Childhood memories help us discover who we really are

The records that remain from our first years of life influence the person we become and are essential to unveil our true selves and to cultivate healthier relationships, according to American psychologist Kevin Leman, author of the book What Childhood Memories Reveal About You (Ed. Christian World). These memories “allow you to see behind all the facades and defenses, getting to the bottom of what the person really is and not who they are trying to be”, believes the author, a specialist in matters related to education and the family. “And while you can’t change your past, you can change how you understand it and move forward in light of that new understanding,” he assures.

Why this memory?

For an event to be recorded in our long-term memory, it needs to have stirred our emotions. But that doesn’t mean just remembering times when we experienced intense happiness, sadness, or fear. Most memories tend to be pretty trivial. Hence the importance, according to Leman, of paying attention to the details of what we register, because something in that situation touched us deeply – and that is why it offers a snapshot of our essence. Understanding childhood memories, according to the psychologist, will not only explain your actions and reactions in the present, but will also help guide future behavior. “This will allow you to assess, for example, the marks that your children will carry into adulthood, and will help you not take your traumas out on them,” says Leman. It is not, therefore, a question of brooding over the past, but of learning to relate to it in a healthy way, becoming a more serene and mature person.

pulling through memory

Access to memories, however, is sometimes not very easy. There are those who leave them in the unconscious. One way of seeking this content is artistic expression, suggests psychiatrist Ivete Gattás, coordinator of the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Unit at the Federal University of São Paulo (Unifesp). “Writing poetry, keeping a diary or painting a picture, for example, are ways to bring this content out and transform it in a positive way”, she teaches. In case of deep traumas, when the person cannot deal with the emotions they provoke, the way to review the memories and make peace with the past can be psychological follow-up. This is the case of children subjected to stress, deprivation of affection and emotional conflicts, for whom “it is difficult to even remember childhood and see reality”, comments the psychiatrist. It is also necessary to be careful with memory traps, warns Ivete: “As children, we mix fantasy and reality”. A tip to know if the memory is true is to confirm with relatives and friends. And don’t be surprised: each one will have a slightly or radically different interpretation of the same fact. “Everything is linked to each person’s particular logic”, explains Leman. Once you discover it, you can then change it to your advantage. Example: your logic is that of the martyr, so say no the next time you are called upon to save face for a friend. It’s a small step – but it’s the sum of them that promotes a course correction capable of generating big changes in your life.

X of the question

Your early childhood memories are the key to finding your place in the world and pinpointing your strengths. This way you can move forward with more confidence.

precious memory

To begin understanding your past, use these four steps taught by Kevin Leman:

· Describe your memory using two to four sentences

· Answer: what feelings do you have towards her?

· Identify the most vivid part of your record

· Try to establish how old you were

· Write down what you believe this memory reveals about you