How to help an abused woman

Helping an abused woman is not easy. It is not because often these realities inhabit the sphere of silence and invisibility. It is possible that we have someone very close who is experiencing it right now and we are not aware of it. A friend, a sister, a co-worker… Abuse and mistreatment do not always leave a physical mark.

Gender violence is an unquestionable structural fact in our society.. Institutions such as the World Health Organization offer us data through periodic studies on this drama. It is estimated that 70% of women have experienced physical or sexual violence from a romantic partner at some point.

Last year, the number of women who died due to this reality was 87,000 of which 58% (about 50,000) were murdered by their partners. This problem is of a magnitude that we should all be fully aware of and also sensitive to.

It is a priority that the environment, family, friends and even neighbors act as that first circle of help and also of detection. Because Gender violence has many forms, many dynamics and all of them present the same result: pain, the humiliation and violation of a person. Let’s keep it in mind.

How to help an abused woman: keys and strategies

There are those who still think that abuse takes the form of a bruise on the face. However, there are thousands of people who walk around the world with their skin intact and their dignity in pieces. Because terror also hurts, as do insults, undervaluation, obsessive jealousy and that need for control in which one ends up not being able to breathe, losing self-esteem, calm, identity…

To help an abused woman you do not have to wait for her to ask for it. In most cases, the victim himself does not dare to share with those around him what is happening to him. And they don’t do it out of shame and, above all, out of fear.

Many feel unable to tell their family or friends what they are experiencing. because they think they won’t be believed. After all, the aggressor takes on his true face behind closed doors. Socially, and to the rest of the world, he is, on average, the perfect man.

Likewise, we cannot ignore a fact: many women establish relationships of great dependence. They are not always able to see what is happening.

Love is sometimes blind enough to not tend to the wound of constant abuse. Therefore, to help an abused woman we must first know the indicators, and later, act appropriately. Let’s see it.

How do you know if a woman is suffering gender violence?

We pointed it out a moment ago. The marks of abuse are not always visible. It is because of that Not only should we be attentive to those bruises, the marks on the wrists, the red marks, the chapped lips… It is essential that we address emotional and behavioral changes. They are the following:

Changes in self-esteem.Emotional ups and downs.Loss of interest in those things that you were previously passionate about. Problems concentrating in conversations.withdrawn behavior, especially when the aggressor is in front of you. Cancel appointments at the last minute.Tendency to isolate oneself from friends and family.Avoid talking about personal matters, about your partner, about things at home.

Validate the victim’s feelings and emotions: believe in them

To help an abused woman there is a first step that we should never skip. Beyond what we may think, the first strategy is not to file a complaint.

You have to go little by little and the previous step is always to support the emotionally abused woman.. Letting her see that we believe her, that we understand how she feels and that we are with her is a priority.

It is important that we send them phrases like ““I believe you, I am with you.” “This is not your fault, you have no reason to feel ashamed”, “You don’t deserve this” or “You are not alone in this, let’s fix it”.In addition, We must take care of another aspect: the validation of their emotions. The woman who suffers abuse experiences anger as well as guilt. She is also ashamed at the same time as anguish and also another no less desperate combination: love and fear. All these emotions are valid and understandable and we must convey it that way.

Helping an abused woman: we must know how to act in each circumstance

There is something that is important to keep in mind: women who suffer abuse do not always report. There is fear, there is reluctance and even refusal. In these cases we must be cautious and alert at all times. The ideal is to offer help and also resources.

These are some steps.

Maintain constant communication with her.We will always let you know that we are concerned about your safety and well-being. Therefore, we will indicate the need to go to social services or local agencies to help with gender violence to make your situation clear. You have to create a support network that is aware of your situation: family, friends, neighbors… Take care that the aggressor does not manage to leave her isolated at any time. If at any time we cannot contact her, we must report it to the police. We will avoid playing her. We must always be that close resource that you can turn to when you need it.We will create a security plan with it. If you have not yet taken the step to leave your partner or file a complaint, the ideal is to create a quick escape strategy when you need it, a key word among us that helps us detect that you need immediate help…Helping an abused woman involves accept that you will not always take the step, that Leaving your partner is not the first option for many of them.. In this case, we must encourage her to do things outside the family environment. In this way, we broaden her perspectives so that she becomes aware of her reality.In case you finally take the step and leave that relationship, support must be constant in that new stage. Likewise, we cannot ignore evidence: when the abused woman leaves her partner, the risk of retaliation and harassment from the other person increases the most.

Specialized support services must take this into account.

To conclude, gender violence not only requires adequate social policies capable of assisting, responding to the victims and eradicating this harmful scourge. We also need a profound change of consciousness that allows us to live in equality and respect.. In the latter, education is key.

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