Do you know how to forgive? Learn tactics to overcome the hurt in your life

Small or big, the steps on the ball are part of life. It may be due to a lack of harmony or communication between two people or even a lack of honesty or character on the part of one of them, but the fact is that there is a hurt with someone – it can be a friend, crush or family member – at least once in life is inevitable.

What makes all the difference is how each person handles it. Some are unable to forgive and ruminate on the bad feeling for days, months and even years. Others prefer to practice forgiveness and get rid of that bad vibe.

If you are part of the second group, the chances are high that you will be able to maintain your well-being and look at the present and the future with peace of mind. But, if you are in the first group, it is very likely that the difficulty of letting go of sorrows ties your life at different times.

Come and understand why forgiving can be a liberating and individual act – you don’t even need to look your opponent in the face to benefit from forgiveness. And then check out the tips for learning the art of forgiving.

Scientific studies analyze the benefits of forgiving

For starters, it’s proven by scientific studies that the act of forgiving isn’t just good for putting a smile on your face: it results in physical benefits.

In an article for the Johns Hopkins Hospital magazine (Baltimore, USA), psychiatrist Karen Swartz presented results from her clinical practice that indicate that people who forgive have an improvement in their heart condition (both in heartbeats and blood pressure) and in stress levels.

Researchers at the University of Tennessee (USA) have proven that those who forgive have better sleep patterns in terms of the number of hours slept and the quality of rest. At the same time, a study at Duke University (North Carolina, USA) pointed to an improvement in the immunity of those who practice forgiveness in their daily lives.

Forgiveness and improved quality of life

With all this, your life and your posture in the face of circumstances improves. “If you want to move forward, make new and positive choices, it’s important to let go of the past, let it go so that you can live intensely today. For this, we have to offer forgiveness, because only forgiveness sets us free. As long as you keep feeling and resentful of that hurt from the past, you are stuck there”, says behavioral analyst Aline Salvi, specialist in neurolinguistic programming.

She explains, based on studies, that forgiving is a matter of necessity to free up neurological space for new learning. “Neuroscience has explained many mysteries about ourselves; found that when nerve cells become diseased, they have physical consequences in our bodies, something unforgiveness can do.”

Heloísa Capelas, specialist in behavioral intelligence, director of the Hoffman Center and author of the book “Forgiveness: The missing revolution”, argues that “it is not always simple, but forgiving is the only path to liberation.”

It is Heloísa who gives the good news that, in order to leave behind what happened, it is not even necessary to confront who caused your hurt (and run the risk of reliving the pain caused): “Forgiveness is yours, not the other’s; well being is for you, not for the other. You can forgive a person without having to explain it to them. When you forgive, healing is yours. Your emotional intelligence is exercised to compose a fuller organism.”

Tips for including forgiveness in your daily life

Aline and Heloísa give six tips for you to be able to forgive and improve your life.

– Decide you don’t want to be angry anymore

Heloísa explains that attachment to anger and the feeling of revenge make the personal cycle of forgiveness more complicated. “Getting rid of that chain could save your life. You can forgive in silence. The cure and end point of this cycle may be not feeling angry anymore.”

– Forgive the little steps on the ball of everyday life

Turn forgiveness into a habit and increase your emotional intelligence. Forgive the co-worker who was rude, the driver who cut you off in traffic, the neighbor who didn’t hold the elevator.

– Talk about what hurt you

But talk to get rid of it once and for all, not to dwell on it. The idea is to vent to a friend or bring the subject to therapy. Verbally, you can channel the anguish, notice the main points of the hurt, work them out in your mind and discard them. And finally, move on.

– Acknowledge your share of responsibility

Sometimes we are in a fragile moment, with low self-esteem, and we open our guard for that not-so-nice person to hurt us. It is important to recognize when this is the case, to prevent it from happening again and also to be able to find the best internal path to forgiveness. Including self-forgiveness, that is, eliminating a possible anger at yourself for allowing this to happen.

– Forgive your parents

Mothers and fathers or guardians, as a rule, do the best for their children. They make mistakes, it is true, because they are human. And it’s not uncommon for children to hold grudges over these mistakes for many years. This feeling is a saboteur of individual progress. Forgive your parents for not always living up to your expectations and look in your story for the positive aspects of your relationship, the good things they did for you. It will open your way.

– Nurture positive feelings

“Those who think evil or wish evil go around in circles, because life stalls, they don’t move forward”, says Aline. She explains that feelings can be measured in speed and wavelength and that, once launched into the universe, they come back in exactly the same measure – whether they are good or bad. Feeding and emanating hurt to the universe will only bring more hurt into your life. “Let us be evolved human beings, free from pain and negative feelings”, suggests the specialist.