3 types of emotional dependence

Sometimes our fragility makes us depend excessively on third parties. Although the human being is a social animal, and we are gregarious and other-oriented beings, when this tendency is taken to the extreme, it can be very harmful.

Emotional dependence is a complex condition. Generally it is not due to a single factor, but different factors are necessary for it to appear and be maintained. Furthermore, in many cases it is not even a conscious reality. On the contrary, the emotionally dependent person thinks that the problems derived from dependence on her have a different and often external origin. Today we are going to address all this and discover 3 types of emotional dependence.

Behind dependency there is usually a fear extreme. There are also many fantasies about one’s own abilities or one’s place in the world. The dependent feels, without supporting evidence, that if he broke or lacked certain ties he would be in serious danger.

“The bread of others tastes bitter, says Dante, and the steps of a strange house are heavy, and who better than the poor pupil of an old aristocrat to know the bitterness of dependence?”

-Aleksandr Pushkin-

This type of dependency is similar to that experienced by an addict.. As such, it also carries a withdrawal syndrome. Episodes of anxiety and depression appear when, for some reason, the bond is momentarily broken or weakened. Existence itself can be experienced as unbearable without that bond. Whoever suffers from it, without a doubt, suffers a lot. We can talk about three basic types of emotional dependence and they are the following.

Types of emotional dependence

Next, we will see the different types of dependency that exist:

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1. Emotional dependence on the family

The first type of emotional dependence is one of the most difficult forms of dependence to overcome. It generally corresponds to family structures where the parents suffer from strong anxiety states and they pass it on to their children. The latter are educated with excessive fear of the world. The external is seen as a threat and the family as a refuge.

Those who suffer from this type of dependency overvalue the protection offered by the family. Although there are usually affectionate ties and great gestures of solidarity, it is also true that there are unhealthy traits. Among them, the repeated idea stands out that the farther away the risks are, the better.

In this type of family, self-confidence is not encouraged. On the contrary, deep down belief is promoted that the person will prove incapable of facing great challenges.

In this way, the family becomes a kind of bubble that protects, but also imprisons. Ultimately, this is a wrong way to deal with anxiety. It is also an equivocal response to the demand to grow and be autonomous.

2. Emotional dependence on the partner

This second type of emotional dependence is one of the most frequent. It is also one of the most harmful. Part of an erroneous belief. In her The couple is supposed to give meaning to one’s life or protect one from terrible loneliness.. That is why the couple becomes the axis of one’s life.

This is one of the types of emotional dependency most common and is typical of people who carry great insecurities. They are not clear about what they are capable of doing and what they are not. In fact, They assume that they are very helpless. Therefore, they need support to live and that support would be their partner.. This becomes a kind of protective shield against suffering or fear. That is why a strong attachment to her develops.

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Although this type of dependence can work for a time, the truth is that sooner rather than later it causes great suffering. The dependent person is so afraid of losing his partner that he can develop very harmful behaviors.. Among them it is worth highlighting excessive jealousy or unlimited submission. Thus, dependency deteriorates the relationship instead of making it stronger.

The third and last type of emotional dependence is the social environment. The most characteristic of this condition is the excessive need to be recognized and approved in any environment.. If the environment does not show signs of frank appreciation and acceptance, the individual panics. Furthermore, he will do whatever it takes to achieve that apparent psychological compensation. Feeling rejected, from his perspective, is equivalent to the worst thing that can happen to him.

To achieve approval, a person may become subservient or invisible.. In the first case, the dependent feels obliged to please others, even going over himself. He will be able to make any sacrifice as long as he does not have to face rejection or confrontation. In the second case, the person can renounce his convictions, as long as he does not come into tension with those around him. In both cases, the situation is completely harmful.

Whether in the case of family, partner or social environment dependency, what lies deep down is poor self-esteem.. Above all, there is no awareness about what one is capable of doing. It starts from the idea that one has little worth and is inferior or less competent to navigate life than others.

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Consequences

All these false beliefs translate into fear and anxiety. And as with all fear, like all unjustified fears that we all treasure, the best way to overcome it is to face it. Maybe you just need to take the first step. Dare to walk alone. Risk leaving your comfort zone. In the words of Riso, W. (2003), giving power to someone or something to dominate you and take over your mind is a subtle form of psychological suicide.