Family betrayals: the wound that hurts the most

Family betrayals are in many cases the substrate of many traumas. Feeling the pain of deception, of abandonment, of help that does not arrive when it is needed, of criticism that destroys and indifference that nullifies marks the future of many people. In some way, it is as if these disappointments traced within the family generate a type of suffering unlike any other.

Throughout our life cycle we have experienced more than one betrayal with great probability. Friends, co-workers and even couples. These types of moral failures and emotional assaults on trust are dynamics that, more or less, we know how to deal with and we even assume that they happen from time to time. However, When that wound to loyalty comes from a father, mother or brother, the experience is different.

There are those who point out that family relationships are overrated. It may be so. However, the truth is that The family nucleus continues to be our first support network and the ground on which we learn to stand up.. If what we receive are blows and slights, whether we want it or not, it will cost us a little more to walk with resolution and security tomorrow.

Family betrayals, why are they so traumatic?

When we talk about post-traumatic stress disorder, it is common to associate it with very specific situations.. The death of someone close in an unexpected or violent way. Suffering from an assault or rape. Experiencing events such as natural disasters, kidnappings, violent experiences… All of this creates such an intense impact that it is common to lead to a traumatic effect.

Now, there are other types of experiences that are more silent and even invisible. The dynamics experienced within families often create a type of stress that also leads to traumatic experiences.. Let’s think about the child who is abandoned by a father or mother whom he or she never sees again. Let’s think about those confrontations over monetary issues that separate families.

Research work such as those carried out at the University of Michigan points out something revealing. Despite the classic idea that most families are united, the truth is that disagreements are a constant. And this phenomenon, that of differences, betrayals and disappointments, affects the mental well-being of many people.

In what way can our family betray us?

Sometimes, it is often said that just a small betrayal is enough for the crack of mistrust to begin to open. The usual thing is that we find the following dynamics:

Breaking a promise is the most common of betrayals. This is also one of the experiences that children can begin to feel early. When a child is promised that mom or dad will have time for them that weekend and it doesn’t happen, that fact is not forgotten, especially if it is a constant.Family betrayals are also created by neglecting the one you love. Leaving children or your partner in the background is an example of this.The breach of trust when revealing personal facts to third parties is also an example.On the other hand, also betrayals of economic origin are recurrent. At the moment when the monetary aspect outweighs the bond between parents and children or between siblings, a new emotional wound is generated.

Family betrayals, why do they impact us psychologically?

Family betrayals always hurt and anyone who denies it has not yet processed their own experience.. The emotional damage derived from these experiences is based on a series of dimensions that are worth delving into.

Our society continues to transmit to us the idea that the family is an institution. It is a structure oriented only to confer constant love, respect and appreciation. When we discover that our parents and siblings are not there unconditionally for us, the impact is more harmful. We have a shared history with these figures. We have grown up with these people and whether we like it or not, they are part of who we are. When a family betrayal appears it is as if a part of us collapses too.

On the other hand, in many cases, we find family relationships with a high mutual dependence. Parents depend on their children and vice versa. If a betrayal or disappointment arises and we cannot put distance because we depend financially on each other, the situation is highly complicated.

How do you handle the pain caused by these experiences?

From the University of Texas, Dr. Anita Vangelisti speaks in a research paper about the pain of betrayal and those upset feelings in this type of interactions. Sometimes, the pain from that experience ends up healing, but On most occasions, family betrayal prevails in memory.

In these situations, it is good to reflect on a series of ideas. The first is that It is a priority to heal that trauma, especially if the pain of betrayals has been a constant since childhood.. Those who have become accustomed since childhood to the weight of betrayal soon stop trusting others, and this is something that we must attend to for our well-being and our balance.

On the other hand, it is important to practice a very specific type of forgiveness. The one in which one gives up continuing to hold grudges, resentment or even hatred. Letting go of those adverse emotions frees and makes room for healing. If, once that internal peace is achieved, one wishes to forgive the family, it is a personal choice.

However, it is more decisive to work on our emotional well-being by releasing the burden of resentment, spite, disaffection… There are facts that cannot be forgotten, but it is essential to learn to live with them without them hurting.moving forward into the future with or without the presence of our family.

You might be interested…