Emotional intelligence in the couple, keys and advice

Sometimes it’s not easy. Sometimes emotions weigh too much and we feel overwhelmed, surrounded by a reality that we cannot face.

No one comes into this world with a manual under their arm and a chip installed in their heart, capable of dictating to us what to do and how to act at all times.

Relationships are complex, two universes must be harmonized into one so that together they can be integrated into the same pentagram, on the same road where they can travel with tranquility and happiness.

But how to achieve it? Discussions, differences in interests, feelings of loneliness or incomprehension… Emotional Intelligence offers us a theoretical framework from which we can learn and revalue many aspects of our lives.

One thing must be clear: the ship of a relationship cannot sail with a single captain. It takes the cooperation of two people to face tides and storms. Do you want to know the main keys?

Loving is not just wanting, it is understanding

This phrase was left to us by the brilliant writer Françoise Sagan. And it is precisely the basis that nourishes emotional Intelligence. Understanding one’s own and others’ emotions, knowing how to identify their needs and realities in others.
This type of knowledge always begins with oneself.If we know how to identify our own emotions (joy, anger, disappointment, fear, anxiety), we must also be able to recognize our partner’s emotions.

Definitely, Knowing ourselves is the best way to know and understand others.. Among other things, we will discover that the vast majority of us are motivated by the same motivation, to be happy. And on this path to happiness we can sometimes make mistakes in our behavior. So, in the same way that we can make mistakes, others can also make mistakes.

Be the mirror of the other

A relationship should be a path for two people to grow not only as individuals but also as a couple. That is to say, you have to allow the other to think differentlythat has its own needs and that matures both professionally and personally, within the couple itself.

It is not at all about vetoing or prohibiting, about enclosing ourselves in a relationship where there is no freedom. We must be aware that in an emotionally intelligent relationship, each person must be the mirror of the other: “I understand you and respect you,” “I know what you feel, I know what you need.”

We do not have to change the other at our will, we have to fit pieces between the two so that the relationship is harmonious. “Falling in love is finding yourself, outside of yourself”

Communication

We must practice active listening. It is true that sometimes they can tell us things that we do not want to hear, but understanding always starts from this point. Communication is an essential part of the couple, since if it fails, everything fails. In this way, it is a key piece to learn to listen to the other without intervening until their turn to speak is over. As obvious as this may seem, in many relationships there is no listening at all and only overlapping words are heard.

Every conflict, every difference, needs a good dialogue from which to communicate ideas, emotions, feelings… it is always important to verbalize this complex inner world out loud “I feel that…” “I think that…” “I feel…” “I feel that…” What’s wrong with me is…”

Speak in the first person so that the other person understands you, but also listen to their words.
People skilled in Emotional Intelligence usually establish rules when communicating, they know how to negotiate, looking for the ideal moment in which to simply sit down and talk..

There are those who, for example, prefer to remain silent until they get home, to an intimate environment in which to let out what we feel, think and need. We should not demand that the other person speak when we are in the middle of a discussion. Anger clouds reason and it will be better to let a few minutes or hours pass. Rushing when it comes to solving relationship problems is not our friend. Better let emotions calm down and speak from serenity.

If we want the other to know something that bothers us, it is recommended Point out the behavior we don’t like instead of blaming the person. For example, instead of saying: “You are a disaster, you have left your clothes in the middle again, you will never change.”. It is advisable to change it to: “I would like you to leave your clothes in their place, so everything is more organized.”.

Self-knowledge and acceptance of the other

To build an efficient relationship, it is essential that we know ourselves. What are my limits? What are my insecurities, my fears, my needs?

Sometimes, immature people are the ones who have the most difficulty establishing a bond with their partner. They are individuals with many insecurities, full of doubts, jealousy… of aspects that have not been overcome on a personal level. It is essential that you know yourself, only then can we also understand the other person. To maintain the bond it is also essential to know how to accept the other.

Disqualifications are never good. We all have virtues and defects… limitations that we must know how to see and accept. If you love a person, you don’t want to change their personality. You have to build between both of you a way of existence where you both accept each other, But if we insist on changing their personality, we will lead the other to sad unhappiness..

Love is a great adventure. But it is a long journey that requires time and wisdom, Emotional Intelligence being an excellent standard from which to guide us, from which to provide balance to those moments of crisis or doubts that we have all felt at some point.