family party etiquette

1. No more gossip

Like it or not, there is innocent gossip in every family circle… or not. But what to do when the most controversial issues come to light and those involved try to discuss them? Simple: kindly suggest resolving the situation at another time and stay away from anyone who insists on disrupting the party. “Acting like this is freeing yourself from being a victim of gossip and the person who makes it”, says psychologist Lílian Boarati. If even that doesn’t solve it, there is another solution: “The oldest person in the family or the hostess should take charge of the situation and make it clear that she does not accept such an attitude”, advises psychologist Olga Tessari.

2. Forget the money

Financial debt between relatives is another big problem. If the person (who owes or who borrowed) drank a little too much, then the broth spills over. If someone starts to get into trouble, discreetly approach and calmly explain that that moment is not the ideal time to resolve the issue, since the scandal will not do any good. “This is not the time to wash dirty clothes”, says family therapist Renata Soifer.

3. Moooooolque!

There’s always that nephew or grandson who won’t stop for anything in this world and, not infrequently, destroys something. If the unruly child is your child, apologize to the landlady (who will certainly be pissed off about the disorder) and be willing to replace the destroyed item. If you are the hostess, understand that this happens and that the child did not act intentionally. “The only thing you shouldn’t do is draw the attention of the little one, because he didn’t mean to do anything wrong”, points out Olga Tessari.

4. Table fights

Even the right time to start supper can cause conflicts. Children and the elderly, in general, cannot wait until midnight to eat. ”Everyone needs to understand that these groups have different needs than adults. For them, serve a pre-supper at the usual dinner time”, suggests Lílian Boarati.

5. Not a secret friend

The fun prank can turn into a nightmare when someone forgets the present. Were you the distracted one? If you’re lucky enough to live near the party, run and get the souvenir. But if you live far away, simply apologize. “Be sincere with each other. Such an attitude will help alleviate the gaffe”, says Olga. And, of course, set a day to deliver the gift to your winner.

6. Souvenirs

The question of gifts is always a question. It is recommended that you take treats for the hosts – as for the other guests, the choice is yours: “There is no obligation”, comments Ana Vaz, author of Pequeno Livro de Técnica (Ed. Verus, R$ 17). If you only want to give something to certain people, do it in a reserved corner. And even if you’re the hostess, don’t feel obligated to spend. One tip is to “copy CDs with songs you like and distribute”, says label consultant Fabio Arruda.

7. Separated parents together

Children of divorced parents always want to spend the holidays with both of them. If this is not feasible, arrange in advance how the scheme will be set up for the parties. ”Ideally, the children spend Christmas with one and New Year’s with another. And, in the following year, the dates are reversed”, explains Renata. However, she should not forget to ask her son’s opinion, as he may sometimes prefer another solution.

8. Controversial sung

If a friend decides to flirt with your cousin’s beautiful wife without knowing that she is married, discreetly take him aside and explain that your relative is not enjoying the advances at all. “The important thing is that someone known to the beau takes the initiative”, suggests Fabio Arruda.