He hurts me… But I love him!

Over time, many loving relationships become abusive, toxic, and harmful relationships. How does this come to happen?

One of the best things about being in love is that you feel good about yourself. Not only do you believe that the other person is really wonderful and will never hurt you, you also feel safe, confident, and enthusiastic.

But, as time goes by, many relationships transform into something that has very little (or no) love. Some can even become harmful, abusive, toxic relationships. How does this come to happen? Why is “love” experienced so differently by different people?

Analyze what changes and why It is very important to realize the root of the possible problems that are occurring.

“Loves” that suffocate

Maybe this situation sounds familiar to you. A girl says she is very happy with her new partner. He cares a lot about her, calls her several times a day and they spend a lot of time together. She is very happy that he cares for her so much.

He also advises you a lot, talks to him about politics, finances, about how to talk to other people, gives his opinion about his friends. She listens to him enthralled, admiring his wisdom.

But after a short time, The “falling in love” stage ends and she realizes what he really is like. It monitors your movements all day, tells you who you can and cannot be with, and tells you how to do things. In short, it is absorbing and possessive. It doesn’t allow her to be herself.

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And what does she do? Nothing, she continues to accept this type of “love”, because “she loves him”. Despite her bad mood when the food isn’t delicious, despite her jealousy when she visits her friends, even though he doesn’t allow her to wear a skirt, even though it hurts her, she doesn’t abandon him, because “she loves him.” .

Types of love

The thing is that the word “love” has several different meanings.

Romantic love

It is typical of the falling in love stage and, although it is completely normal, It is a fantasy love, where the other person is idealized, where everything is rosy. (“She really is the person I’ve always dreamed of! She’s perfect!”). But when this stage ends, some couples separate and others transform their love into something deeper.

This convergent or divergent path will be taken depending on the established link, the importance of common interests, goals, vital values and activities.

Deep love

It is the one that is based on respect, affection, trust and empathy. Differences are respected, conflicts are worked on and resolved. The individuality of each one is respected. Love grows and deepens. (“I know your flaws and weaknesses, and yet I love you. I accept you as you are.”)

Addictive or unhealthy love

It is based on desperation. It is not possible to live without the other person, even though being by their side is no longer pleasant. Despite the criticism and disrespect, despite the fact that he hurts you, you love him and you cannot abandon him, because what would be of you without him? (“If you abandon me, I will die. I cannot conceive life without you.”)

Addictive love does not understand reasons or logic. He doesn’t listen to advice. Even though you feel very bad, you don’t leave this love, because in reality it is not love, it is an addiction.

How to get out of addictive love that hurts?

The first thing is to recognize the situation and call things by their name.comfort zone

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After you have gathered enough courage to admit the problem, The next step may be to seek psychological help through a therapist who gives you the support you need to end this relationship that hurts you so much.

In the future, surely, you will be able to build a loving relationship that, as time passes, will grow and strengthen.. A relationship where there is love, but real and mature, that enriches the lives of both.

Image courtesy of Chepko Danil Vitalevich