couple: an emotional possibility to growLet’s not forget express ourselves in a “direct, honest and respectful way”.

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