Discover why asking for help is a virtue and not a weakness

I need help. I am exhausted, at the limit of my strength. Tired of rowing alone, of pretending to be able to do everything and not being able to handle myself.. I need a lifeline, a helping hand that can and will guide me. Because there are times like this, those when there is no other option than to ask for support, to accept help that allows us to address our problems from another perspective.

They say that all unhappy people have something in common: bitterness. However, not all bitterness has the same relief or the same background. There are those who make that discomfort their own until they normalize it, swallowing that unhappiness until they accumulate many more stones: those of regrets, resentments, bad moods and those distorted thoughts that feed, like fuel on a fire, the emotional state through which they go. .

Asking for help in these cases is little more than an offense, a sign of weakness. Because there are those who project responsibility onto others, waiting for others to guess what is happening to them and act accordingly. Now, fortunately we also find those who take the step and dare to ask for support. Because There is a limit to keeping quiet and putting up with it: although it may be easier for us to offer than to receive, there are times when it is necessary to ask for help.

I need help, I have reached the limit

Albert Ellis, renowned cognitive psychotherapist, developed what we know today as Rational Emotive Therapy throughout the 1950s. Within this approach there is an aspect that is worth remembering. We often fall into states of complete helplessness and despair when we think that life cannot treat us worse. That we are like a paper boat that is always drifting. However, as Ellis himself would say, “It is not the facts that alter us, but the interpretation we make of them” .

Having someone who is capable of making us see the latter is undoubtedly the best resource. Now, if there is something that we all know, it is that it is not easy to say out loud that I need help. How to do it? As curious as it may be, the following usually happens: the one who usually needs the most support is the one who will have the most reluctance when it comes to requesting it..

The one who needs help the most is also the one who is most accustomed to providing it, not receiving it.. Thus, when we finally cross that line and finally claim the right to be heard, attended to, and cared for, we do so because we can’t take it anymore. We have reached the limit.

What indicators tell me it’s time to ask for help?

There is no reaching that limit, that border where you go, practically broken, to the consultation of a clinical psychologist. Now, how are we handling our reality? If this is beyond our control, few indicators could be clearer. However, let’s look at a few more that may be useful before you have reached that limit.

Everything we feel, we experience in an intense, excessive way. A simple mistake becomes something fatal, a bad mood can last for days, entire weeks. A disappointment immobilizes us, unforeseen events overwhelm us… There are certain things, ideas, memories, sensations that we cannot remove from our minds. All these images and thoughts come to interfere with our daily tasks and obligations.We experience recurring headaches, digestive and muscle problemswe suffer from insomnia or excessive sleep…The things that we used to like to do have now lost all their meaning and interest.We have stopped being productive at work. Our relationships are now more tense. There is no shortage of phrases like “It’s just that you take everything in a tremendous way, we can’t talk to you anymore…” Likewise, people who truly love you openly express that they are worried about you.

What can I expect from someone who helps me?

When I need help I look for three things: to be understood, to not be judged for what I think or have been able to do, and to be offered resources to generate positive change.. We can obtain something like this from a friend and a family member, it is clear, we have all done it on occasion. However, there are personal moments where it is necessary to request the help of a specialized professional.

What this psychologist trained and qualified in a series of very specific skills will offer us is the following:

Learn to see our problems from another perspective. One where there are no walls, one where we stop seeing ourselves as victims, but as potential agents of our own reality, one that we can change. It will make us see inner realities that we did not know or did not perceive. They will be agents of our self-discovery. We should not expect a psychologist to give us advice or action guides about what we should or should not do. A psychologist facilitates and enables us to be the ones who find the answer to our problemswe are the exclusive architects of our changes and decisions.Likewise, it will also help us alleviate suffering by acquiring new perspectives of understanding and action.We will acquire adequate resources to manage emotions, to avoid harmful patterns of thinking or to apply appropriate self-control techniques. It will in turn help you define what our priorities are to act based on them.It will allow us to have an attitude of growthwhere we can become aware of ourselves to position ourselves in the world with courage, openness and responsibility.

To conclude, dare to say out loud that “I need help” Sometimes it costs much more than we would like. However, simply making a request to fill that need is a big step.

Looking for that specialized support that allows us to start generating change may be the best decision. Because, whether we like it or not, there are times when we alone cannot do everything. There are times when therapy becomes the best bridge to a new stage in our lives.

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