How to accompany someone who is experiencing grief?

Suffering a significant loss can be devastating, there’s no doubt about it.. Numerous psychological and emotional processes are set in motion in the mourner, who, for a time, will experience a stage of readjustment. However, despite how painful and disconcerting these moments are, we must know that they do not constitute any pathology, but rather a natural reaction. Therefore, psychotherapy is not necessary, but grief support can be beneficial.

This is not necessarily carried out by professionals, but the support network close to the person can play a fundamental role.. Accompanying is creating a safe space for emotions, respecting disorder and confusion and offering presence. It is not an easy task and, therefore, many times we do not know how to help a mourner. However, there are some keys that contribute in this regard.

Grief support or psychotherapeutic intervention?

As we said, Grief is a natural reaction of the body to loss. It is a process that occurs to help us work through the pain, integrate what happened into our history and move forward. The emotions involved may be unpleasant, but they are not pathological. This is why, under normal circumstances, grief can be experienced without requiring professional help.

However, In certain cases the so-called “pathological grief” appears». This occurs when the adaptation to the loss is altered and excessively intense or prolonged emotions arise or, on the contrary, repressed and masked. In this case, the tasks of mourning are blocked and the person is unable to move forward. This is where psychotherapy is necessary.

For its part, Non-pathological grief does not have to be experienced alone.. In fact, the presence, company and support of others are key to being able to transcend the loss and move forward. This accompaniment must have a series of characteristics and elements that make it appropriate.

During grief support, the person should not be forced to come out of the darkness; they are supported with empathy and respect.

What does grief support consist of?

When dealing with a grieving person it is difficult to know what to do or say.. Our fears surface, becoming an obstacle for us to act as support. In order to provide good support, the following elements must be present:

Respect for the grieving process

Most of us have not been taught to deal with emotions. And, therefore, seeing another person suffer is extremely uncomfortable and disturbing to us; So much so that we seek to do whatever it takes to make his pain disappear.

However, accompanying the duel is understand that we cannot eliminate other people’s pain, neither by giving solutions nor by trying to reason or intellectualize their situation.. The greatest support in this case does not consist in getting them out of that darkness but in accompanying them, with empathy and respect, while they go through it.

Interest and focus on the mourner

In line with the above, it is necessary that we know how to get out of our own reality to focus on that of the other. In accompaniment, what matters is what the mourner feels and requires, not what we consider to be best.

In this way, we must understand when someone wants to speak and when they need silence; when he looks for a hug and when he prefers a moment of solitude. Is about knowing how to read who we have in front of us to be able to give them what they requirealthough this is not what we are born to do on impulse.

Absence of judgment

If we commit to navigating grief with another person, we are agreeing to walk this path at their side, but not direct it. Each of us is different and faces loss with our own strategies. It is very human to evaluate and judge others, but this does not contribute anything positive. Each person is an expert on themselves and knows what works best for them; We are no one to impose how you should feel or actso criticism has to come out of our repertoire.

Space for emotional expression

Venting emotions is a fundamental task in grieving, but this requires a safe space. It’s not easy to open up to other people, to be vulnerable and devastated. Yes, who is in front of us? welcome our feelings with openness and empathyis more simple.

Accompaniment to grief also consists of offering that safe space in which the mourner can express himself without fear, externalize his anger, his sadness or his feeling of guilt. A space where you can tell your story and talk about your loved one as much as you need. It is especially positive if he is encouraged to remember how that person enriched his life and what legacies and lessons he provided him.

Concrete and specific support

When we accompany another person in their pain, we usually say vague phrases like “I’m here for whatever you need” or “count on me.” But, in those moments, it may be more beneficial to offer concrete and specific help. For example, supporting the organization of papers, procedures or documents or preparing food to ensure that the other person eats well.

Besides, It is positive that we take the initiative to call to offer a talk or propose some activities that distract the mourner.

Allowing yourself to feel the pain is essential, yes, but it is also necessary to find moments in which to temporarily forget about it. It is in that dance between moving towards and away from the pain that the situation can be processed and move forward. Therefore, without forcing, being insistent or invasive, we can offer small activities that help the person to activate.

Joining a group going through similar circumstances provides a simpler environment to express yourself.

Grief support can also be provided by a professional.

Once the needs of the grieving person have been identified, it is understood that the important thing is that these are covered; That is, it has social support. Sometimes, family members and friends carry out this work in a good way; nevertheless, they may not have the sensitivity, availability or tools to properly accompany.

In these cases, it may be appropriate to seek the support of a professional. Not strictly because the grief has become pathological, but because the person needs that safe space and that empathetic listening that perhaps they do not find in their environment. In such a scenario, the professional will not be so dedicated to setting guidelines, but rather Its role will be to accompany a natural process of the human being.

Likewise, for some mourners It can be positive to be part of support groups. In these environments the expression is simpler; As long as we know that others understand and share our pain, we can feel identified and supported.

In short, grief support is a process that can be carried out by different people and from different instances, as long as its principles are adopted. Respect, empathy, presence and sensitivity to the needs of the mourner could be the balm they need in this difficult time.

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