Emotional Responsibility

Self-responsibility entails taking charge, not only of the behaviors we carry out, but also of what we think and feel. In short, of our existence.

Throughout our lives, When we interact with others, most of the time we find ourselves talking about ourselves. Even if we think we are giving our opinion about our friend or family member.

We deposit in others what we are not prepared to assume from our own personal reality. In other words, we project ourselves and attribute responsibility for how we feel to others.

That’s why, The reading of others can be a faithful reflection of what happens to us. The exterior speaks to us and serves as a mirror for us, if we are willing to see what parts or pending issues we have unresolved with ourselves.

“You are responsible for how I feel” (personal projection)

We are used to holding others responsible for our emotions, that is, for how we feel, just as we take responsibility for how others feel. Putting the focus outside, instead of focusing on us.

Thus, if someone around us does not feel well, we feel responsible and try to do something about it, as if we had the strategy to solve the suffering of others.

Or on the contrary, When we are the ones who feel bad, we place the responsibility for that feeling outside.whether in another person or in the situation.

The need to take control

Taking responsibility for the emotions of others can be a great burden on our individual development. Likewise, it is equally irresponsible to displace personal discomfort by projecting it onto others.

We must, in essence, shape adequate emotional responsibility to assume control of everything that happens to us. Thus, studies such as the one carried out in the department of cognitive neuroscience of the College London they point out to us that When we apply this strategy, we improve our psychological health.Let’s think about it: How many times have you expressed “You make me angry” or “You make me feel bad”? It is time to learn to manage your anger, your jealousy, your anger or your sadness, because the answers are not outside, believe me, but in you.

If you don’t take charge of your emotions, who will? the others? the situation? Too unstable, right?

This does not mean that you do not express yourself and show how you feel about others. But take responsibility for how you feel and, Instead of giving the power of your well-being or discomfort to others, take the reins so that you have it yourself.

Accept negative emotions but take charge of them

You have as much right to be upset about something that happened as anyone else, no problem. Now, if you take charge of it, everything will be more satisfactory.

Because you will find yourself in a process of discovery and personal growth, in which every discomfort that arises, whether in relation to others or the context, will be an opportunity to continue getting to know yourself.

Otherwise, we will always be at the expense of others and circumstances, of everything but ourselves. And this also happens when we talk about those around us.

I invite you when you are giving your opinion or criticizing someone, try to be a little more aware of what you are saying. Most of the time, what you are expressing you also contain, you have contained it or you have felt identified.

I have the responsibility to understand how I feel

And what to do about all this?

First, accept that there is a possibility that we are projecting ourselves onto the other. It is not an easy task, if we take into account that if we do it, it is because at the moment we are not capable of assuming it and we transfer it outside.

Therefore, we tend to resist taking responsibility for our reactions. It is therefore necessary to be aware of this.

At this point, it is pertinent to emphasize that Being responsible is very different from being guilty.. Just because someone is responsible does not mean that they are to blame or the cause of the event. Instead, responsibility implies assuming ourselves as active subjects and not mere objects of the discretion and power that we ourselves give to others.

““You don’t make me angry, I get angry at what you have done or what has happened.” “I am the one who feels anger, sadness or rage, in the face of the different circumstances that arise in life and I do not reject or avoid them, but I am going to stay in them, accepting them and then see what I can do with them. But above all, I am responsible for myself”

Once you are aware of your own emotional reality, you will be able to work with that internal universe to continue evolving and growing. Now, keep in mind that this craft will not be an easy task. You will often find yourself in contradictions, since the ego likes to protect itself excessively.

However, perhaps this is what is beautiful, the process of self-discovery with its affirmations and self-deceptions to finally integrate them into our interior.

Activity to work on emotional responsibility

There are specific techniques that can help us take more responsibility for what we feel. One of them is identify which emotion has been most present in recent days: Have you felt happy? irritable? sad?…

After you have identified it, analyze that emotional state asking you the following questions in the proposed order:

What makes that emotion exist in me? So you can get to know yourself a little more and you will know how to identify which specific stimuli provoke certain emotions.How can I control it so that it allows me to be better with myself and others? This question will help you manage emotions in the most appropriate way.If this emotion is negative, how can I modify it? With this question you can reflect on the role each emotion plays in you and how you can modify your emotional universe in such a way that you can express feelings and attitudes more in line with the situation.How do I understand other people’s emotions without judging them? The ideal would be to apply this questioning every time we see ourselves holding others responsible for what happens to us, or when we believe we are responsible for the emotions of others. Remember that Working on empathy is essential to understanding others.You might be interested…