I’m afraid of falling in love again, what can I do?

“I’m afraid of falling in love again, of going through the same suffering, to fall into that trap in which to give everything and in the end be left with nothing… Does love always have to hurt or am I just unlucky? There are many who ask themselves these same questions and fear, in turn, establishing a new relationship after experiencing more than one failure, more than one painful disappointment.

There are those who have one or more sad love stories tattooed on their heart, poorly resolved, the kind that leave a mark and conflicting emotions. Bad experiences that are not processed properly slow down the present and make us see the future with fear.. This frequently occurs in the field of emotional relationships. Traumatic breakups encapsulate us, they cover us with a layer of silent pain that oxidizes our spirit, our confidence…

That of not feeling so as not to suffer is a formula that many try to apply. It will always be better to put a lock on the heart than to leave it open for anyone to enter and leave everything mixed up, destroyed. What can we do in these circumstances? How to handle that specific fear? We analyze it.

I’m afraid of falling in love again: action and reflection strategies

There is no greater desire than to love and be loved. The human being is genetically oriented towards bonding, to that emotional connection with which to build relationships, whether friendship or emotional. We could say that whoever avoids it, whoever says that to himself “I’m afraid of falling in love again.” is little more than a Rare avis.

However, Philophobes, that is, those who fear love, are increasingly abundant. They are not a strange exception to the norm. They are people with a disconcerting need to withdraw, to move away when approached by a potential partner, someone they could love. They put up walls and avoid it because they fear feeling vulnerable, because they are terrified of reopening the wounds that others left them.

This is a problem? Do I perhaps suffer from some type of disorder if this is my reality right now? Philophobia or the simple reluctance not to get involved in a new relationship after having had one or more failed ones is normal. Nevertheless, We must become aware of something: perhaps we are vetoing the opportunity to be happy again..

We may even be distorting some aspects of what love really is. Let us therefore reflect on some aspects.

The fear of love is actually made up of many other fears: name them

“I’m afraid of falling in love again.” When we tell ourselves this, we are not always aware that we feel many more fears added to the very fact of starting a new relationship. Naming and identifying each thought, concern, fear and sensation will help us feel better.

This would be an example. “I fear they will deceive again. I’m afraid that they will play with my self-esteem again. I’m terrified of feeling vulnerable, worrying about whether they are lying to me, whether they really love me…

All these fears are aspects that we must review and work on. If there is something positive about having gone through several relationships, it is learning, being able to shape a more secure, mature and conscious version of ourselves after having gone through several experiences.

If you fear that others will open wounds from the past, it is because they have not yet closed as they should.

If you are afraid that a new love will open your scars from the past, it is because those wounds are not healed. If the memory still hurts you, if there are corners in you that still sting and that take you back to yesterday, it means that you still have a pending account with yourself. It is not convenient to act as if nothing had happened, to throw ourselves into day-to-day life as if these internal injuries did not exist.

What is not healed will not only prevent us from loving and being loved as we deserve. What hurts infects almost every aspect of life, makes us fearful, we raise walls of distrust and frustration saturates almost every dream, plan or perspective.

Time to love ourselves, without rushing

If I am afraid of falling in love again, it is because there was someone who did not love us as we should.. It is an obvious reality. It is a fact that should be assumed and faced appropriately. How? Recomposing those fragments of a harmful love, of that ill-will that chipped our self-esteem.

After these experiences, there is only one possible and recommended option: give ourselves time to love ourselves as we deserve. Giving ourselves new dreams, appreciating who we are, giving ourselves what we need and projecting new plans are ideal ways to repair dignity and self-concept.

The needles of time do not sew the pieces of a broken heart. What repairs the mark of suffering is our attitude, our willingness to overcome what we have experienced.

I’m afraid of falling in love again but I’m not going to sabotage myself.

You can tell yourself that “I’m afraid of falling in love again.” and that you feel that way is understandable and respectable. However, All fear is acceptable as long as it does not limit your life. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to give ourselves the time necessary to process what we have experienced, requesting expert help if we wish.

However, it is not good to sabotage ourselves by vetoing the opportunity to be happy again. Because there is a fact that we must keep in mind. Authentic love does not hurt, it enriches. The person who loves in a healthy way will make you feel strong and safe, not vulnerable.

Authentic affection will give you roots and security, not uncertainties and voids through which desire, dreams, and commitments escape. Let’s give ourselves time to heal and love again. It is not worth putting a lock on the heart when, in reality, there are loves that are worth the joy.

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