How should I deal with each type of child’s cry?

When a baby cries, parents, nannies, grandparents and whoever else is around begins a mission to try to understand what is going on and how to stop it. The younger the baby, the harder it will be to identify the reason for the crying – and stop the little one’s tears.

Babies cry for a variety of reasons, and science has yet to explain them all. However, some specialists have developed studies in this direction and have already achieved some advances. According to behavioral neuroscientist Michael Potegal of the University of Minnesota Medical School, there are three basic reasons that can trigger a baby to cry: trying to get attention, getting an object or a type of action, or trying to escape an order coming from an adult. How to deal with each of these situations?

draw attention

Often, when the child starts crying for no reason, especially if he is not such a young baby, he may just want to get the attention of those around him, possibly his parents or people close to him. This type of behavior occurs mainly in babies who are not so young anymore and already have some sense of the space around them.

For Potegal, the best thing to do in a situation like this is to make sure there really isn’t anything wrong with the baby and then deliberately ignore it. He says parents shouldn’t give the child the attention they’re claiming, lest they understand this type of behavior as effective next time around.

Request an object or action

Another common situation is that the child cries to get you to give him an object – such as a toy – or permission to perform a specific activity – such as climbing on a table, driving his father’s car or changing the television channel, for example. example. Potegal states that the parents’ reaction should be the same, in this case, as the one used for the situation in which the baby cries to gain attention.

“Giving in to the child’s cry teaches him that the correct way to get his permission is to make a scene”, explains the expert. This is the famous “morning”, which leads many parents to that epic shame of seeing their children throwing themselves on the supermarket floor to win a chocolate, for example.

Escaping a direct order given by an adult

Unlike other crying behaviors, when the child cries not to obey an order received from an adult – such as to go take a bath, sleep or eat – it should not be ignored. For Potegal, this type of crying is a way of postponing the execution of the order received, albeit unconsciously.

When the child acts in this way, the parents must find a way to make him immediately obey the order given. Potegal suggests that the adult explain to the child, before the crying starts, that if there is morning, he will count to three, take the child’s hand and perform the task together with him. The neuroscientist explains that “children hate it, because it interferes with their autonomy”. However, everything must be done without using violence or even aggressiveness in the tone of voice. Also, very important, if the tantrum has already started, the explanation will not help.