The secret of lasting and healthy couples

Before there was the idea that once married, people had to be together and live together forever. Thus, the couples lasted longer, but we do not know if they were healthier in all cases. Today It is more common than before that our expectations of happiness are based exclusively on a good relationship. But is it really possible for a couple to last over time in a healthy way? Not always, although with a large dose of will on both sides, it can be achieved.

1. Finding the balance between ‘me’ and ‘you’

In the same way that it is convenient for each member of the couple to assume their individual responsibility and not feel like anyone’s better half, it is also convenient for power struggles to be put aside and learn to master our ego by being aware of when it is taking the reins in an argument as a couple and prevents us from listening to the other, putting ourselves in their place and seeing what the other sees. Developing empathy will allow us to connect with the other’s feelings without losing sight of ours.

2. Have a common project

Before, couples used to maintain a common project such as building a home, a family and raising children. At present, projects can be more varied, although children continue to have a lot of weight. Maintaining a common project helps to dilute power struggles and allows the couple to form a team and unite forces for a greater common good. Also for that this common project is possible and motivates both equally, It is convenient that the members of the couple are not of a very different nature.

3. Trust the other authentically

Sincerity is another of the important foundations of a lasting relationship. Otherwise, distrust will end up separating us from each other no matter how much we want it: it will be more difficult for us to show ourselves as we are, fears will be triggered, and the conflicts that end up appearing in a relationship that lasts over time will be more difficult to overcome.

4. Accept that a couple lives different stages

A couple that lasts over time necessarily goes through very different stages. In some, the other generates us a lot of happiness and passion; in others, not so much (being almost indifferent) or even a certain tiredness awakens us… And it is convenient to accept it because passion can be regenerated again when the foundations of a relationship are solid and many of these states also have to do with what happens to ourselves and not only with what the other does.

5. Cultivate friendship

It is important that between the members of the couple there is a frank friendship in which everything about the other arouses genuine interest in us, as well as their path as a person. It is about looking for spaces to talk and talk about everything that worries us, whether it is the most everyday or the less and more transcendental. For it You have to be willing to listen and also to open up to the other showing him our naked soul.

6. Encourage tenderness

The tenderness of a look, a caress, a gesture can build many bridges in this mysterious distance that separates two beings no matter how much they talk and love each other.Tenderness can avoid misunderstandings and moments of darkness of the couple when they are going through complicated situations (an argument, an illness, a decrease in sexual desire…). Tenderness makes love visible despite everything, as well as our desire to maintain the invisible ties that unite us with each other.

7. Take care of sexuality

One might wonder if a couple really exists when there is no sexuality. It is true that love, tenderness and companionship are fundamental ingredients, but It is convenient that sexual relations are taken care of and stimulated as much as possible beyond the obligations and the care of the children.

8. Learn to communicate in a healthy way

Expressing what we feel with respect and from what “I feel” instead of “you do what”, “it is your fault that…” will help to find a more constructive solution to a couple conflict, will facilitate listening and understanding of the other . Is about find a good way out for both, more than being right and being left alone with reason. Communicating also implies asking the other for what we need, since no one can guess what we feel, want or think if we don’t say it. Healthy communication requires the courage to show the other both love and anger, joy and sadness, strength and weakness. This communication will also facilitate good sexuality.