10 neurotic needs, according to Karen Horney

Karen Horney was a German doctor and psychiatrist who developed interesting theses around neurotic needs. Unlike other theorists of her time, Horney established that Anguish in human beings arises from the emotional tensions that occur between the child and indifferent or severe parents..

Karen Horney herself experienced several episodes during her childhood that deeply marked her. Although there is evidence to the contrary, Horney felt a deep lack of affection from her father, which led her to take refuge in the love of her mother.

She went through some very confusing times during her life and this led her to psychoanalysis. Once she concluded that process and after becoming a therapist herself, she developed her theory. In it she defines 10 patterns of neurotic needs, based on her clinical experience.

Roots of neurotic developments

According to Horney, there are several causes of neurotic developments (Vallejo Orellana, 2002):

Give and receive affection.Issues around the self-assessment and self-affirmation.Repression of aggression. This would cause a basic anxiety that would represent the core of all neurosis. It has three essential traits: helplessness, irrationality and the alert nature that something is not going well within our Self.Attempt to escape from anguish through rationalizations, denials, narcotizations (drugs, trips, work, shopping), escapes, inhibitions, social isolation, idealizations of oneself, etc. therapeutic objective was raise the subject’s self-esteem and self-controlavoiding in the analysis those interpretations that would hurt his ego.

The 10 neurotic needs

Karen Horney indicates that neurotic needs arise from needs that are initially completely healthy. However, the vicissitudes of life cause them to become exaggerated and distorted demands, which end up doing great harm to those who experience them. The 10 neurotic needs, according to Karen Horney, are the following:

Neurotic need for affection

It is one of the neurotic needs that manifests itself as the idealization of love, in all areas. The person experiences a deep need to receive affection and resents even the smallest signs of indifference.detachment or rejection.

That is why he does everything in his power to please others and thus win their affection. He may be capable of making sacrifices or unlikely actions, in order to get the loved figures to reciprocate his affection. that he or she lavishes on you.

Neurotic need for a partner

It is associated with neurotic needs for affection, but in this case it is directed exclusively at the partner. The person believes that love will save them, that it will allow them to have someone who gives meaning to their life. and that he will take charge of everything that is wrong. In this way the anguish he feels will be greatly reduced.

One more time, the neurotic idealizes love and gives it properties that go beyond reality. It is common for people to get the idea that their problem is not that disproportionate expectation of their love as a couple, but rather that they have not been able to find the ideal partner to reach fulfillment. And you can spend your entire life looking for it.

Neurotic need for restriction

Whoever experiences this neurotic need imposes the mandate to put great limits on his desires. He thinks that he should ask for little, settle for little and not aspire for much in life. It’s a kind of defense mechanism against frustration. His motto is: If you don’t want, you will never feel frustrated.

Neurotic need for power

It is expressed as a deep desire to control others, to compete and to be the one who always has the last word.. In this type of people there is a great rejection and incomprehension of the weakness of others, at the same time as a great exaltation of behaviors that show strength or ability.

There is a lack of respect for others. Withdrawals due to fear of failure and a tendency to give up desires are also observed. There is a great anxiety to dominate others.

Neurotic need to exploit others

It corresponds to what we commonly know as egocentric people. They think that others are there to be used by them. They are interested in others only as instruments of their own desires and needs.. They want to be heard, but they don’t listen. They want to be loved, but they don’t love. And a long etcetera.

There is also a deep fear of being exploited. He evaluates others only as tools for his own benefit, however, he ensures that others do not try to use or exploit him.

Neurotic need for recognition

This need leads a person to organize their entire life around “what others will say” or “what they say.” Worries irrationally about appearance, to the point where you can get into trouble to, for example, have designer clothes, or the best car. He is terrified of being different or “coming out of the herd,” because he does not tolerate criticism.

Self-evaluation depends on the opinion of others and social acceptance. The subject values ​​others depending solely and exclusively on their prestige.

Neurotic need for admiration

It is similar to the need for recognition, but in this case the emphasis is not on being approved by others, but also demands that others exalt him. They want to be the first to give the answer, the one who collaborates the most, the one who delivers the best. But they do not do it out of a healthy conviction, but rather hoping that those around them will build a small throne for them to reign.

Neurotic need for achievement

For those who are anxious and obsessed with achievement, competition is the natural state of life and error or failure never fits on the agenda. For them, the only thing that counts is being number one in everything. and they completely demerit those who do not give them first place. Their thing is to show off how magnificent they are.

Neurotic need for self-sufficiency

It is the need to take independence to the extremes. Here it is no longer about achieving the autonomy that we must all achieve, but rather about not needing others even when they really need them. They don’t want help, because they fear depending.

Neurotic need for perfection

It gives rise to the typical “perfecticos”, that is, those people who cannot tolerate a gram of dust on the carpet. When faced with their own or someone else’s mistake, they react as if the world were collapsing.. They do not have the ability to learn from mistakes, much less laugh at themselves when they fail.

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Images courtesy of Diego Fernández