How to *REALLY* Know If It’s Love What You’re Feeling

If you google “how to know if it’s love what I’m feeling”, you will surely be disappointed. Because usually all the advice about it is just a hoax.

Here’s a small sample about it:

“He/she is always on your mind”

This is not Love. It’s love.

If someone “always” is on your mind, you’re not focused on other really important things. And that’s a problem.

True love fits into real life instead of usurping it. He is calm and non-stressful.

“You want him/her 24/7” or “You can’t get enough of him/her”

Read the topic above.

“He/she is your ‘everything’”

Idem.

“You see him/her in your future”

“When I imagined my future job/house/pet dog, they were always in the back of my imagination helping me with what I was doing. My future just didn’t make sense without them around.”

Well, I mean, damn it! I fantasize a lot – how could I imagine moving to Switzerland to be a goat farmer. That doesn’t mean I should do this.

The problem is that we turn “love” into a game of escapism and measure potential mates according to how well they fit this fantasy. This is not Love.

So, sure, see him/her in your future – but not because he/she “completes the picture”.

“He/she is the person of your dreams”

Look above.

“You always want him/her around”

HAHAHAHA… Clearly you’ve never been in a long term (healthy) relationship.

You should generally want to see and be with him/her and enjoy the moments. But love is not always being close. Sometimes you need a minute alone. Sometimes you need to work or do other things. Or, just enjoy YOUR moment.

Don’t think it’s not love just because sometimes you want space.

“You will do whatever it takes to impress him/her.”

Well. It’s scary.

Is it difficult to understand? Loving is not “awesome.”

“Are you afraid…”

“From losing him/her, from waking up one day and not seeing him/her by your side in bed…” and the list goes on.

Healthy love does not involve fear of loss. This is an abusive relationship and needs to be addressed.

Nor does it involve fear of “not being reciprocated”. I don’t even know what it is. Low self esteem? Lack of conviction? I do not know…

“You are jealous of him/her”

This is attachment, not love.

“He/she is beautiful.”

This is self love, not love. (Also: you’re being an idiot)

“He/she is kind to you.”

Well. Glad you’re satisfying your emotional needs.

But that just means that he or she is deserving of love and not that you are in love.

“You just found out”

Of course! Thanks for the most useless advice ever.

Don’t perpetuate nonsense and call it “love” just because you don’t have adequate answers for what you’re living.

BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THESE:

“He/she is the best part of your day”

Here it is clear that the rest of your day must have been pretty cool, right?!

Good: If you are happy with your life and your partner adds value to it, then congratulations. You are on the right track. Keep it up!

Bad: if you are unhappy and use your partner as an outlet, you need to pull yourself together.

“You always prioritize him/her”

Good: you really care about their wants and needs and prioritize them in a way that doesn’t put you down.

Bad: you compromise your own wants and needs or base your values ​​on the ability to “keep him/her happy”.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU LIKE HIM:

He/she is different from everyone else

Positive point for him/her.

You like them for who they are, not just their looks

Congratulations, there may be hope for you yet.

Do you want him/her to be happy

Excellent. I want happiness for most people too.

You will experience new things with him/her

You’ve found someone you’re comfortable with and enjoy being around. Congratulations.

He/she inspires you to be a better person

Our friends have that kind of effect on our lives too. That doesn’t mean you love him/her.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE REALLY LOVING HIM:

1. You know why you decided to love

You don’t feel love. You decide to love. It is an act, not a feeling. It is a moment-to-moment decision and commitment. You know because it is deliberate and conscious.

2. You know why you make good use of the act of loving

You invest. You exert effort.

You do not intentionally harm. You are not vindictive, petty, manipulative or jealous. Your needs never seem irritating. You don’t do something expecting to get a reward in return. You feel good without demanding constant reassurance.

You learned to use the language of love. You know that in order to love him/her, you must, first of all, love yourself – “love your neighbor as yourself” (many confuse this verse). You support him/her. You care and take care of him/her. You accept and allow him/her to be who he/she is.

3. You know you do love even when you don’t want to

Because everyone thinks they love when the skies are clear and the waters calm, but watch your love when the storm comes.

You know it’s love, because you love even when you’re upset. It’s love even in fights. Even if there is no agreement.

It’s love when you know that your biggest goal is to reach an agreement, not to choose who will be the winner after an argument.

It’s love when you’re not defensive, insecure, depressed.

It’s love when you seek to understand before being understood; hear what he/she is sharing. You act like you’re on the same team. You listen. You commit. You apologize. You forgive.

It’s love because you love even when you’re hurt. Especially when honoring and respecting their wants and needs, even when they include giving up.

What we should really Google is “how to love?”, not “how do I know if it’s love what I’m feeling?”.

We like to differentiate between “being in love” and “loving” someone. But “being in love with” is infatuation, and infatuation has nothing to do with true love.

So if what you want is true love, then “how” is all that matters.

You “know” why you decide. It’s love when you do. All the time.

SEE TOO:

Don’t date to pass time!