Filophobia or fear of falling in love: symptoms, causes and treatment

For most people, falling in love and establishing a sincere and deep emotional bond with someone is a pleasant idea. Finding that ideal life partner is one of your greatest desires. However, for those individuals who suffer from philophobia, this scenario is terrifying.

Far from feeling excitement, enthusiasm or happiness, when thinking about falling in love they are invaded by restlessness. Love generates such anxiety, such stress and so much fear in these people that they will not hesitate to carry out all types of avoidance behaviors. so as not to be involved in an emotional commitment.

What is philophobia?

Indeed, the fear of love exists, and it is more present around us than we believe.. The scenes that we have observed in movies or read in books reflect a reality. And if you have had the misfortune of falling in love with a philophobe at some point, you know what it is about.

These individuals feel about love what someone with a phobia of heights would feel on the edge of a cliff: enormous anxiety and an urgent need to escape from the situation. For them, committing emotionally feels like an abyss, like guaranteed suffering.

For someone with correct emotional development, it can be difficult to understand how such a gratifying feeling can generate so much fear. However, the attitude of the philophobe is usually the result of a previous experience that they have not known how to deal with and process adequately.

Philophobia can arise from a complex upbringing, lacking affection or full of rejection. It may come from a failed love relationship, in which the person involved experienced great suffering. In any case, the person was damaged by beings who said they loved them, they felt rejected or abandoned. Today, your top priority is to avoid finding yourself in a similar situation that puts you in the same vulnerable position.

What are the symptoms of philophobia?

Philophobia is a type of specific phobia and, like all of them, it has different symptoms. According to Sosa and Capafóns (2014), the symptoms of specific phobias can be grouped into three dimensions: physiological, cognitive and motor.

Physiological symptoms

They are characterized by a set of physiological responses mediated by the activation of the autonomic nervous system:

increased heart rateincreased respiratory ratesweatinginhibition of salivationstomach contractionsnauseadiarrheaelevated blood pressure

Cognitive symptoms

These symptoms are characterized by the presence of ideas, interpretations, beliefs or narratives that the person has around love:

negative images or self-verbalizationsnegative beliefs about lovebeliefs of inability to cope with the situationnegative interpretations about physiological reactionsintrusive thoughtsworriesstate of alarm

Motor symptoms

Philophobia manifests itself through specific behavioral responses that a person adopts to deal with their fear of love. One of the most obvious manifestations is the tendency to avoid or flee from situations that arouse this fear. These reactions can be both active and passive.

In an active response, the person chooses to walk away directly from the possibility of a loving bond. For example, if she senses that she might develop feelings for someone, she will distance herself.

In contrast, passive responses are more subtle. Here, the person chooses not to frequent places or situations where there is the possibility of falling in love, thus avoiding facing their feelings.

Causes of fear of love

According to the article Why Are We Afraid to Love, philophobia has its origin in early childhood experiences. In this text, Romina Tavormina addresses the fear of love and how certain childhood experiences can influence it.

The author points out that children who have grown up in environments where parents are distant and do not meet emotional demands may develop a fear of intimacy and commitment in adulthood.

Thus, the root of the fear of love is found in the connection that the infant develops with his or her parental figures. According to Tavormina, in the life history of philophobes it is common to find mothers overwhelmed by anxiety and depression who were unable to establish an empathic bond with their children.

These mothers did not offer the necessary support for the child to manage his emotions, making him insecure and dependent on them. For their part, the fathers were emotionally absent and did not fulfill the function of introducing their children to the outside world or facilitating their independence from the mother.

As a result of all this, the person grows up with a strong emotional bond to his or her primary familyfacing difficulties in forming healthy and stable love relationships in their adult life.

Modern society as a catalyst for philophobia

Beyond early experiences, Tavormina also identifies other elements that can feed the fear of love: the demands of modern life, social expectations, fear of commitment and the challenges of forming genuine emotional connections.

Another possible cause is traumatic or painful experiences. Infants who go through traumatic situations such as conflict in Parental divorce, loss, homelessness, or abuse, they might face challenges when trying to love others. This same difficulty can manifest itself in adults who have experienced situations of infidelity, separation, abuse or abandonment.

The fact that a parent moves away during childhood can sow a deep fear of love. Likewise, the adults who have suffered constant rejection On the part of their partners or friends, they could develop resistance to establishing romantic bonds.

In summary, philophobia may have its origins in early interactions with parental figures and traumatic experiences. The attitudes and behaviors of parents, friends, and partners can have a lasting impact on an individual’s ability to form healthy relationships.

The suffering of philophobia

This fear finds its maximum expression in relationships. But if it occurs to a high degree, it is possible that the fear also extends to family or friendship ties. Definitely, It is complicated and painful to love a person with philophobia. Well, for her, the link represents an enormous threat from which she wants to escape.

Thus, he will be very reluctant to establish a personal connection or deepen it. You will tend to repress your emotions, fight them and prevent them from growing. The other member of the relationship will be plunged into great confusion, they may even feel insufficient and see her self-esteem diminished in a significant way in the face of so much rejection.

However, for the person with philophobia the outlook is not very encouraging either. Human beings are social beings, we need contact with others, their company, presence and affection.. For these people, fear prevents them from enjoying such an essential need; and, if they do not remedy it, they can end up isolated, living a lonely and frustrating existence.

Can it be treated?

CBT focuses on the interaction and influence between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.. It generally focuses on identifying the ways of thinking, feeling, and responding that may contribute to anxiety. In the case of specific phobia, CBT would also use gradual exposure to the source of fear, along with the application of relaxation and cognitive restructuring techniques.

In addition to cognitive-behavioral intervention, technology-assisted therapies have been shown to have a positive impact in alleviating fears. These include virtual reality therapy (VR) and Internet therapy. TRV involves exposure to feared situations in a controlled and safe virtual environment. This makes it a more tolerable treatment than exposure in vivo.

Finally, pharmacological treatment can be a complementary option to therapy, although its effects are inconsistent. Propranolol and glucocorticoid are promising medications, but more studies are needed.

What can I do if I am philophobic?

Like any disproportionate fear, philophobia can be a very debilitating condition that interferes with interpersonal relationships. Therefore, here we leave you some tips to overcome fear presented by the United Kingdom’s National Health Service. It is worth clarifying that we have adapted them to the topic of this article.

Take some time: When you feel anxious about love, take a moment to calm down. Distract your mind for a few minutes, whether with a short walk, making a drink, or doing a relaxation exercise.Breathe deeply: If you feel your heart racing at the thought of falling in love, don’t fight that feeling. Allow yourself to feel it and breathe deeply, focusing on each inhale and exhale.Face your fear: avoiding love will only make fear grow. If a previous relationship caused you pain, don’t avoid future opportunities. Face the fear and over time it will begin to fade.Keep the evidence in mind: challenge your fearful thoughts. If you fear being hurt in a relationship, reflect on the times you have had positive experiences in your relationships. Look for evidence against your distressing thoughts.Remember that not everything is perfect: Love and relationships have ups and downs. Don’t expect everything to be perfect. Accepting that there will be challenges will help you face them with a more open mind.Imagine a happy relationship: recreate in your mind a scenario where you feel loved and safe. Use this visualization to calm yourself when you feel fear or anxiety.Share what you feel: Talking about your fears reduces their intensity. Talk to friends, family, or consider seeking professional help if you feel like your fears are limiting you.Watch your health: Avoid resorting to alcohol or drugs to calm your anxiety. Simple things like getting a good night’s sleep, eating healthy, and exercising can help you better manage your fears. Give yourself rewards: Every time you face your fear of love or take a step to overcome it, reward yourself. Whether it’s something small that you like or just acknowledging your bravery.

In parallel to these strategies, Seek professional help to help you reduce your phobia and create healthy loving bonds.. Remember that a cognitive-behavioral therapist is a good option, since this type of intervention has been shown to be effective in treating phobias.

What do I do if I fell in love with a philophobe?

It is possible that it is not you who is philophobic, but rather the person you are attracted to. In these cases, what can be done? Below we will leave you some suggestions that could help you:

Understand your anxiety: you need to know…