How to Deal with a Child Who Defies Parents

Think of that child who never obeys his parents and shrugs off what the teacher says. Or the one who defies adults and even bosses them around, getting everything he wants because of his aggressive pitis. This profile sometimes only indicates that the “little king” is being created without any limits, but it can also be related to a psychological problem, oppositional defiant disorder. Read the text below, find out if your child’s rebellion is going too far and learn to deal with it.

Is it marra or illness?

Exaggeratedly disobedient and aggressive children are more common than you might think. “Studies indicate that one in every ten children of school age has oppositional defiant disorder”, says doctor Gustavo Teixeira, specialist in child and adolescent psychiatry. Gustavo is the author of the book O Reizinho da Casa (Editora BestSeller), which addresses the problem. It is true that stubbornness and disobedience are normal characteristics in childhood, present in most children. But, according to the doctor, there is a way to see if the situation is getting out of normalcy. Be aware if the child is having difficulties socializing with friends and family or if he is doing poorly in school. These are factors that indicate something more serious.

Seek expert help

According to psychiatrist Gustavo Teixeira, children suffer when they are too aggressive. In addition, the disorder may be associated with other problems, such as depression. That’s why it’s good to see a doctor and get an evaluation. Without treatment, oppositional defiant disorder increases the chances of future alcohol and drug use. But everything can be avoided with proper follow-up. There is usually an indication of psychotherapy, which may be associated with medication. Treatment should also include guidance to the family and school. Parents and teachers need to learn to deal with the child.

How to encourage good behavior

Dealing with a child who defies parents all the time requires a lot of flexibility and a cool head. Below are some tips that can help you on a daily basis:

1. Reward good attitudes

Encourage your child to be on good behavior. Whenever he is nice and understanding, pay him a compliment and show his satisfaction with a hug, a kiss or even a smile. Reinforcing positive attitudes, even the simplest ones, is correct.

2. Establish clear rules

Talk to your child and teach him that he has rights and duties. To make this clear, write down on paper, with the help of the little one, the tasks he needs to do throughout the day, such as making the bed, putting away the clothes… Also write down the times reserved for playing, watching TV and using the computer. Put the list on a visible wall. When your child fails to do something agreed, remind him that you have an agreement and it must be fulfilled.

3. If necessary, apply a punishment

If praising is important when the child acts right, giving a good scolding in the face of wrong behavior is also important. But no hitting or threatening. This type of punishment only teaches children that being violent is okay. Remember that he will repeat this away from home, being even more aggressive with others. Prefer to reproach what he did by calling
objective attention.

4. Forget the Sermons

Too long talk takes the focus off the subject. If the child is really up to no good, give a punishment, such as reducing the hours of computer use. But punishing is not torturing! With common sense, apply a penalty that is related to the mistake made. For example: if the child refuses to brush his teeth, leave him without candies and sweets for a week.