How to recover distant friendships after months of isolation?

Some memes circulating on the internet show a 2020 calendar with the months January, February, pandemic, December. This sense of expanded isolation is no surprise. After all, we’ve been home (or living under unusual circumstances) for seven months.

In the field of facts, we have alarming numbers of deaths, the increase in unemployment and the accumulation of tasks at home, especially for those who have children of school age. In the field of feelings, we have already experienced grief, anguish, panic and a few moments of hope.

Disagreements were not few, especially between those who took the situation seriously and respected the distance and those who were caught or posted photos on social networks at clandestine parties and trips. “The pandemic and the damage it caused emotionally and psychologically will need to be evaluated”, points out psychologist Marilene Kehdi.

Faced with this complex scenario, it is normal for friendships to have lost their luster – just like a bar table or a dinner party to have a good laugh! Now that tempers have calmed down and flexibility has begun, it’s time to resume paused relationships or at least rethink them. Some connections deserve attention and affection.

And they also require a high dose of empathy to understand that, during this period, it’s okay to have disappeared. Even preventing and avoiding frequent contact, there are ways to get closer to loved ones and humanize partnerships more.

work the empathy

You have to have respect for the person you want to reconnect with, of course, but also for yourself. Reflect to understand if you are already emotionally prepared for this resumption. Then, evaluate the context in which your friend is inserted. Is he overloaded? Last time you spoke, how was he psychologically?

“Respect and empathy go together. By making an effort to see through his eyes, you can understand what he is experiencing”, explains clinical psychologist Mariana Nora*. Be careful with the charges, your friend doesn’t have to meet your expectations.

“We need to get out of our territory of certainties and stop orbiting around narcissism. Only then can we welcome something that belongs to the other. See if you can be interested in what the person has to say, even if you don’t have the same convictions”, advises Ana Suy Sesarino Kuss, psychologist and professor at the Pontifical Catholic University of Paraná (PUC-PR).

Remember what you have in common

Try to rescue the strengths of the relationship. What did you like to do together? What passion did they share? Student Viviane Neves Garcia Torre, 23, spent years without talking to her best friend. The two fell out after one of them got involved in a toxic relationship and walked away.

In March, already in isolation, they decided to give their friendship another chance. “She is an extremely important person to me. The first time we got back to talking, she sent me a 25-minute audio,” she says, laughing. “Then we added each other again on social media, exchanged memes and I think that broke the ice. Now, through video calls, we show makeup and clothes that we bought just like we did before the fight.”

“Perhaps this is the opportunity to listen to the subtlety of each one, to understand how we can do this comfortably, without it being an obligation”

Ana Suy, psychologist

Make the virtual more human

During the quarantine period, we used the internet to promote meetings. Obviously, it doesn’t even come close to that nice feeling of hugging someone dear, but better a
happy hour virtual than nothing. Instead of exchanging text messages, arrange a phone call or video call. Hearing the voice and seeing the friend’s expressions is very good for the relationship.

“This exchange brings us closer to reality”, says psychologist Mariana. Gather your group, combine what you are going to drink and eat and enjoy, even if everyone is at home. You can have lunch, dinner and even a Sunday barbecue. “We call this a coping strategy. It is a way of dealing with these moments of adversity”, she explains.

make a surprise

If you can’t take another minute of video calling, there are other ways to show affection. Public relations professional Laura Magalhães Barbosa, 27, is in strict isolation because she has suffered from asthma since she was a little girl, a condition that puts her in the risk group for Covid-19. In addition, the busy routine of the home office prevents her from maintaining frequent exchanges of messages.

So she opted for a cute alternative. “At the beginning of the pandemic, I bought flowers and beers to brighten the day of three friends and show that I was there”, she reports. Practice became habit. Since then, Laura organizes herself to surprise her friends with treats.

“I already gave cold cuts boards and cakes. I find it super fun to look for ideas on the internet. That’s how I found a brand that makes gift boxes in Mozambique and I sent it to my brother, who lives there, ”he says.

think of alternatives

It’s still not the ideal time to gather a lot of people. But, if you are really missing a face-to-face connection, some activities can be carried out outdoors, with restrictions, following the guidelines of the health authorities.

For example, arrange a hike or bike ride with a friend (wearing masks, of course). “In addition to social interaction, which is essential for mental health, you will be practicing exercise, which is also very important”, says Mariana.

If you live alone and feel safe, invite him to your house. “Physical contact will not be possible, but the exchange of glances will be possible. The friend, in turn, will demonstrate respect, care and appreciation if he uses gel alcohol or takes a slipper to the person’s house”, says Mariana.

Student Sofia Andreassa, 23, celebrated the birthday of one of them with two colleagues. “They passed a lot of alcohol on their hands and we didn’t hug, despite the longing”, she points out.

Understand that each one is one

There is no rule for what we are living. Decisions are individual, but they cannot go beyond the limits of the other or those imposed by the government, of course. Understand that not everyone is ready to leave the house and that some cannot establish a strong bond through messages or video calls.

“The way to proceed varies from one person to another. We have different realities, it’s bad to mass and propose that it be in an x ​​or y way”, says Ana Suy. “Perhaps this is the opportunity to listen to the subtlety of each one, to understand how we can do this comfortably, without it being an obligation”, concludes the psychologist.

*CRP 12/15000

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