How advising or highlighting someone’s strengths can be more important than praising their looks

When you hear a compliment, does your face “burn” with shame, but at the same time do you feel a sense of satisfaction? This delight occurs because the act of being praised can serve as a social reward, increasing self-esteem and self-confidence, and also serves as a strengthening of bonds. But don’t be fooled, it’s not just the appearance of someone that deserves to be praised. Your professional achievements, skills and qualities can also be the reason for praise.

O awesome.club gathered some of the reasons why we should praise the people around us and alternatives to escape the clichés that boil down to beauty. Check it out!

The stimulus for good self-esteem begins in childhood. The authority figures present in the child’s life – parents, guardians, family members and even school professionals – are partially responsible for building the self-perception that he will have of himself. Adults are the real drivers in the process of developing self-knowledge, as children are growing (and consequently getting to know each other).

The words addressed to the little ones are absorbed by them on a daily basis. Therefore, praise serves for children to have a perception of their qualities and abilities. Therefore, there is a very suitable way to praise them: being descriptive. That way, the child will realize what makes him or her special.

It is possible to notice, even in childhood, that there is a difference in the way boys and girls are generally praised. If, for them, compliments address strength and intelligence, with them the most common comments are about beauty, which prematurely presupposes that they are the most important values ​​to be attributed. This can encourage stereotypes and limit girls’ self-perceptions of themselves. It’s not forbidden to say that they are beautiful, but that shouldn’t be the only way to praise them.

How about we exercise a change in the approach to praise? The practice is as valid for praising children as it is for adults.

An example of praise that transcends the physical barrier of beauty, often built in childhood, can occasionally be illustrated in the statements of famous people. Actress Bruna Marquezine, for example, has already stated in an interview that she does not consider “thin” to be a compliment. Although people tell her that they think they are pleasing, in fact, she would much rather hear things like, “Wow, how happy you are!”, “What a good energy you transmit” or “How light you seem to be”. For Bruna, being thin is a characteristic like any other, and should not be a reason for pride or shame, for example.

Praising someone’s commitment to achieving their goals is a great way to praise and escape the cliché of mentioning looks. In this way, you will be encouraging the person to be focused and always look for ways to achieve new achievements. In addition to the fact that she will recognize that such an achievement was the fruit of something she has control over. After all, what other tasks would be more important than constant efforts?

Another alternative is to praise professional life. And to talk about it, we can use actress Betty Faria as an example. The eternal Tieta was responsible for giving life to one of the most attractive characters on Brazilian television. However, the best recognition for the actress is when she is praised as a professional.

“For me, the biggest compliment is talking about my characters. I give my life, my blood, study, memorize text, read, think as it is, I live for a character for months. So, talking the way I’m doing it, that gratifies me. I do my work for the public and if they love it, it warms my heart. I love doing characters, actress likes to work. Recognition delights me,” Betty said.

Compliments about intelligence can be a bit general. However, there are those who like it, like actress Marina Ruy Barbosa, for example. The redhead has already stated on her social media that, although she doesn’t mind being praised for her beauty, she finds it a little silly and prefers it even when her intellect is celebrated. A tip to make the praise even more personal is to observe what the people around you speak very properly, which subject they dominate, know deeply, and show that you admire them when they talk about this topic.

The companionship and partnership that your friends have with you or with others can also be exalted, and be more beneficial than we realize. A study has shown that addressing your peers with pleasant things goes beyond raising self-esteem, as it can have a positive impact on relationships and the collective sense of belonging and purpose.

The singer and former BBB Juliette shows us how: “My relationship with Anitta is very beautiful. I already had her as a female reference. Because what she had to face, tearing up the market, with all her determination… (…) And after I met her, Anitta gave herself in a very beautiful way. And she did things beyond what she would need to. Like spending hours in the studio with me, if I’m down, she calls me and says everything will be fine… I thought everything would be easier, it wasn’t and she supported me,” she declared.

A simple interaction between Sasha Meneghel and her husband, João Figueiredo, shows us that praise does not need to be done in a grandiose or exaggerated way. It was in the comments of a video in which he sings a snippet of “Talking to the moon”, a famous song by Bruno Mars, that the blonde compared the voice of the beloved with the “voice of an angel”. How about telling someone how talented that person is?

We know that the multi-talented Tatá Werneck and Ingrid Guimarães are very funny and always seem to be in a good mood. Both recognize this and praise each other for their laughter together. But they also recognize each other’s other qualities. Tatá has already declared that her friend is a great reference for her and a “well” of generosity, opening space for others to grow with her. “The first time we spoke, you said you wanted to be my friend. You always vibrated for me! I can’t forget how happy that call made me,” she added.

Years earlier, Ingrid had also highlighted some of the qualities she most values ​​in Tatá: “She is like that, transparent, loving, genius and the most empathetic person I know. (…) My partner, faithful, who suffers together and cheers together. Rare thing,” she posted her. In addition to the trajectory that is built and the doors that open, it is worth remembering that health can be totally linked to good mood.

A comforting phrase is often enough to dispel doubts and fears about the future. Actress Carolinie Figueiredo was accompanied by friend Sophie Charlotte when she found out she was pregnant at age 21. “There are people who prepare their whole lives to have a child, and there are people who prepare their child for life”, was what Sophie said to her friend at that moment of so much uncertainty, but which became a guide for Carolinie: “This sentence she told me as soon as I opened the blood test the north of assuming my story”. Words that, without a doubt, made a total difference in Carolinie’s life, right?

Experiments conducted by Harvard found that people tend to underestimate praise. Participants felt that praising a friend or stranger would not make any impact on that person’s day, or even that the interaction would make them feel uncomfortable — this type of thinking caused participants not to praise their peers so as not to cause supposed discomfort. .

However, the result showed that praising has the power to elevate the mood and contributes to the well-being of those who receive and also those who offer the compliment. So whenever you’re in doubt whether complimenting someone is going to be awkward, remember that you’re likely to mark their day in a positive way. Just be honest and focus on praise about something the person has the power to control, like work, the way they treat others, etc.

Now it’s your turn to tell us: what kind of compliment do you like to hear the most? Share with us in the comments!