Help your adult child to be independent

Children need to be taught to be independent. See how to prepare them if they are still children and how to help them change if they are already adults and are insecure🇧🇷

When spoiled too much, children can be afraid to face adult life. Parents’ work must begin in childhood. “For a person to break away from the family, the relationship must have been strong in childhood”, explains psychologist Renata Munhoz, who took a master’s degree at the University of São Paulo on adults who live with their parents.

Now, if your child is already an adult, there’s still time to lend a hand! “They need to feel a little uncomfortable to leave their parents’ house”, suggests Renata. When the changes begin, the grown man may engage in emotional blackmail. But resist! “At that time, think: I’m on the right track to make you independent”, says psychologist Olga Tessari.

How to help your adult child become more independent by:

You think he doesn’t know how to get by on his own

· Little by little, delegate the household chores. Ask him to fold the clothes, help with the cleaning and even cook. He will feel more able to fend for himself.

· Leave your child alone for a while: you don’t have to stop doing pleasant things just to take care of him. Travel more, go out with friends or with your husband.

· Stop asking so much if he wrapped himself up, if he took the umbrella before leaving or if he ate right. Instead, allow him to learn from his mistakes.

He does not work

· Encourage him to look for a job, even if the salary is low. Thus, he will depend less and less on his parents and gain experience to get a better job.

· Ask him to make up for the expenses he gives by helping around the house. He can solve problems online, go shopping, go to the bank…

· If he just stays in the room and doesn’t want to know anything, determine the rules of coexistence. For example, say you’ll only cook if he does his laundry.

Works but earns very little

· Don’t buy what your child asks for, even if you have money. If he complains, say, “I know this is hard for you. If you need me, I’ll be here. But I want you to learn to manage without me.” And period.

· Ask her to pay some household bills. That way, you give him more responsibility, encourage him to look for a better job, and make him feel like an adult.

· Always talk to him about the price of things and don’t offer him loans he can’t pay back.