Do you know how to defend yourself from passive-aggressive behavior?

Passive-aggressive behavior is characterized by being dependent and manipulative. His sibylline art also combines negative attitudes and the defeatism that permeates is so strong that it drags others to a very deep psychic and emotional exhaustion. Likewise, these traits make up a type of challenging profile, unfortunately very common and which makes any dynamic of a couple, friendship and family bond difficult.

Something that The most we know how to do almost instantly is to identify any aggressive behavior. We all, on average, have that clinical eye that allows us to warn that person whose attitude, behavior or way of communicating gives off a certain violence, a certain air of superiority and more or less explicit aggressiveness.

However, The passive-aggressive person is not always seen coming, it is not always so easy to translate certain attitudescertain reactions that often oscillate between the charismatic or the reactionary. Their hostility camouflaged in irony, sarcasm and false “good manners” is striking.. It is a type of personality that confuses, that leads to misunderstandings, until little by little one ends up being aware of the discomfort that that specific person generates in us.

On the other hand, it should be said that Until a few years ago, passive-aggressive personality was identified as a personality disorder. However, this clinical label disappeared in the fourth edition of the DSM. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) to remain only a type of behavior, a “non-pathological” personality type.

In the 90s this supposed disorder was overdiagnosed and the controversy was such that a consensus was reached that it was not logical to pathologize resistance, pessimism or covert aggressiveness. It would only be correct in the case of a person who uses this attitude permanently, in turn reflecting a dominant, pessimistic and very invalidating attitude.

Characteristics of passive-aggressive behavior

All of us can display passive-aggressive behavior at any given time. There are specific triggers that can generate, almost without realizing it, a behavior of latent hostility, a type of reaction where we demonstrate a certain irritability, a certain bad mood. Thus, it is important Always understand what is behind passive-aggressive behavior.

Let’s now see in detail what the most common characteristics are.

The language of passive-aggressive

Passive-aggressive behavior always masks camouflaged anger, poorly concealed and externalized especially through language. The presence of hints is common, those that hurt and those that take the interlocutor by surprise. The use of confusing, and even contradictory, messages is also very common, as are the following phrases:

“I do not understand what you mean” (even if they know perfectly what we are communicating to them).“What you want“(affirmations with which they abandon all discussion as soon as possible to avoid sincere and direct emotional communication).”But why do you get like this? “You take everything tremendously” (Through these phrases the passive-aggressive person uses his calm to push his interlocutor to the limit, humiliating him).

Behavioral hostility and procrastination

On the surface, they may seem friendly and even approachable, but this appearance falls instantly when we get to know them a little more and the true face of the passive-aggressive appears.

They tend to be unsociable and very critical of everything that surrounds them.Often, they can be disrespectful, a trait that makes them proud because they see themselves as rebellious, rebellious…They are addicted to blaming others for almost anything. Resentment and bad mood are two deep roots in the heart of the passive-aggressive. They do not like authority or receiving suggestions from others.

On the other hand, and accompanying this hostility, there is also this way of postponing almost anything until tomorrow. They do not fulfill what they promise, everything they start they leave half donethey are forgetful and do not take care of anything they own: neither objects nor personal relationships.

Emotional dependence

It is curious how his behavioral hostility, his hostile and defiant attitude, is also linked to his intense emotional dependence on others.

His “I despise you but I need you” is undoubtedly his most characteristic personal motto.a trait that actually hides a weak being and dwarfed by his insecurities, a person who needs everything from others but who, at the same time, lives in the bitter crust of his shell.

How to handle a passive-aggressive person

Behind passive-aggressive behavior there may be multiple back doors where sometimes very complex realities hide: depression, anxiety disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), low self-esteem, a bad childhood and even certain biological or environmental factors.

If you yourself are aware that in your daily behavior and that your attitude triggers passive-aggressive behaviors, the ideal is to look for a good therapist who can help you understand and channel that anger and frustration. To do this, it never hurts to take these basic strategies into account:

Try to understand why you act and respond that way.Reflect before speaking, before acting. Identify what affects you the most, what worries you and try to face it.Defeat your negativity.Practice mindfulness.Cultivate your Emotional Intelligence.

On the other hand, if in our closest environments we are forced to deal with a passive-aggressive person, One of the best ways to reduce their impact on us is to ignore them. Generally, the passive-aggressive person is a person with very low self-esteem and little emotional assertiveness, someone who does not know how to act when they feel that their behavior has no effect.

The more affected he sees us by his words and attitudes, the more power he will obtain, but if he perceives that he has no value for us, he will stop insisting and his psychological impact on us will be less. However, as we have pointed out, it will always be wise to know what is behind this type of behavior. If the passive-aggressive person is a family member, we can encourage them to seek professional help.

As a curiosity, and to finish, enough remember the origin of this term and when it was first used. It was during World War II, when a group of military psychiatrists noticed in many soldiers some defiant behavior, some passive resistance and refusal to follow orders. What was behind these soldiers was actually post-traumatic stress…

Images courtesy Christian Schloe