How to stop fighting so much with my partner – HERE THE KEYS

Since we are all different people, with a different education (not better or worse, but different), with different experiences that They have marked us in a unique wayTherefore, we cannot expect our partner (or anyone else) to think or feel things in the same way as us.

Starting from here, it is understandable that “clashes” occur with our partner, since it is impossible to agree with everything and sometimes the problem is not being aware that their point of view is as valid as ours.

Why don’t we stop arguing

Maybe it’s a topic we’ve already raised, but you keep wondering why you guys can’t stop arguing. The main reasons may be the following:

Lack of emotional management: many times it is due to a lack of emotional management. If we are not able to control and learn from our feelings, we will not be able to easily carry on a relationship. For example, if we feel jealous, it is time to reflect and think if we have real reasons to feel that way or if, in reality, it is a reflection of our past, of that moment when we were hurt. If this is the case and we do not know how to solve it, it is best to go to a psychologist or professional of our interest to help us with emotional management.We do not respect the other: As we said, their point of view is as valid as yours. Sometimes this is something that pride or ego does not allow us to see clearly. After all, we live in a society in which we must survive and in which, many times, we cannot believe everything we see or are told. But with our partner it is not necessary to be so cautious, we have to trust him or her and value him or her as he or she deserves. Even so, this can also occur because both members of the couple are very dominant and “fight” to dominate the other, to be “better” than the other, which would be a problem if they do not agree.Resentment of the past: Sometimes we let things pass that bother us or hurt us so as not to argue, but everything, over time, has to come out. If you don’t express it at the time, it can come out with much more force when you least expect it. It’s the same thing that happens with anxiety. Anxiety is generally caused by an accumulation of feelings and emotions that are not expressed or managed correctly at the time. A fight with your partner over past resentment would be something similar, it would be a very damaging “explosion” for both of you. Communication is the basis of every relationship, so you don’t have to be afraid to express what you think or feel.Unsolved past problems: It could also be the case that things from the past were discussed, but for some reason they were not resolved and the thorn is still there, emerging from time to time in the form of doubts, questions, hints and, of course, discussion. If this is creating a big problem in the couple, it is best to go to couples therapy.Bad communication: Another option that answers the question of why we don’t stop arguing is because there is poor communication between the couple. If we do not express ourselves well from the beginning, we run the risk of our partner interpreting our words incorrectly, which would end up leading to a later argument.Need to seek external conflict: We all have bad days, but our partner doesn’t have to pay for it. It may also be the case that we are suffering internal conflicts and we do not know how to manage them. In these cases, it is with the partner with whom we have more trust, which means that with them we are more relaxed and, therefore, without realizing it, we open ourselves and let all the good and bad come out. If we are going through a bad time, try to avoid unloading all the negative energies on your partner, he or she does not deserve it.Expectations: It may also be the case that we are very demanding and have a series of expectations with our partner that are not met, or that we expect a reaction from our partner that, later, is not what is carried out. Given this, we get frustrated, angry and, therefore, we end up arguing with him or her.take things for granted: Although sometimes intuitions are quite accurate, in our relationships we must avoid taking things for granted. If we think that something strange is happening, we should talk about it with the partner and ask them if this is the case. The same goes for interpretations. If our partner says something and his tone confuses us, we must ask him what he meant, and not stick with our first impression.My partner doesn’t respect me: If despite all your efforts to make the relationship work, you feel that your partner is not respecting you and is harming you with his attitude, it is normal for confrontations to occur.

If the discussions go further and abuse occurs, whether physical or psychological, at unCOMO we remember that it is a situation that no need to tolerate and that, in those cases, we must ask the authorities of our country for help.

It must be said that, like everything bad, Discussions can get “hooked”. If the arguments become very constant, perhaps, as a couple, we will learn that this is the way to solve small daily conflicts.

But what happens if you don’t stop arguing with your partner over trivial things? Many times it is due to a problem when communicating and expressing ourselves. Thus, it is important to know, first, what are the types of communication that exist:

Passive communication: in this type of communication, one of the two members of the couple never expresses their opinions and accepts everything that the other person tells them without complaining, even if they do not agree or do not like what the other person thinks. This usually happens with withdrawn and insecure people.Aggressive communication: In this type of communication, insults, shouts are used and opinions are expressed in a very unpleasant way. This is a form of communication that tends to trigger arguments more easily.Assertive communication: Assertive is considered the best form of communication, since it is based on communicating and respecting others. Furthermore, in this type of communication you must express yourself in a calm and calm manner. Sometimes the tone is more important than the words.

If you want to avoid arguing with your partner over trivial things, the key is in assertive communication. For more information on how to stop fighting so much with my partner, you may also be interested in this other unCOMO article on How to avoid arguing with my partner.

At the outset, it must be clarified that arguing is not bad, since it is simply a way of exposing our feelings and thoughts. However, there is a fine line between speaking our minds and “fighting.”

Arguing is not the same as fighting

The word “discussion” has, over the years, taken on a wrong meaning. Arguing is not bad, but it is only the action of exchange opinions under respect for the other. Just as it says the psychologist Claudia Pradas Gallardo in your article I argue a lot with my partner over stupid things, what do I do? This is something extremely necessary, since the basis of a couple is communication and discussion is part of it:

All couples should communicate to learn more about each other, to express their needs or if at any time one of the two offends the other, to be able to say so to resolve it in the best possible way.

As we see, we should not be afraid to argue. What you do have to avoid fights at all costs.

In the fight they occur verbal attacks, which are synonymous with not respecting others or undervaluing them. A fight is not the same as an argument. Discussion is necessary to express needs and reach agreements. The fight is an attack on the other, sometimes even with the intention of hurting him.

How not to fight so much with your partner

As we said, communication is what is important, but also the willingness to want to improve the relationship. It is not enough that only one of the two wants to stop arguing, but this must be a teamwork. Although the basis is communication, as we have seen, the following is also very important:

Empathize with your partner: The best way to understand others is to put yourself in their shoes and understand why they say what they say or why they think what they think. In other words, it is necessary to learn to be more empathetic so that the relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend can go smoothly.Learn to listen: Sometimes listening is not as easy as it seems. We may think we are listening to what they are saying, but in reality we don’t even want the sound of their words to enter our ears. This is a problem that must be solved, since we cannot expect to be heard and not listen to the other.Learn to express yourself: If you are one of those who do not express themselves enough or correctly, this is something that needs to be worked on. If you don’t express yourself clearly, your partner will probably misinterpret your words and you will argue again when, in reality, you could have avoided it.Don’t take things for granted: learn to ask and let yourself ask. If there is something that is not clear, simply… clarify it! Otherwise, there will be silly and unnecessary arguments.Do not criticize or reproach: First of all, the attack must be avoided. If you attack, the most normal thing is for the other person to defend themselves. And thus, the argument or fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend begins. If you have a habit of speaking offensively to protect yourself and you don’t know how to solve it, go to a professional to help you with therapy.Keep calm: When the confrontation occurs or you see that it is about to happen, do not jump, do not shout or insult. Remain calm at all times and speak in a calm tone. As a general rule, how you speak is how you will be spoken to.

Of course, above all, do not tolerate offenses or toxic attitudes. Love and respect yourself. If you feel that your partner is not treating you well and hurts you without caring, perhaps it is time to rethink your relationship.

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