Caring for parents: tips for coping with the new situation

Despite the prolongation of life expectancy and the fact that each time you reach old age in a better physical and mental state, There comes a time when our parents can’t fend for themselves.

From then on, a change in the way of life must be considered, since whatever the option chosen (admission to a residence, looking for a caregiver or dedicating oneself to their care)the responsibility we face, the unforeseen events that may arise and the decisions that will have to be made will take away our energy and freedom.

In addition to practical issues A situation arises that puts our emotions and feelings in check.

It’s about our parents and the type of relationship that we have maintained with them throughout life will determine the degree of involvement that we adopt: those families in which mutual aid has reigned will be more prepared to face that moment than those others in which disagreements have been a constant.

Are you a dependent person?

A person is dependent when they significantly lose their functional autonomy and their abilities, with the consequent feeling of fragility. that’s when need the help of others to be able to fend for themselves in multiple daily actions.

The dependency on an elderly person may be due to different causes:

physical deterioration

He organic aging carries a decrease in psychomotricity and resistance, and the appearance of chronic diseases such as osteoarthritis, arthritis, osteoporosis, etc.

Also, one must take into account the sensory declinewith loss of vision or hearing, which limit the relationship with the environment.

On the other hand, the high drug use for the treatment of various diseases, it is necessary to control them and monitor the side effects.

mental disorders

The cognitive disorders own of the different dementias and of the vascular accidents make people see themselves progressively unable to continue living alone: ​​the memory lossthe disorientation, difficulties for recognition, etc. They place them in a life-threatening situation.

The personality disorders and the different forms of depression should also be valued.

environmental causes

Even in good health, the quality of life can deteriorate if the house is not adapted for this stage of life.

The proximity or distance from relatives, health centers, etc.. may necessitate a decision to prevent risks.

How to deal with parental care

Elderly care can last for years and not all people are prepared to face such a task.

The care they require involve endless responsibilities, a lot of time and a lot of effort that are added to those demanded by one’s own personal life.

Before taking a decision there should be a consensus among the different members of the family to seek collaboration those who are able and willing to do so.

In planning, the degree of involvement must be assessed of each person, the specific tasks that they will be in charge of, the organization of a schedule and calendar, etc.

These cares will disrupt daily lifesince much of the energy that was previously dedicated to the family will pass to the person cared for.

In order not to reach a critical situation, if you have a partner, you should talk to her about how organize domestic life, thinking about how the new situation can affectseeking their complicity and understanding, and always reserving a time for life together.

This same dialogue must be maintained with potential childrenspeaking clearly about the situation of grandparents, current needs, their feelings and ours, and informing them how decisions may affect them that they are taken

It is very important to think where will the elderly person live: if you are going to stay at home, if you are going to spend some time at each child’s house… We will have to see the space that each one has in their house and think about the possible changes to adapt to the needs of that person. Perhaps a bathtub must be cancelled, supports in the shower, railings on the stairs, etc.

In addition all medical information will need to be collected accurate, meet the professionals who care for them, organize the medication, etc. On the other hand, the social workers of the health centers or the municipality report on the aid they can receivesince the current Dependency Law provides economic, professional and assistance resources for people who require it.

It is also worth visiting some residential centers that can be used at specific times: weekends, holidays, possible convalescence after an intervention…

With a good logistical organization, all the people involved will gain peace of mind and surprises will be avoided.

How to accept the new responsibility

The best thing for everything to go well is not to consider the care of an elderly person as a job. It can become an obligation as a result of a responsible decision and the love we owe them, but it should not be a professional routine.

This situation has to be dealt with one more moment of life and continue to see the person being cared for as the family member they are and not as a dependent and complaining patient.

One has to change habits so that the attention that the cared-for person deserves becomes part of a new lifestyle and not to forget that, as happens with children, surround all these cares with affection and affection it is much more rewarding for everyone and facilitates the work and health of the person in our charge.

The decision to take care of an older person should be seen as a gesture of love, gratitude and responsibility: our parents have taken care of us and possibly also our own children; Now it’s up to us to take care of them.

despite the troubles that this decision may entail, seeing up close the deterioration and aging of loved ones, and despite how difficult and thankless the work often turns out to be, the experience can be very satisfying and comforting.

For the elderly, their state of dependency is not pleasant either and it can take a toll on your self-esteem, which affects your entire emotional life.

It must also be taken into account that they don’t always behave the same: sometimes they want to be cured and carry their old age with dignity, trying to help as much as possible; others would prefer to “disappear” so as not to become a burden, but can also manipulate caregivers to get their full attention.

In any case, as a general rule it is convenient:

Adopt an empathic attitude towards them, trying to understand them and putting yourself in their place. Talk to them and treat them affectionately both with words and through physical contact.Promote their autonomy as far as possible, making them responsible for what they can do for themselves, so that we do not overload ourselves with tasks and so that they continue to feel useful.Respect your privacy, ensuring that issues such as bathing, changing diapers, etc. be done as secretively as possible.make them come out to the street, walk with them and, if possible, that they continue to have a certain social life, making it easier for them to relate to others family and friends.

Different options for caring for elderly relatives

When they decide to take care of their relatives, many people do not know the different socio-sanitary aid to which they are entitled.

Although they are not always easy to obtain and many times we will find ourselves entangled in a real bureaucratic morass, some of these should be taken into account. benefits:

Home assistance. There are different kinds of help, such as family workers who can help with housework and cleaning the dependent person, or home health care programs for chronically ill patients who need palliative care.financial aid. In addition to the different pensions that the elderly person may receive, certain supplements can also be claimed to deal with the economic consequences of dependency.telecare. This is a telephone service that allows you to quickly contact a switchboard 24 hours a day, just by pressing a pendant or a device near the telephone. The person responsible immediately contacts the user to hear what is happening and attend to him immediately in case of emergency or inform his family.day centers. They are specially designed for people who are not excessively dependent or who suffer from some type of dementia. They consist of a home collection service and care until mid-afternoon. These centers allow family members to carry on with their working lives and attend to their other daily obligations and that the elderly are well cared for most of the day.Residences. In certain situations, whether due to the condition of the elderly person or the impossibility of the family to care for them, it may be necessary to admit them to a more or less assisted nursing home.
The feeling of abandonment that is usually linked to this decision must be demystified because sometimes it is the best for everyone. In addition, in some autonomous communities and town halls there are programs to unload the family’s homework and allow temporary entry of the elderly in a public residence. In the case of wanting to take a vacation or have a free weekend, you can also opt for a private center.

The caregiver must take care

It’s all very well making the decision to care for an elderly family member, but At no time should the caregiver forget about himself or his environment.

There are many people who With the passage of time, sometimes years, their physical and mental health diminishes.: suffer from a greater number of diseases, experience feelings of sadness, loneliness, misunderstanding, symptoms of depression or anxiety, etc.

All this is usually due to they have focused more and more on that care and have been neglecting themselves, their family and friends.

These are some tips that should be taken into account to take care and thus be able to continue providing help:

Put limits. It is convenient to learn to set limits to care and attention, and to know how to say “no” in time so that the person cared for does not end up being abused.Organization. Good time planning during the day allows you to carry out the necessary tasks with greater peace of mind.Sleep. It is important to try to sleep well and enough time. If the elderly person needs some care at night and you have been taking care of them all day, you have to ask for the help of another family member.Practice exercise. You have to try to exercise since, on the one hand, it allows you to release tension and, on the other, it also helps to be in shape to be able to mobilize the elderly if required.Social life. It is advisable not to stay locked up at home and continue to see friends, go for a walk, have fun, etc. In order to do so, it is necessary that other relatives can take the person cared for to their home on some weekends or that they…