How to accept that someone doesn’t love you

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Managing another person’s rejection on an emotional level can be a complicated and painful process. However, by applying certain guidelines you can reduce the discomfort and move forward.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

Love is one of the most pleasant and satisfying emotions. However, when it is not reciprocated, this feeling can become a real torture. And it is that, When affection is not reciprocated, our self-esteem can be seriously damaged, and a host of fears and frustrations take over us. Accepting that someone doesn’t love you is not easy, but it is absolutely necessary. Therefore, we want to offer you some guidelines to overcome this moment.

The reality we are talking about today can occur in various contexts. Whether it’s because your crush doesn’t feel the same way about you or because your partner’s feelings have changed, in no case is it pleasant to experience rejection. However, this situation is quite common and if you manage to do adequate internal work you will be able to get ahead and continue with your life.

Expectations are the basis of suffering

Buddhism and other Eastern philosophical currents affirm that it is not the facts themselves that cause us suffering, but the resistance we offer to them. It is the longing, the expectation and the need to hold on that magnifies the pain and makes it last over time.. And this is what happens when someone we love doesn’t love us back.

It is not only their lack of love that harms us, but everything that derives from it. In this situation, our desires and expectations are truncated: the relationship we planned with that person will no longer take place and the future we imagined with our partner will not happen. For the same, our frustration tolerance is tested.

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Furthermore, it is common for us to begin to make inferences and interpretations, looking for culprits and rational explanations for what happened. However, this type of reasoning only leads us to anger, resentment, shame and lack of self-esteem. So how can you accept that someone doesn’t love you and move on?

Keys to accepting that someone doesn’t love you

If you are facing heartbreak or a breakup, you should know that The coping strategies you use from this moment on are key. It has been shown that these determine well-being or the prolongation of suffering. Therefore, we offer you some ideas that may be useful to you.

Don’t expect a change

Sometimes it is so difficult to accept that someone does not love you that you may cling to hope and the possibility that this will change. However, it is unlikely to happen.

When a person has openly stated through their actions and words that they do not share your feelings, it is probably true. So, Expecting something different will only prolong the agony.

Maintain dignity

When the desire to be with a person is very intense or there are problems of emotional dependency, we may feel the impulse and the need to do everything possible so that the other person remains by our side.

However, self-love and self-respect are red lines that should not be crossed. Begging, begging or insisting will not make the other person love you, but it will deeply weaken your self-esteem.

Accept that feelings cannot be controlled

Do you feel anger or rage towards the other person for not reciprocating you? This is natural to some extent, but it is not logical. Emotions do not respond to one’s own or another’s will: Neither you can make someone love you nor can that person force themselves to love you..

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Therefore, do not try to blame her or harbor resentment, as this is not a deliberate decision made to harm you.

Try not to blame yourself

On the other hand, do not point out that you are guilty of what happened. Rejection makes us doubt, start looking for our own flaws or try to figure out in which area we are not enough. or worthy of the love of the other.

However, there is nothing wrong with you. Tastes are personal and feelings can fade over time, you are not guilty of anything.

Allow yourself to feel bad

Although reasoning about the situation logically and accepting it are two fundamental steps, it is completely natural that you experience discomfort at what happened. Do not try to cover it or repress it as this will only increase your pain.

Allow yourself to feel the frustration and sadness, express how you feel and give yourself time to process these emotions.

Keep going

It is important that you remember that life goes on and that you have the right to continue with a peaceful heart. Sometimes, we can come to think that by prolonging our anger or holding a grudge against the other person we are returning part of the damage they have caused us.

However, with this type of attitude the only ones harmed are ourselves. Throw away your anger and focus your energy on taking care of yourself, on building your future. and to surround yourself with those who love you. Move forward free of emotional weights.

Read Also: The noble eightfold path to confront suffering according to Buddhism

To accept that someone doesn’t love you, love yourself twice as much

Finally, keep in mind that in these moments when you feel vulnerable, damaged and insufficient, you need yourself more than ever. Self-love is the balm that heals the wounds of rejection, humiliation and abandonment.

Therefore, stay by your side during this process, accompany yourself in a compassionate way, without judging yourself and practicing self-care. In time you will look back and see that everything has passed and that no one dies from heartbreak.