Disappointment in love: understanding to overcome

“In love all paths end equally – disillusionment“. The pessimistic phrase, written by the Irish writer Oscar Wilde, perfectly translates the dynamics of love relationships. Who has never suffered a disappointment, cast the first stone.

Why is it so common for people to be disappointed in their relationships? The reasons are numerous, but in general, there are two basic reasons: excessive expectations or a very large change in behavior on the part of the partner.

Is disillusionment always caused by infidelity?

Not necessarily. Although disillusionment and infidelity go hand in hand, it is not necessary for the other party to be unfaithful for us to feel “cheated”. Often the behavior that causes disappointment hurts us for other reasons. Attitudes such as lack of sensitivity and respect for our wants and goals, and even for our feelings, can sound more aggressive to us than a situation of infidelity would be.

Even if the betrayal took place, it is difficult to say that she is the only one responsible for the feeling of disappointment in love. In most relationships, the betrayal it happens when the couple has already been going through a series of other problems for some time. It would then be the apex of a pre-existing failure.

The fact is that there are people who continue to struggle with an imminent separation, preferring to endure the pain of betrayal, for example, than admitting that the relationship has come to an end.

The importance of self-esteem

Some say that we cannot blame the partner for disappointments suffered. Looking coldly at the matter, the statement is not completely unreasonable. When the relationship comes to be seen as a lifeline, the tendency is for the person to stop analyzing the situation in a rational way.

In order for this not to happen, it is essential to know how to separate things. Respect yourself, above all. Know your limitations and don’t try to stretch them just to maintain a relationship that is obviously doomed to failure.

no one changes anyone

Try to see clearly the personality of the other, their customs and the way they usually act. Keep in mind that these habits cannot be changed by you. Character and personality traits are built over many years of life and a relationship (no matter how strong the feelings) is not able to change them overnight.

So when choosing a partner to bond with, look at how he reacts to certain situations. If you find that one characteristic or another seriously displeases you, skip it. Eliminate the possibility of future suffering and wait for the right person to show up.