How do you know when it’s time to give up on something (and live more peacefully)?

From an early age, an unspoken social rule directs us to insist on situations and people until “it works”. Is the job not good? Stay in it and be grateful to have one in the midst of this crisis! Hate the college you chose? Go all the way, maybe you’ll like the course. Is the relationship looking like stagnant water even after several DRs? Innovate, spice it up, give it one more chance.

It doesn’t matter if the person is going into depression, unmotivated, suffering: giving up is never an option. But why insist on something or someone that is not good for you? For psychologist Eliza Melchen, the answer begins with a fear that human beings tend to have of the unknown.

“We feel comfortable with what we know, with what we believe to dominate. The job is bad, but I know how to do everything that is asked of me; the boyfriend is not the best, but I already know all his flaws and deal with them. Few people have the natural urge to throw themselves into new situations or relationships out of pure and simple dissatisfaction. It usually takes a shake-up, a layoff, a kick in the ass to get moving,” she says.

Psychologist and women’s coach Gisele Meter puts the competitiveness of our society into this equation: “We are created not to accept ‘defeat’, and giving up is synonymous with defeat for many people. But this equivalence is not true.

Giving up, in the view of the specialists, can be a chance to do better in life, to be happier, even if there is no visible “safety net” for this leap. “If the person has difficulty saying that he gave up, he can say that he ‘gave up’, that he ‘let it go’. It’s the same thing, but the exchange of words often helps to take action and gain the bonus of living more peacefully”, advises Eliza.

Next, Eliza and Gisele indicate signs that it’s time to give up – or give up, as you prefer – something or someone and regain a peace of mind that you may not have even noticed you’ve lost.

Give up if the current situation prevents you from taking advantage of good opportunities

Do you take a deep breath of regret because of the resume that you didn’t send to a vacancy “inferior” to yours, but in which you would work with more horny? Knowing that someone very nice stopped inviting you on a date because you were committed (to someone who only causes you heartbreak)? Having these kinds of thoughts indicates that stepping aside is a good idea.

Have you prepared a breakup speech? Put it into action!

No one thinks about a resignation letter or what to say to break up with someone if they don’t have, at least deep down, some intention of living without it. Just lack the courage to put it into practice? Take a deep breath and move on, because the situation or person no longer makes sense in your life.

It’s time to let go when the situation undermines other aspects of your life…

Horrible work prevents you from being a great girlfriend, terrible dating makes your productivity at work or school drop: if an aspect of your life harms others who don’t have any problems, it’s best to take it out of the picture and make room for it. that everything is fine.

… And it becomes your main topic with close female friends

You can’t talk about a movie, a book, a show, because you always want to vent about the boy or girl you can’t stand anymore or about the horrible boss: a clear sign that it’s past time to let go.

Listen to the advice of friends who tell you to give up

When the situation reaches the point of the previous item, the friends notice and, if they are real friends, they hint that it is better to get rid of what is causing so much negative subject. Believe in those who want you well.

Sleeping or eating poorly from one hour to the next can signal the time to go outside

“A person frustrated with some aspect of life may lose their standards, show signs of insomnia or excessive sleep, eat less and less or take out frustration by eating too much. It’s good to be attentive”, warns Gisele. Have you noticed this in your life? Did any friend notice and talk about it with you? Eliminate what torments you, because your health is worth more.

What do you get when you give up what hurts you

For Gisele, the biggest gain from giving up is the achievement of self-knowledge and self-love. “An autonomy that was unthinkable before appears. The person manages to think about the future, make plans, radiate a light that was off”, observes the psychologist.

Eliza agrees and emphasizes that “it is not a question of losing a job, a company, but of making room for a better job, a partner or a partner that adds to your life”.

Be aware of this: your life projects did not fail, they just did not work in those situations and alongside those people.