How to deal with a bossy child

Your son is 6 years old and very bossy, at home and with friends. Does this make you unsympathetic and sometimes irritating? Know that part of this behavior has to do with age. From 2 to 7 years old, little ones think they are the center of attention and want to have all their wishes met. To this end, some cry, others throw tantrums. There are those who flatter, those who try to seduce and those who act as if their wills were law.

Such attitudes are often learned at home. Authoritarian children usually have strict parents, who impose their views without dialogue or explanations. “Children imitate the model, identifying authoritarianism as a way of getting what they want and eliminating opposition”, says Maria Teresa Messeder Andion, a professor at the Associação Brasileira de Psicopedagogia, in São Paulo.

The opposite situation produces a similar effect: families with difficulty in imposing limits end up reinforcing the authoritarianism of the little ones. “The bossy child tests and confronts the parents from an early age. They are usually quite intelligent, but they need to learn that they know more”, says psychologist Ana Cristina Marzolla, professor at the Pontifical Catholic University of São Paulo.

Letting the child dominate situations will not make him happier. On the contrary: she will be a little insecure to see that those who should protect her are, in fact, carrying out her orders. This behavior sets in when parents, for some reason, assume an attitude of weakness or guilt towards their children, giving in to pressure, blackmail and bargaining. “It is the role of the family to educate the child for the world, which means establishing limits and rules for his well-being. Without this, he will have difficulty adapting socially in the future, which can make him an unhappy adult”, completes Ana.

The challenge is to balance the scales, teaching the child that certain situations are negotiable, but his wishes will not always prevail. He starts by establishing really important rules and focuses on enforcing them. For example: it’s okay to choose the flavor of ice cream, but not to decide whether to have it before the meal. Explain in a clear, objective and firm way what he can (or cannot) deliberate at his young age.

Remember: the ability to lead is a gift and it is improved by interacting with others. Authoritarianism easily turns into abuse of power. Learning to look at the needs of others and to negotiate are important skills for success in adult life.