Can a man and a woman be just friends?

It has been 30 years since the premiere of the popular romantic comedy “When Harry Met Sally”. This blockbuster film is remembered for having raised an always debatable question: “Can women and men be just friends?”

There are those who say no, that men and women can never be true friends. And that the origin of this impossibility lies in a purely hormonal issue… What is your experience in relation to friendship between the sexes?

What does the research say?

According to a study by Journal of Social and Personal Relationshipsdirected by April Bleske-Rechek (professor of Psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire) in 2012, Men perceive romantic possibilities with their friends more frequently than women with their friends.

The study also revealed that men displayed the same level of attraction or desire to form a romantic relationship with their female friends, regardless of whether they were already involved in a romantic relationship with another person.

What does this mean? That Men and women evaluate their relationships with people of the opposite sex in very different ways.

According to the study, in the typical friendship between a man and a woman, the man He overestimates the level of attraction his friend has toward him. And, on the contrary, the woman underestimates the level of attraction that her friend has towards her.

If man usually thinks “I’m sure my friend wants more than a platonic friendship.” and if women tend to think “oh no, so-and-so doesn’t think of me that way”… Could these different visions of the same situation be the source of so many misunderstandings, or the reason why so many women -unintentionally- give “false hope” to their friends?

What factors explain why you cannot be just friends?

In the study, participants were assured that their responses would be anonymous and confidential. Additionally, before completing the questionnaire, the study administrator had pairs of friends promise not to discuss their answers after finishing. It is assumed that, for the sake of science, all participants were completely honest; However, it must be recognized that there is a certain degree of shame in admitting to a third party that one is attracted to his friend, even if one perceives that he does not reciprocate. Evidently, Pride and shyness can affect how someone responds.

Curiously, it seems that The study mentioned above (led by April Bleske-Rechek) has been the only one carried out on this topic.

However, Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero, two young filmmakers, came to the same conclusion: Men and women can’t just be friends. They decided to record a video that would demonstrate the veracity of their argument. Although of course, far from following a rigorous method, its objective was simply to document an informal survey among university students.

Even so, It’s funny to watch how the girls start by stating that yes, it is possible to be just friends. But then, when asked if their friends are attracted to them, they blush and admit that they most likely do.. So, really, isn’t friendship purely platonic?

The truth is that it seems that both men and women We have to adjust our way of thinking and acting to achieve truly sincere and lasting friendships with someone of the opposite sex.

It will be interesting to see how theories evolve in relation to this topic, as time goes by. Likewise, what conclusions come to light after more research that investigates friendships between people of the opposite sex and the same sex. This will undoubtedly make more than one person rethink the relationship they have with their best friend, don’t you think?

What we know for sure today is that men and women experience the concept of “friendship” differently. Nevertheless, One should not be reductionist and consider that all men see a woman as something more than their friend just because they are men. We must respect individuality and be cautious with these statements.

Image courtesy of Kevin Conor Keller