How to avoid disappointment in love

Put the person we fell in love with on a pedestal It can lead us to generate certain romantic expectations that are sometimes not met. To avoid this disappointment, it is essential to live in the present and not be in a hurry, take time to get to know him (and also for the other person to get to know us). Slowly we can get to know each other more thoroughly and assess whether or not there are conditions to love each other well and to enjoy love.

Why didn’t it work if we were in love?

Human relationships are like this: We got together to try to see if it works. Sometimes it doesn’t work, sometimes it only works for four months, sometimes it even works for years. Relationships are alive and changing: They are under permanent construction. That is why they end: because sometimes we realize that each one of us is at a different point in the process, because living together erodes love, because romanticism and falling in love are diminishing and love does not arise… Why?

Love is not enough to build a relationship. There also has to be tons of generosity, empathy, camaraderie, sincerity, courage, listening and communication skills. There must be conditions so that you can love each other

It is necessary that the level of desire is the same, that your boyfriend or girlfriend are good people, that there feeling and sexual chemistry.

For things to work the couple model that each one has should be similar to the other, or similar, that you are in a similar moment and your desires and desires are compatible, that you can see each other live and without screens, that there are no walls that prevent you from living your love…

Everything else must also be taken into account: if there are economic conditions that do not generate dependency, if the social environment accepts the relationship, if you can live your love in freedom, if the other person is capable of managing their emotions in conflicts or in moments of tension, if the relationship is based on respect and good treatment…

The problem is to idealize or mythologize a person

We always build expectations about the future. But the truth is that, Before declaring someone the love of your life, it is very important to know yourself well and thoroughly. It is also convenient to analyze from time to time if the relationship is going or not going, if we are fine or not, if we want to continue or not. You have to be prepared in case the moment comes when you realize that you are not really going to be happy in the relationship, or you are not going to be able to make the other person happy, to be honest with yourself and with your partner.

If we like a person and we connect well with them, we are going to enjoy it much more if we do not fit it into our ideal model, created according to our needs, if we do not mythologize it and if we do not idealize the relationship. Because the more we delude ourselves with the romantic idea that we have found the love of our life, the more reality leads us to disappointment.

And living in that constant cycle of illusion/disappointment does us no good: The higher we dream, the faster we fall, and it hurts. It hurts to believe that we are in front of our soul mate or better half and then see that the other person has lost the desire to be with you ten meters underground.

It also hurts a lot to idealize someone and then discover that they are not how we wanted them to be.

Expectations can be worked on by becoming aware of the present: “What is here and now is a desire to love each other, but we are going to try to see if we are compatible, if there are conditions, if we can enjoy this love story or not.” These practical thoughts can help us a lot to stop the imagination and contain the desire to find the ideal partner or companion.

Because what it is about is trying to see if we can love each other well and for how long. And of enjoy what is there, not dream of what is to come. The present is our only patrimony, and it is the only place where love can be lived fully: in the moment we are living.