How to act correctly when faced with narcissism in a partner

When narcissism arises in a couple, anxiety becomes evident and fear appears.. Because beyond what we may think, narcissistic men and women also fall in love. Now, their mechanism for loving generates “a rope” that ties a knot around us: every day it tightens more and every moment we lose more rights and wills, and we can even lose our own voice.

There is no shortage of those who claim to be a true ‘magnet for narcissists’. Why happens? Is there any explanation why we don’t see this type of profile coming so we can protect ourselves from it? There are theories that indicate that, on average, it is the most sensitive and empathetic people who are captivated by this type of personality.

There is perhaps a kind of feedback, that in which one nourishes the needs of the other. However, it must be said that there is no conclusive data on this, because in reality, All of us, regardless of our personality, age or status, can be attracted to this profile. The reason for this is that narcissists tend to be very magnetic at the beginning.

Thus, it is common for them to present traits such as exquisite kindness, liveliness, a great sense of humor, wit, personal security and that sparkling extroversion that never goes unnoticed. However, Under that dazzling patina is undoubtedly the real leather. That basically characterized by the impossibility of creating an emotionally positive bond with someone.

Narcissism in a couple: keys to action

The way in which narcissism appears in a couple responds to different realities. So, It is common that two very specific facts can occur: the first, that narcissism comes from both members.

The second, that it is one of the two who is clearly and evidently exercising behavior that is as harmful as it is destructive to the relationship itself. They are, without a doubt, two situations that we must analyze.

Narcissism in a couple: when we both act selfishly

It is important to differentiate narcissistic behavior from narcissistic personality disorder. In this last case we would be talking about a clinical condition included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V).

Therefore, It may be the case that two people with this type of personality cohabit in a relationship. or, with this disorder. It is unusual, but it can happen. Likewise, another reality that sometimes occurs in the life cycle of a relationship is the following:

We put aside the needs of the couple to prioritize our own.Not only does that emotional neglect appear. In addition, behaviors arise, such as the need for control and those ups and downs in which at times we want the partner close and at the same time we need distance.

What explanation does this type of relationship present? What happens when narcissism in a couple comes from both members? What happens is that this link is placed in an abyss in which, sooner or later, it will rush to an end. There are couples who have stopped loving each other and yet are not able to take the step to a healthy resolution.

Laziness appears and at the same time the burden of dependence is still present, not wanting to let go of what one day “was ours.”

My partner is a narcissist, what can I do?

Narcissism in a couple commonly manifests itself in one of the members. Thus, it is after time when the other person is aware of the authentic personality of the loved one. It is that moment when the previous fascination falls to open our eyes to the anatomy of the narcissist.

This is, actually, a person with airs of greatness, who considers himself unique, special and worthy of praise and admiration. She is someone who lacks empathy, capable of using others to achieve her goals and who frequently belittles her partner’s emotions. She has an excessive ego and, for this reason, she does not tolerate criticism and very often presents defensive reactions.

Maintain an emotional bond with a narcissistic partner It is extremely exhausting and painful.. These relationships tend to be unstable and conflictive. Therefore, if you find yourself in this situation, we offer you some keys about it.

Keys to reflect and make decisions

Livesley, Jang, Jackson and Vernon (1993) point out in a study that in 64% of cases the narcissistic personality has a genetic origin. Therefore, Changes do not come so easily.

Likewise, this profile usually falls within a spectrum, there will be those who show more abusive behavior and those who only present a few characteristics.

These are some keys that we must reflect on.

Never doubt yourself. When narcissism in a couple becomes evident, there are only two options: react or get used to living in emotional abandonment. If we do the latter, we will end up doubting ourselves, our self-esteem and even our own identity. Therefore, be confident enough to set limits and not fall into manipulation.Breakups and reconciliations, are they really worth it? Having a narcissistic partner means living on a treadmill of distancing and reconciliation. It is possible that at some point you had the strength to leave that relationship. However, the narcissist is skilled at being affectionate and “getting” us back. Consider what this means for your dignity.They need you to validate their self-esteem, but where is yours? Narcissists lack a central self. Thus, to stabilize and strengthen their self-image they need someone to do it for them. They feed off the other person to reaffirm themselves. Reflect on whether this is really worth it. Visualize for a moment how you see yourself in 5 or 10 years.

Conclusions

Definitely, We could point out that the best option is to proceed to a breakup. However, that decision is personal and would mean admitting that no one can change or position themselves on certain inclinations of their personality, ending their effects.

Thus, it must be assessed from each specific case: the danger of generalizing at this point is very great. Not all situations are the same and not all narcissistic people or people with a narcissistic personality disorder are similar..

However, although there are psychological approaches, such as talk therapy, to try to generate changes in this type of patient, it is a complex process. Thereto We must add the resistance of these people to going to therapy.

For the same reason, it can be more effective and positive than You yourself go to a professional to identify those points that led you to associate with a narcissistic person. The wounds and emotional shortcomings that make you choose these types of partners.

In any case, narcissism in a couple is something that will demand a lot from us, first of all to defend ourselves and make decisions. Let’s do it by prioritizing our own well-being and integrity.

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