Do we like bad boys?

Choosing the person with whom to share our life is one of the most important. Why, then, would we choose those who harm us? Coming up next, we tell you.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

There is a widespread belief that women are more attracted to “bad boys”, those who often end up impregnating the relationship with suffering.. This seemingly contradictory choice has solid bases that justify its existence. However, it does not occur in all women or in all life stages.

It is those who are younger and with more emotional wounds who tend to feel a preference for this type of men. What is behind such an unfortunate decision? In this article we tell you the keys so that you can become aware and act.

Who are the bad guys?

“Bad boys” is the expression that we colloquially use to designate a specific type of men, with common characteristics. They tend to be people with egomaniacal, selfish and narcissistic traits. The admiration they feel for themselves is overflowing, often to the detriment of respect for others.. They are individuals incapable of empathy who only care about their own needs.

They tend to be dominant, authoritarian and despotic. There are few occasions in which they will recognize their mistakes and apologize and, generally, they will do so seeking some secondary benefit. The lack of consideration for their partner’s feelings is usually a constant, for the “bad boys” only their own well-being matters.

Seen from an objective perspective, no woman would want a person with these qualities by her side.. What happens then? Why are so many girls involved in harmful relationships with these types of men?

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Why are women attracted to bad boys?

Instinct

Several investigations have confirmed that biology plays a relevant role in choosing a partner. Various studies found that, Indeed, women are more attracted to extroverted, unstable men with narcissistic tendencies.

The key seems to lie in a primary instinct: the need for protection. In their unconscious search to find security, women are attracted to confident men with character and leadership skills. Those who seem to know how to defend themselves well in the face of life.

However, relationships involving this type of individuals tend to be unstable and passionate. In other words, the “bad guys” seem to be successful only in the short term. When it comes to establishing lasting bonds, women without psychological problems end up choosing very different partners.

Salvador complex

Many women find themselves involved in relationships that cause them pain because they carry a savior complex. They choose (without being aware) men with terrible emotional management, men who flee from commitment, who are inconsiderate and even aggressive.. In short, men who need correction.

They convince themselves that with your love and support they will change and straighten their path. They then undertake an escalation of sacrifices in which the woman forgets about herself to satisfy the needs and demands of her partner. Despite the suffering, they maintain faith and hope that, one day, all her efforts will be useful for something.

In reality, this attachment style hides an inability to face their own emotional wounds. They prefer to invest their energy in solving the lives of others than in healing their own interior. The excessive help that I provide to others is the same that I desperately need from myself.

Low self-esteem

Damaged self-esteem can also be the cause of this inconvenient partner choice. Our relationships are a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. Therefore, If I don’t love myself, I don’t respect myself and I don’t consider myself worthy of love, this will be reflected in my partner. I will choose a man who, likewise, does not respect me, does not take me into account and does not appreciate my value.

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Fortunately As they advance in age, women tend to choose this type of men less and less frequently. Many of them, after suffering from them in past relationships, find the courage to get psychological help and break the cycle. Others simply mature and clarify their priorities, understanding what kind of person they want by their side.

In any case, it is necessary to be aware of the choices we make and what moves us to them. If you always choose “bad boys” who end up harming you, check your own insides. This choice is showing you something important in yourself that needs healing.