Dear me, let’s protect our well-being and stop fighting for unrequited love

Dear “I”, let’s stop fighting for someone who doesn’t love us. Let’s move forward so as not to be hurt more by a love with too many contraindications. Let us put dignity in our hearts and uproot this emotional dictatorship to say with courage “I leave you because I love myself.”

We know it is not easy. We are aware that in our brain there is no reset button, no emergency exit, nor a window to open so that the fresh breeze oxygenates the prison of our sorrows. The brain is stubborn, methodical and persistent. It is an entity that fights and clings to maintain emotional memories because they are, after all, the ones that give that great imprint to our identity.

They say that loving without being loved is like trying to light a candle with an unlit match. And the truth is we don’t know very well why we do it, why we insist on worshiping someone who doesn’t love us. We persist and resist those cognitive biases of the “If I tell you this, maybe”, “If I change this, maybe” as if we were going to achieve something with it.

However, love is not a vending machine. It is not enough to put a coin and press a button to get what we hope for. Sometimes, there is no choice but to take the step: kill false hopes and stop dying in life for those who walk in other directions and other companies.

The shadow of someone who doesn’t love you refuses to disappear from your brain

We were wondering a moment ago why this is so: Why is it so complex to turn the page and act with more integrity when we are aware that they do not love us. The answer to this lies, as it could not be otherwise, in that intricate and always fascinating neurological world. To understand it better, let’s take an example.

We have had a few days where we have the full feeling that we are doing well. We are getting over that breakup. However, on any given afternoon, we come across someone wearing the same perfume as our ex-partner. Almost without knowing how, suffering approaches us again until we become immobilized, until it leads us back to the drift of tears.

Antoine Bechara is a well-known neurobiologist at the University of California who has defined what is known as “cerebral conflict.” When a person is rejected, the brain remains linked to certain stimuli, images and memories. The neural network in charge of executing this intimate but powerful relationship is located in two very specific areas: between the hippocampus and the amygdala.

We cannot forget that these structures govern and orchestrate all that memory closely related to emotions. Thusevery experience lived with that special person has been recorded in fire and in turn, it is anchored to certain stimuli that act as triggers or evocators of the memory.

Hence, smelling a perfume, seeing a certain type of clothing, a photograph or passing by that restaurant where we had dinner on the weekend makes us our neurotransmitters activate to the point of becoming truly addicted to that impossible love. It is not so easy to break this bond or appease that cerebral conflict.

Dear me, open your eyes and heal your heart

The anatomy of rejection and abandonment is stark, deep and complex. We already know that our reluctance to turn the page is not always voluntary, that our brain also feeds this condemnation in its vicious and biochemical cycle.

Now, neurologists explain to us that The “time factor” ends up reducing the activity of these linked memories. The brain connections that promote these negative emotions gradually lose strength, until they become the echo of a sad and distant melody that we will end up evoking with less suffering.

The passing of the months will allow us to move forward, therefore, more calmly, as long as, of course, we apply appropriate psychological strategies with which to stop feeding the cult of those who do not love us. Next, We explain what strategies could help you.

Keys to overcoming emotional rejection

“Dear me, if you are not loved, remember to love yourself above all things.” This would be, without a doubt, the main premise that we should integrate into our interior. However, it is clear that People have not been taught to give up or losewhich is why it is so difficult for us to break all kinds of ties.

Understand that loving is not sacrificing. So the “If I leave this, he might love me,” or “if I change this and that, I’m sure he’ll like me more.” Don’t do it, don’t start emotional suicides, don’t humiliate yourself, don’t put gasoline on the only thing that gives you strength: your self-esteem.If he hurts you, he doesn’t love you. It’s that simple. If you are that invisible being on his merry-go-round of infidelities, selfishness and bad words, stay away. Why be the victim of that emotional torture chamber in which you have made yourself a prisoner? Escape, in the end you will realize that freedom is the best balm and solitude, a pleasant refuge.In impossible loves the first thing you must lose is hope. There are relationships that are born with an expiration date and if you are fully aware that nothing you want will be able to happen, leave through the front door. With dignity, with your head held high and your heart whole.

Loving someone who doesn’t love us is extremely painful, but it is even more painful to stop loving ourselves for someone who doesn’t even deserve us. Act with integrity and wisdom, always knowing that we should only love what is worthy of being loved.

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