How to deal with rude people in everyday life (and how not to be that person)

Good education, unfortunately, is not present in every day of our life. We see around all the time people who cut in line, talk loudly anywhere, try to solve everything by shouting, disrespect their elders, don’t leave their cell phones or don’t teach their children basic notions of good manners.

How to deal with some annoying situations that happen in everyday life? Or how not to be the lazy person who doesn’t pay attention to the space of others and seems to have come into the world alone, with no notion of collectivity? Sometimes we act without realizing it and a good conversation or a gentle warning can make all the difference to a more harmonious social life.

O awesome.club points out some common flaws and shows ways to take care of the matter. At the bonuswe talked to you about the importance of giving thanks — always!

This is a classic situation: at the bank, at the supermarket, at the airport check-in or at the lottery, every now and then someone appears “unknowingly” and stands in front of the people who have been waiting there for a long time. The rule should be clear to everyone: “this is a line, don’t cut it”. But there are people who seem to have come into the world alone.

And there’s still that human being who arrives at the cashier, right when it’s his turn to be served, and says: “I just need some information”. It’s the password to unload all the paperwork, solve your problem and get ahead of everyone. According to psychologist Fábio Iglesias, from the University of Brasília, who studied the behavior of the queue-jumpers, “little information” is the most common tactic, followed by another modality: pretending to be distracted while looking at the cell phone.

How to act: “Jumping in line is a demonstration of lack of respect for those who arrived first. It’s that thing of wanting to take advantage of everything. That depends on the conscience of each one”, says Fábio Iglesias, who also observed the behavior of those who wait and says that Brazilians, in general, are complacent with ferrets.

However, it is worth warning the smart ones: “My lord, I don’t know if you noticed, but this is a line”. The writer Danuza Leão, a master in etiquette, is more radical, and gives her opinion on the check-in ferrets: “Provoke a revolt in the entire line. Your indignation is justified and you will count on the solidarity of the entire airport”.

Here we can add a series of behaviors, in addition to arriving with 49 items in the supermarket’s priority service queue, and one is not someone who can benefit from the law of priorities. Parking in handicapped spaces is one of the most common.

How to act: if you see a similar lack of respect, politely address the offender: “I believe that this pregnant girl has to be attended to in front of her”. Or: “Imagine if someone who really needs this vacancy arrives now”. It doesn’t hurt to remember that giving space to people who need priority care is a federal law and that disrespecting it is a violation.

Another common scene: you wait your turn at the dentist and a girl, in a very loud voice, excitedly tells her friend about the fight she had with her boss, the problem with the clerk, the revelry plans for Carnival, the gift she wants to buy for her boyfriend and various other uninteresting details of her personal life. Except for herself.

How to act: Unfortunately, there’s not much to do, other than trying to throw a few disapproving looks at the jackdaw—maybe it’ll touch itself. Headphones and a good playlist can be a lifesaver on your next trip to the dentist. If you’re the one who has really good gossip to share, wait until you’re in a private place where you can talk and laugh at ease. Or use a messaging app. With the muted noise of notifications.

The cell phone is an inexhaustible source of rude situations. Therefore, it is more practical to make a list of behaviors that deserve (and should) be avoided:

Don’t walk around typing on the street, at school, at the market, at the gym or anywhere else. Avoid bumps and accidents. If you need to answer, make an urgent call, or send an audio in a public place, be brief and speak in a low voice. Avoid intimate matters. Speakerphone in public places, never. Voice messages? Use headphones to check them. If you don’t have them at hand, keep your cell phone in your ear at the lowest volume possible. Do not turn on your cell phone in cinemas, plays, lectures. Gently grab the attention of the performer: “Sorry to bother you, but didn’t you hear the announcement to turn off your cell phone before the show?” In rock, funk, samba or sertanejo shows, selfies are allowed. Did you receive songs, audios, videos? Leave them open when no one can be disturbed. Here we go back to the queue: who has never been waiting behind someone who doesn’t leave WhatsApp instead of solving their purchase at the supermarket right away and making the line move? Don’t be that person.

If you are in the company of someone, put your cell phone aside and enjoy the moment. There’s nothing more annoying than trying to talk to someone who doesn’t leave the chat or keeps checking what happens on the networks. Most subjects can wait a while. If you have something urgent to solve, let the person next to you know that the conversation may be interrupted and try to be as brief as possible. You know the annoying thing that opens WhatsApp to show all the memes, gifs and fun stickers you’ve received (and that you’re already bald to receive and see)? Don’t be that someone either. If the person on the other end of WhatsApp keeps texting you while you need to focus on something else, politely say that you are finishing a task and that you will be available in a certain amount of time. If you want to post a group photo, ask if everyone photographed agrees. There may be someone who has bad hair on the day or just doesn’t like to appear on the networks. Or doesn’t want to appear on your network — who knows. Do you like to photograph food to rock on Instagram? Make beautiful pictures of your dish. There’s nothing more irritating than asking someone not to take the first bite until you find the perfect light, angle and focus to post… other people’s food!

There are those who like to make their opinion prevail or tell their story (which they always consider the most interesting on the planet) out loud or even shouting. This type of person is generally not interested in hearing other people’s opinions and learning from others’ concepts and experiences. She’s right and it’s over.

How to deal: American etiquette expert Debby Maine teaches how to show sympathy and empathy with those who are rude. “If someone yells at someone else or at you in public, you can mention that you’ve had bad days too, that you fully understand how that person feels. If you are someone who is essentially rude, you may not calm down. But if that’s a momentary lapse in politeness, that person will probably apologize,” says Debby.

In extreme cases, Debby advises avoiding people who are constantly rude. If it is part of your professional environment, for example, and it is impossible to escape from this person, the correct attitude is to talk very calmly about your attitudes. Sometimes she is rude without realizing it, she may be going through a stress phase. If the conversation doesn’t work, restrict socializing to strictly professional.

Remember: Bullying and harassment are matters for the human resources department. Physical assault, police matter.

Between people who are not intimate, avoid discussions about politics, religion and football.

Children are charming beings… up to a point. Who has never had their dinner disturbed by the noise of boys and girls running between tables, scattering food on the floor or throwing tantrums in a restaurant?

The attitude of some airlines to indicate to passengers the seats that will be occupied by children has already caused controversy among travelers. There were those who approved the idea, hoping for a smooth flight, away from crying or mess. Others considered the measure discriminatory.

How to act: There’s not much you can do when the noisy child isn’t your child. But there are some possible attitudes on the part of parents. If the little one is old enough to understand certain rules of coexistence, you can talk to him before leaving, explaining how he should behave and that certain games can disturb other people. All of this is part of how to educate puppies well so that they don’t, for example, become ferrets as adults, right?

In case of noisy tantrums, take the child out of the room, try to calm him down with a story, some subject that improves his mood. Come back when she’s calm.

Another care is to avoid more formal places, such as classic restaurants, where people want to have dinner and talk in peace. The presence of children in certain environments is annoying for them, who get impatient easily, especially at night, when all they prefer is to drink a milk, watch a drawing and fall asleep.

Look for familiar places where there is room for them. There are restaurants with a playground and teams trained to entertain the little ones. And even places designed exclusively for children. On flights, bus trips and other confining situations, when you have nowhere to run, pray that everything goes well.

And remember another maxim of Danuza Leão: “If you can’t control your child, some stranger might try”.

Life is hectic and sometimes we forget small gestures that make all the difference and improve the coexistence between human beings. Want to see how simple it is?

Went to a party and everything was great—the food, the people, the music? Call the invitee the next day and praise, praise, praise. Nothing is more frustrating for the host than not receiving a cuddle afterwards. This is another tip from Danuza Leão. Did she get an invitation and couldn’t go? It’s always polite to send a message or make a brief phone call explaining the reason for her absence. Remember the friend or friend you adore and haven’t seen in a while, because busy life has pushed them away. Send a message to see how he or she is doing, call for coffee, offer a little dinner to catch up.

It’s okay that modern life is a tangle of messages and posts on the networks and we don’t always realize so much information. Try to answer everyone, without being enslaved by this obligation, but with lightness. (OK, with the generators…