Founder of Papo de Homem brings a new look at the gender issue

“I was never good at the things that boys were supposed to be good at,” he recalls. Guilherme Nascimento Valadares, 35 years old, about his childhood and adolescence in Belo Horizonte. He thought he was ugly, strange. He didn’t know how to play football and he didn’t get along with girls. The inadequacy of the male universe that surrounded him made him feel excluded.

“I didn’t fit in, I felt left out, I tried to fit in, but it didn’t work.” He was creating a world of fantasies within role-playing games and books, which he loved. A typical nerd. However, at age 18, the feeling of not belonging increased. “I didn’t know who to talk to about it, it was a huge silence and I couldn’t find safe places to express myself.”

It was around the age of 19 that the introspective young man saw a new galaxy unfolding in front of him through the computer. Guilherme delved into the internet at a time when the network “was just weeds” and used his supposed lack of masculinity to create a forum on the subject.

It didn’t take long to realize that his anguish was shared by many other guys from all over Brazil, who started to use the private space to discuss their weaknesses. At first, the conversations revolved around girls – the flirting, the dumps, the heartbreak…

Everyone wanted to understand how to relate to the opposite sex, how to be seen as more of a man and, above all, how to stop feeling like less of a man. “There was a lot of frustration, insecurity, rejection and confusion. We create a community of trust.” It was the beginning of a journey.

To take the discussion to the public sphere, Guilherme founded, in 2006, the blog man talk, a pioneering space that approached themes aimed at the male audience in a more humane way. “Magazines at the time basically presented us with women, cars and money, as if being a man was all about that.” On the blog, the debate was expanded and there was also talk about health, family, work and financial life.

buying the fight

The creator matured along with the creature, and the audience also grew. With the page open on the web, Guilherme saw the traffic to his site grow and criticism did not take long to arrive. One of them was from Vanessa Guedeswho wrote for the blog Feminist Bloggers🇧🇷

“In 2011, I wrote a horrible text in which I argued that it was possible to pass a line on the street without being inelegant, that is, sexist as hell. I was dissected by her, I wrote a reply, and the fight reverberated. After much thought, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t know anything about what I was talking about,” she says.

Guilherme decided to call the then rival and invited her for coffee. “I said, ‘Vanessa, I clearly don’t know sexism or feminism. Can you help me?’ ” It was the beginning of a collaboration process, and other women started to write for Papo de Homem. What had everything to be a boiling period, however, ended up in spilled milk.

On the one hand, faithful readers accused him of betraying the movement; on the other hand, the feminists smelled a certain whiff of opportunism in the approach. “Internet culture has become increasingly sensationalist, hysterical, reactive and anxious”, he analyzes. “It was about three years of beatings, but after we understood what feminism is, what women really go through and how it affects us, going back was no longer an option for us.”

The determination prevailed, and Papo de Homem was able to establish itself as a space for the struggle for what it calls the transformation of masculinities and, consequently, gender equity. Due to his performance in the area, Guilherme was invited to join the Brazil HeForShe Committee of UN Women.

The site has gained business status and, in addition to published texts, organizes events, consultancy for companies and surveys commissioned by brands and institutions that want to delve deeper into the issue. The purpose is to improve the relationship between men and women. One of the most recent works was done in partnership with the Avon Institute and dared to try to answer the question “How to talk to someone who thinks very differently from you?”.

A Buddhist, Guilherme takes spirituality as a compass for his personal and professional life. It is based on the desire to propagate values ​​such as compassion, joy, equanimity, altruism and love that fights against stereotyped views of the masculine.

Despite the privileges, he points out, men are also suffering from the emotional imprisonment they were taught, which leads to increasing rates of depression and anxiety. “For boys, conversations about what it is to be a man go through aggression, drinking, sex. There is a lack of examples of healthy masculinities”, he maintains. On this path, still dark, Guilherme has the lantern in his hands.

active listening

Papo de Homem carried out the survey “How to talk to someone who thinks very differently from you”, in partnership with the Avon Institute. 9,000 people from all over the country aged between 18 and 59 participated, and the data were presented at the Speak Without Fear Forum, held at the end of March.

It was found, for example, that while 70% of Brazilians believe that having conversations about gender issues with those who think very differently is positive, only 20% actively seek dialogue with those who have opposite ideas. See more here.

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