Fear of being alone

The fear of being alone, of not having contact with others, is inherent to human beings. As social beings, we need to be surrounded by other people to feel fulfilled and successfully develop many of our abilities. The bonds with others nourish us, They enrich us and in some way are necessary to achieve well-being.

Now this behavior It becomes a problem when it becomes impossible to lead a normal life. without company. Whether due to the absence of a partner or living in another country, loneliness, although common, can grow worryingly until it suffocates us. Let’s dig deeper.

What is the fear of being alone?

The fear of being alone is based on the belief of feeling unable to carry out any activity that involves loneliness. You can even reach limits where you can’t even take care of yourself or you desperately look for company. This circumstance is also called autophobia or ‘fear of oneself’.

Normally, the fear of loneliness is associated with external agents. In children, could be associated with fear of separationwhen they are not able to understand that their caregivers are not going to leave, but rather that they are going to be separated for a short period of time.

In adults, the fear of loneliness usually comes hand in hand with loss of a loved one, of a sentimental separation…which lead to the appearance of this type of fear due to a deep feeling of abandonment and low self-esteem.

How to overcome the fear of being alone

1. Understand your fear

The first step to overcoming the fear of being alone is introspection. It is a fundamental requirement understand the process we are experiencing in order to act on it. This is often the most important step, since we have a multitude of defense methods, including denial.

Denial can be useful to ignore our fears in times of great stress, but in the long run we can’t lock that part of us away. Therefore, understanding what happens to us is the beginning of this process of improvement.

2. Accept it, value fear

To be able to work on fear, it is not only necessary to recognize it, but also accept that it is part of us. This process, somewhat more complex, is accompanied by forgiveness.

We cannot allow guilt to invade us, when the fearamong other things, makes us grow. If we manage to find that value in fear, we will be making enormous progress in the process of overcoming it. The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung already said it: “What you deny subdues you, what you accept transforms you.”

3. Analyze the causes

Every fear has an origin, a cause. It is important to discover what is the source of our emotion, to weigh the possible solutions and above all what it wants to tell us. The fear of loneliness is usually due, as we have already seen, to separation, distance, loss. In fact, it is usually connected with other emotions and aspects such as the following:

The fear of abandonment.The fear of failure or the excess perfectionism and responsibility.The fear of what they will say or others will think.

On the other hand, identifying the cause may seem like a simple process; However, often the pain distorts our reality and makes the improvement process more complicated. Therefore, it is important that we take this into account so as not to ignore how we feel and work on those emotions.

4. Associate loneliness with positive aspects

Overcoming our fear of loneliness does not mean abandoning it. We have to understand that Solitude is necessary and positive for our life. If we look at it from the right perspective, it can become a refuge to connect with ourselves.

To achieve this objective we can resort to association. Therefore, if we associate it with positive elements and meanings, our fear will little by little disappear. Besides, Loneliness can mark the beginning of a stage of reconstruction of ourselves, the one in which we decide to prioritize ourselves to take care of ourselves.

5. Solitude is essential

As we have already seen, loneliness is good for our emotional health. What’s more, we can consider it important to maintain ourselves in that state. This means that it is pertinent to seek solitude, even daily, to recover the energy we lose during the day.

A solitary walk, watching a movie we like, going out to dinner on our own… Anything goes to get that moment of solitude that we need so much.

6. Professional help

Sometimes the fear of loneliness can become a serious problem that It leads to depression, anxiety and even emotional dependence. Hence it is important that we consult with a specialist.

Remember: you are your best company. Without you, you wouldn’t be who you are. It may seem obvious, but we often forget that we are our own best confidant and that only we can understand each other perfectly. The only essential person in your life is you.

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