How to recognize an absorbing relationship

An influential American society journalist named Walter Winchell had a maxim: “never above you, never below you, always by your side.” It seems logical, but it is not always like that. In fact, In an absorbing relationship there is a clear asymmetry in the relational dynamics.

It is normal to spend a lot of time with your partner or even thinking about them every day, but What is not so healthy is invading the personal space of others and having almost no personal life. due to the constant demands that occur in this type of relationship.

Nevertheless, There are people who do not realize that they are immersed in an absorbing relationship because they assume certain behaviors as normal.. For them, the loss of intimacy and individuality is associated with the love they feel for the other person. For this reason, below we indicate some signs that warn about this.

5 signs that indicate that you are in an absorbing relationship

If you feel identified with the majority of these indicators, it means that you are immersed in an absorbing relationship:

1. Loss of autonomy

Eliana Heresi, doctor and academic at the UDP Faculty of Psychology, The first sign that leads us to recognize an absorbing relationship is the loss of autonomy. Although in the initial stage of falling in love it may be normal, once this phase is over you begin to emerge from said isolation.

If a couple does not pass this phase, begins to close its borders and ends up isolating itself from the rest. At first, those involved do not perceive it, but sooner or later they discover a certain social isolation and the deterioration of their individual relationships.

On the other hand, Heresi states that a person needs a certain degree of individuality within the couple. That is, it must maintain its social relationships and its ties in various areas. If this is lost, the individual becomes more prone to abuse and receives less information from the environment. In this way, jealousy, conflicts over relationships with third parties and the decrease in social and family relationships are born.

2. Asymmetric relationship

Another of the most striking aspects that we must look at to identify an absorbing relationship is asymmetry. The existence of a dominant role on the part of one of the members of the couple or even both, depending on the situation, It prevents personal development and encourages situations of dependency, manipulation or abuse.

An example of asymmetry would be need for approval and confirmation from others for life to have meaning.

A healthy relationship stands out for being symmetrical, that is, both components are observed as pairs. If one of them is above the other, this symmetry is lost. However, it is difficult to recognize, since in many cases it is confused with love, instead of control or jealousy, as is usual.

3. Failed attempts to regain independence

Another sign that indicates an absorbing relationship is the attempt to regain independence by one of the members of the couple and the refusal of the other to achieve that goal.

Being aware of an absorbing bond is not easy. Although you can always become aware despite the fears, conflicts and problems that may arise. However, one of the people may not be willing to face the problems that arise when trying to get out of this situation. In fact, the most common reaction is usually to become defensive, without the ability to recognize mistakes or reflect on the relationship.

In this context, expanding friendships and social relationships can be a positive thing mutually. It can be as simple as having coffee with a co-worker or family member.

4. Fear of loneliness

This is another of the clues that we can identify in an absorbing relationship. The fear of being alone if the partner abandons us can cause this type of dynamics to perpetuate.

Generally, These fears come from past experiences. They may have occurred within the same couple or in previous relationships. But whatever the case, they generate insecurity and underlie the bond with the other person.

5. Need to spend most of the time with your partner

Related to the previous indicator, we have the absence of time alone. In this case, one or both members They find it difficult to separate from their partner for short periods and feel the need to share everything.

In the long run, this behavior ends up being exhausting and frustrating.. So, after a while, it is quite common for one of them (or both) to begin to desire spaces to cultivate her own individuality, either by sharing with other people or doing activities of enjoyment alone.

What to do if I am in an absorbing relationship?

In these cases, communication and honesty are key pieces to face and overcome this problem. But you have to be very careful, choosing appropriately the moment, the words and the tone of the conversation.

In other words, We must establish assertive communication with our partnerwhere we can express clearly and directly our needs, feelings and opinions, without resorting to disrespect.

Nevertheless, Sometimes the reasons for this behavior are so deep-rooted that professional help is needed. to overcome the problem. In some cases, a breakup will even be necessary, since toxic behaviors have deteriorated the relationship so much that the bond is irreparable.

Therefore, if you recognize that you are in an absorbing relationship, the ideal will be to solve the problem as soon as possible, before it is too late.

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