How to free ourselves emotionally from our parents

If the change in the social paradigm of recent decades has brought us anything, it is the difference between generations in terms of thinking, way of life and, above all, emotionality. Wars between parents and children are the order of the day and are not always resolved with independence, which is why many people wonder how to emotionally free themselves from their parents.

Although it is true that no family is perfect, It is observed that the relationships between its members tend to present problems that are not fully resolved. One of them is the emotional dependence between parents and children, an issue that can last a lifetime if a conscious solution is not found. Let’s think about this question.

Adults tied to their parents

There is a settled and unconscious belief that humans, like other animals, mature and separate from our parents naturally, both physically and emotionally. However, unlike the bird that pushes its chick out of the nest or the primate that refuses to continue carrying its child on its back, we continue to maintain the bond.

To all this we must add the conflicts that have not been resolved during the parenting season.. These deficits, these resentments, produce suffering and with this the chains remain tightly tied. How to get out of the loop?

Emotional dependence between parents and children

This toxicity in relationships usually has an underlying emotional dependence that is not resolved, which maintains the cycle of conflicts that does not end. Basically there are several reasons:

Parents project their own desires onto the figure of their children: everything that they did not do or achieve, they want to live through them.Parenting that does not favor autonomy and overprotection: not preparing the offspring to function in the world means that they continue to need care and that the parents cannot stop caring for them.Children who do not want to leave the safety of home: launching into independence has a scary part that not everyone wants to experience.Caring children: in unstructured families, where the little ones are the ones who take care of the big ones, feelings of guilt abound when it comes to distancing oneself from the parents.

As you can imagine, freeing ourselves emotionally from our parents when codependent dynamics exist is an arduous task. Although many people are aware of this problem, there is usually a certain fear of dealing with it openly.

What can we do to free ourselves emotionally from our parents?

You may find yourself at this point that has been mentioned. You have detected codependency, you know that it hurts both of you and you want to end suffering. However, where to start? Here are some useful recommendations.

1. Forgive

Yes, the typical one-word advice that requires years to carry out. However, Everything you blame your parents for is still a rope that ties you to them and makes you suffer, so don’t delay in working to let it go.

Now, don’t confuse forgiving with justifying. No one should ask you to condone any mistreatment you may have suffered at the hands of your parents. However, the act of condemning it is not contradictory to the process of emotional liberation necessary to free ourselves from its influence.

2. Don’t try to change your parents

The desire to change fundamental aspects of your personality is born from intolerance and the unconscious idea that you are going to have to live with these complications for the rest of your life. The truth is that this is not like that: if your parents don’t want to change, you can’t force them. It is better that you accept it and make the relevant decisions.

3. You are not responsible

When you and your parents are adults at the same time, each of you is responsible for your own happiness. They have no obligation to make you happy or vice versa. From this dynamic, victimhood, resentment and suffering are born..

4. Understand their circumstances beyond their role as parents

Another way to free ourselves emotionally from our parents is to stop seeing them as nurturers. Stop to analyze the human being What lies behind, with its virtues and its defects, and observe how these affect their role as parents. This will help you better understand the reasons for their actions and find solutions.

5. Be grateful for what they have done for you

In conventional families, structured despite mistakes, Parents’ efforts to raise someone valid and happy are born from a genuine desire. Part of abandoning the resentment that ties you to them is also seeing the other side of the coin, as that provides emotional balance.

One last recommendation

Sometimes, introspection and reflection are not enough to overcome an emotional dependence that has been brewing (pun intended) for a lifetime.

In these cases, it is best to go to a psychology professional, especially if you come from a broken family or suffer abuse. It is never too late to regain your emotional independence.

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